5 months ago

What is Emotional Abuse?

What is Emotional Abuse?

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control, subjugate, and shame another person through fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, etc. It can run a wide spectrum from constant criticism and disapproval to outright hurtful verbal abuse that is meant to humiliate.

Victims of emotional abuse can lose a sense of their self-worth and dignity, and eventually they start believing their abuser. Emotionally abusive relationships typically don’t start out as abusive, they develop over time into a relationship of power disparity, where one person controls the other. This can occur through belittling and berating, by intimidation, or under the veil of ‘guidance’, ‘teaching’, or ‘advice’.

Research has shown that emotional abuse can create injuries that are deeper and more long-lasting than physical abuse. When exposed to emotional abuse long enough, a person’s dignity and self-esteem will be impacted. The victim of abuse can become so beaten down that they blame themselves for the abuse and cling to their abuser.

What are types of emotional abuse?

Abusive expectations: Unreasonable demands and the expectation you set everything aside to tend to the person’s needs: constant attention, spending all your free time with the person, no matter how much you give it is “never enough”, constant criticism because you are not fulfilling their needs.
Aggressive: Direct: name-calling, blaming, threatening, ordering; the abuser takes a “one-up” position by judging or invalidating the other. Indirect: “helping”, criticizing, advising, analyzing, proving, and questioning the recipient in a way that controls, demeans, and belittles. The abuser’s underlying “I know best” tone is inappropriate and creates inequality in the relationship.
Constant Chaos: The abuser may start arguments and be in constant conflict with others.
Denying: Denying the recipient’s emotional needs with the intent to hurt, punish, or humiliate; denying certain events occurred or things were said; withholding~refusing to listen and communicate, emotionally withdrawing (“silent treatment”); invalidating reality, feelings, and experiences.
Dominating: The abuser has to have their own way and will resort to threats to get it; when the recipient allows someone to dominate them, they can lose respect for themselves.
Emotional blackmail: Threats, abandonment, “cold shoulder”, and fear tactics are all used to control another; the abuser plays upon fear, guilt, compassion, values, etc to get what they want.
Invalidation: Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality.
Minimizing: “You’re too sensitive”, “You’re exaggerating”, and “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are not to be trusted. Trivializing is minimizing: this occurs when the abuser suggests what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant.
Unpredictable responses: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts; puts the recipient on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop; creates hypervigilance, constant fear, unsettlement, and off balance in the recipient.
Verbal assaults: Berating, belittling, criticizing, name-calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation.