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How to Sit With Feelings

Jaclyn Baker

There is a lot of cultural focus on the New Year being “happy” and ‘looking forward to the New Year.’ But, what if you aren’t looking forward to 2025? What happens if you feel difficult emotions, while all around you people are celebrating the New Year? Here are some ideas of how to cope with painful, difficult emotions:  

  1. Reflect on some of the reasons you are feeling painful emotions and label them. Dread? Fear? Ennui? Helplessness?
  2. Remind yourself that it is okay and very authentic to not be excited about the New Year.
  3. Focus on self-care and self-compassion. You don’t need to make resolutions. You don’t need to “celebrate”.
  4. Focus on not trying to fix or judge your feelings. As kids, most of us have been taught by peers/parents/teachers to ‘shut down’ or ‘solve’ our feelings, rather than sitting with them and honoring them in a productive, kind way. By shutting down and silencing ourselves we are taking care of everyone else. By allowing ourselves to sit with our difficult emotions and giving ourselves permission to feel differently than the group at large we are taking care of ourselves.
  5. ‘Judge and Observer’:  I teach my clients, a way to view two ways of addressing our feelings;

Judge: a harsh reaction to how we feel (i.e.: should-statements, shutting down, telling self “I should be happy”; “I need to stop crying”; “What’s wrong with me”)

Observer: seeing our feelings through a neutral lens, as if we’re a camera and simply viewing and narrating how we feel (i.e.: using the Emotion Wheel to identify and neutrally call out “I feel sad and that’s okay”; “I feel angry and scared, and it’s okay to feel both”)

  1. Engage in tools and apps and other resources:

Emotion Wheel: I love handing out the Emotion Wheel to clients who are building emotional regulation and mindfulness skills, reminding them to not try to fix/judge after they identify them, but rather see how our values can line up with actionable goals (i.e.: I feel sad and scared for my community, I value my sense of togetherness and support with them, I can go volunteer, talk to friends, donate, etc)

‘Both/And’ statements: to manage mixed emotions in the new year (i.e.: “I feel sad that I’m going home, and I am looking forward to getting back into my routine”)

The “Finch” app: (mood tracking and habit-building) is one of my favorites to suggest to clients who are learning to be kinder to themselves 

“Headspace” and “Calm” meditation apps: for moments of ‘negative space’ 

(disconnecting from screens and taking breaks from overstimulating environments at work, school, and social media – a time to just sit and breathe and notice what you’re thinking)

Here Comes A Thought song for distressing thoughts & utilizing mindfulness

Have a grounded, present, and authentic New Year.



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Small Things You Can Do

Jaclyn Baker

In times of community stress or grief, things can feel overwhelming.  You might feel as if there is a little you can do to bring about change.  During these times, focusing on small ways to engage in your community that can also  have an impact can help your community as well as help you feel better.

There are countless ways to make small, sustainable, and positive impacts in our Eugene and Portland communities. One way to make a difference is by volunteering with local organizations that support vulnerable populations. For example, in Eugene you could assist at Food for Lane County or Burrito Brigade, which provides meals to those in need, or volunteer with shelters like St. Vincent de Paul to support unhoused individuals. In Portland, the Oregon Food Bank has many volunteer opportunities, as does the Portland Rescue Mission, which provides clothing, food, shelter, and many other services to those struggling with hunger, homelessness, and addiction.  Engaging with these organizations not only meets immediate needs but also fosters a sense of connection and compassion in the community.

It’s also important to take care of yourself. Even little things can help in big ways.

Allow Time: Just like any grief process, healing takes time. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to take the time you need to process them.

Practice Mindfulness or Meditative Practices: Breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga can calm the nervous system and help you process emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Stay Engaged: If part of your grief is a sense of powerlessness, channeling your energy into constructive action can help. Consider volunteering, joining organizations, or supporting causes that align with your values.

Find Community: Sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family members can be very healing. Knowing others feel similarly can ease feelings of isolation and bring you support.

Focus on Self-Care: Engaging in activities that make you feel grounded can be helpful. This could mean taking breaks from the news, limiting social media, or spending time outdoors.

Acknowledge Your Emotions: It’s okay to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, or even fear. Giving yourself permission to feel these emotions, without judgment, is the first step in processing them.

Environmental stewardship is another area where you can create lasting change. Participating in neighborhood clean-ups, planting trees with Friends of Trees (Eugene), or joining advocacy efforts for climate action are all meaningful ways to protect the region’s natural beauty. Oregon’s proximity to outdoor recreation areas also means that preserving trails and waterways through organizations like the McKenzie River Trust can significantly impact local ecosystems and residents’ quality of life.

 Lastly, fostering a sense of community through civic engagement and education is a powerful way to contribute. Attending city council meetings, advocating for policies that reflect community values, or starting grassroots initiatives can help shape our future. You might also mentor youth through programs like the Boys & Girls Club, Youth Empowerment Services (PDX), Ophelia’s Place (EUG), and Transponder (EUG). These efforts not only strengthen the social fabric but also empower others to join in making our communities a more inclusive and vibrant place to live.

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Tragic Optimism

Jaclyn Baker

By: Betsy Pownall

Tragic optimism, as defined by Dr. Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist/psychologist in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning is acknowledging, accepting, and expecting that life will be painful. Frankl believes there are three tragedies that, by being alive, everyone faces:

  1. Pain, because we are living beings.
  2. Guilt, because we make choices and feel responsible when things don’t go our way.
  3. Loss, because life is impermanent.

If we believe we have a right and an entitlement to be happy, we will suffer in the face of despair, troubling times, natural disasters, and personal tragedies. However, if we allow ourselves to go through hard times without going into denial, we can find our resilience. 

In his essay, How Not to Fall Into Despair (New York Times 11-29-2024), Brad Stulberg writes about despair, tragic optimism, and resilience,  following his experience of environmental, personal, and political loss. Stulberg believes that toxic positivity and excessive despair/pessimism keep us from taking responsibility for our lives. With toxic positivity, one denies anything is wrong. With excessive despair, one believes everything is pointless. Both are forms of denial. Stuhlberg suggests that “between the two poles exists a third way; committing to wise hope and wise action”.

Stuhlberg describes wise hope and wise action as:

  1. Accepting a situation and seeing it for what it is.
  2. Gathering strength, courage and resolve within ourselves.
  3. Focusing on what we can control.
  4. Reminding ourselves we have faced challenges before.
  5. Moving forward because there is no other option.
  6. “Recognizing that we maintain agency fuels hope, and maintaining hope reminds us that we have agency”.

Stuhlberg describes the core factors of resilience as:

  1. Leaning into community.
  2. Being kind to yourself
  3. Finding small ways to support your mental health
  4. Allowing yourself to feel sadness, loss and hope
  5. Allow yourself to feel commitment.

“At a moment when it can seem that all is lost, we’d be wise to embrace tragic optimism, wise hope and wise action….,” Stuhlberg writes, “these attitudes and skills, and our willingness to adopt and practice them, are essential not only to our individual resilience, but that of our communities. We need both now”.

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New Years

Jaclyn Baker

It all feels rushed looking forward to all the plans to make the goals I’m told to set. So instead I decide to take a breath and stop to acknowledge what I’m leaving behind.

One of my favorite ways to start the morning is by sitting outside on my balcony with my dog, Miso. When I can manage it (because I am definitely a night owl), I like to wake up a bit earlier and revel in the peace that comes with the morning time. 

I like to sit and listen to the wind, the birds, the airplanes flying by, and really anything that helps me take in the moment. I find this is a great time for reflection, whether it’s about the day ahead, the previous day, or any thoughts coming up for me that morning. 

A few mornings ago while I was sitting outside with Miso, I witnessed a fellow dog owner walking their dog and incorporating some training. If you’re familiar with reactive dogs, you might know that early mornings are a good time to practice training outside to help your dog get used to outdoor environments while others are not around.

I felt very lucky in this moment to witness the love and care that this person was showing to their dog, and it reminded me of the times that it was me in that position. When I adopted Miso, he struggled with fear-based reactivity, which showed up in his fear of noises and other people. Watching this person in the early stages of training reminded me of all the stops and starts that Miso and I had and how far we’ve come. 

I started thinking about how he used to not trust other people and how now he says hello to strangers and expects to be petted. We have done so much work and training together and while Miso still has his moments, he has grown in many ways. In the early stages of training, I would look forward to the time when he would be able to meet another person without growling or being scared. I don’t think I can appreciate that we are indeed at that point (yay!), without also acknowledging all that we’ve worked on this year. 

Sometimes we cannot fully see forward until we take a moment to stop and look backward. With the start of the new year, it can feel overwhelming and daunting to think about change, goals, and intentions to set, especially when we hear the phrases “new year, new me” and “what are your new year’s resolutions?” 

But it might be worth thinking about the fact that maybe the start of looking forward begins with looking backwards. If you were to slow down and look back at this past year, what would come up for you? In what ways have you changed, grown, and been shaped? 

What would you like to leave in the past year? Are there things that you’ve learned that you want to take with you? 

If you are feeling overwhelmed with the new year, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and to take a moment to stop and look back because that might be the clearest way for you to see forward.

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6 Powerful New Year’s Resolutions to Unlock Hidden Opportunities in 2025

Jaclyn Baker

Tired of setting New Year’s resolutions that don’t stick? In 2025, try a different approach—one that focuses on preparing for opportunities you don’t yet know exist. Inspired by Happenstance Theory, these resolutions aren’t about rigid goals, but about opening yourself up to growth and unexpected success. Here are six resolutions that will help you embrace the unknown and make the most of life’s hidden opportunities.

Embrace Uncertainty

Instead of fearing the unknown, lean into it. The most exciting opportunities often arise when you step outside your comfort zone. Resolve to be more open to new experiences and embrace uncertainty as an avenue for growth.

Stay Curious

Curiosity drives discovery. Make it a goal to ask more questions, explore new ideas, and push yourself to learn. This mindset will open doors to opportunities you might have missed otherwise.

Beat Self-Doubt

Overcome negative thoughts by believing in your potential. Confidence builds with action—so even if you’re unsure, push forward. You’ll find opportunities you never thought possible.

Build Real Connections

It’s not about how many followers you have; it’s about the quality of your relationships. Focus on building meaningful, supportive connections that can offer new opportunities and guidance.

Stay Flexible

Adaptability is key to thriving in a constantly changing world. Stay protean—like the Greek god Proteus—and be ready to adjust your approach when new opportunities come knocking.

Be Tenacious

Failure is part of the journey. Make it your resolution to keep going even when things don’t go as planned. Resilience is what leads to long-term success.

Ready for 2025?

This New Year, ditch traditional resolutions and resolve to be open to whatever comes your way. By preparing for unexpected opportunities, you’ll create your own luck and set yourself up for success in 2025 and beyond.

 

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How to Slow Down in 2025: 4 Simple Tips

Jaclyn Baker

Here are four practical ways to slow down in 2025:

Try New Experiences

New experiences make time feel more expansive. When you explore unfamiliar places or try new activities, your brain processes more information, making time seem to slow down. Travel, learn a new hobby, or challenge yourself with fresh experiences to make the year feel longer.

Be Present

Time flies when you’re on autopilot. To slow it down, practice mindfulness. Focus on the present moment—whether you’re walking, eating, or chatting with friends. By being more aware, you’ll make everyday moments feel richer and more memorable.

Limit Passive Entertainment

Binge-watching TV shows or endlessly scrolling through social media can make time disappear. Instead, engage in active experiences like walking, exploring new places, or socializing. These activities encourage mindfulness and make time feel more substantial.

Meditate

Research shows that meditation can make time feel slower. By practicing mindfulness daily, you become more aware of the present moment, which reduces the feeling of time rushing by. Start with just 10 minutes a day to improve your time perception.

By embracing new experiences, practicing mindfulness, reducing passive activities, and meditating, you can make 2025 feel longer and more fulfilling. Try these simple strategies to slow down time and make the year ahead truly memorable.

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Empowered Consumerism

Jaclyn Baker

By: Christina Bein

I’ve been hearing, a lot more often than I’d like, the phrases, “What I do doesn’t matter” or “What can I do to help? I’m just one person.” At times, I’ve found myself saying these phrases as well. 

On a macro level, it can be hard to see how one person can make a difference. It feels like a drop of water in a large bucket. I remind myself that when feeling this way, I have to bring my thoughts back to, “What is in my control to do?” When asked in this manner, it helps to reframe my thoughts towards looking at the possibilities of how I can make change or influence in direct ways. This can be through what I watch, the information I share with others, what I promote via brands I support, what I put my money towards, etc.

In a time where companies are often merging or being bought out by bigger ones, it can be confusing to know where or to whom your dollar may be supporting. To the best of my ability, I try to stay conscientious of what my hard earned money is supporting. This is how I find empowerment in what I support when it feels like greater state or world issues are overwhelming and disempowering. In this small way of knowing where my dollar goes, it’s a direct way to feel influence, a way to feel direct impact.

Have you seen signs that say, “Buy local”? 

I used to think that supporting my local burger joint would help a mom-and-pop dream. Then I learned that the expanded brick-and-mortar came from the ability of a large corporation that bought this business. In further research of this larger corporation, I learned that it provided mass donations to political parties and causes that conflict with my own values. 

In a time when I felt so small to help with world problems, this felt terrible. I have progressively worked towards keeping up-to-date with being aware and researching if certain businesses or companies are in alignment with my values or if there’s a conflict in values. It’s not always easy to know. It’s never truly perfect, but being in a community with others who have the same interests helps with staying apprised.

If you feel empowered by supporting local businesses or companies that align with your values, check out these applications that have been built to facilitate easier access to that information. 

Let us know if there are any resources you really love using for this purpose!

Apps you can download right on your smartphone:

Boycat: Their mission is to support ethical shopping choices to better the planet.

Truvalyou: Their mission is to help you support brands that are aligned with your values.

Buycott: Uses universal product codes to let consumers know about what their money is supporting. Their motto is “Vote with your Wallet.” 

Boycott X :  Allows the user to scan products and identify if companies are on the boycott lists which then encourages consumers to make conscious decisions about their purchases.

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Seven Ways to Cope with Uncertainty

Jaclyn Baker
,

By: Betsy Pownall

In times of uncertainty,small ideas can make a difference. It is natural to want to close up like our distant cousin, the armadillo, and protect ourselves. It feels good at the moment, however, it is ultimately not self-protective and can eventually end up being more harmful to our mental state than helpful. Studies have shown that leaning into uncertainty is helpful in easing emotional distress. Leaning into uncertainty helps build more resilience and can help improve problem-solving ability.

So what do we do when we face an uncertain future, when we feel a sense of loss and grief for what once was, what may have been, and for what may come? Here are some ideas, from the Greater Good Magazine: Science-Based Insights for a Meaningful Life.

Don’t resist and go into denial: this won’t help you recover, learn, and grow.

Invest in yourself: you are your best resource to make a contribution to the world. If you are not investing in your self-care, you are not able to lead your best life~sustain relationships that bring you connection, sleep, eat well, and have fun.

Find healthy comfort.

Don’t believe everything you think. It can be helpful to plan for the ‘worst case scenario’ but when you believe your catastrophic thoughts, you feel threatened, afraid and unsafe.

Pay attention: choose what you focus on. The opposite of uncertainty is not certainty, it is “presence.” Practice staying present.

Believe you will not be rescued. When we feel powerless, we feel helpless and angry. What do you want in your life? What kind of life do you want to live? “To best cope with uncertainty, we need to stop complaining.” When we stop fixating on the problem, we can focus on how we can make the “best of this mess.”

Find meaning in the chaos. We are motivated by our significance to other people. A sense of purpose can ground us when the world feels frightening and uncertain. When we see something that needs improvement, ask yourself: What skills and talents can I bring to the issue? What really matters to me, and how can I be of service?

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Small Ideas That Can Make a Big Difference

Jaclyn Baker

By Christy Maeder

Everyday life can be stressful at times.  And when you add in additional stressors, such as polarization in your community and the holidays, everything can start to feel overwhelming.  Try some of these ideas to help you acknowledge and honor your feelings while also being able to cope in difficult times.

Acknowledge Your Emotions: It’s okay to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, or even fear. Giving yourself permission to feel these emotions, without judgment, is the first step in processing them.

Focus on Self-Care: Engaging in activities that make you feel grounded can be helpful. This could mean taking breaks from the news, limiting social media, or spending time outdoors.

Find Community: Sharing your feelings with trusted friends or family members can be very healing. Knowing others feel similarly can ease feelings of isolation and bring you support.

Stay Engaged: If part of your grief is a sense of powerlessness, channeling your energy into constructive action can help. Consider volunteering, joining organizations, or supporting causes that align with your values.

Practice Mindfulness or Meditative Practices: Breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga can calm the nervous system and help you process emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Allow Time: Just like any grief process, healing takes time. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to take the time you need to process them.

There are countless ways to make a small, sustainable, and positive impact in your community and these ideas are specifically for the Eugene community. One way to make a difference is by volunteering with local organizations that support vulnerable populations. 

For example, you could assist at Food for Lane County or Burrito Brigade which provides meals to those in need, or volunteer with shelters like St. Vincent de Paul to support unhoused individuals. Engaging with these organizations not only meets immediate needs but also fosters a sense of connection and compassion in the community.

Environmental stewardship is another area where you can create lasting change in Eugene, a city known for its commitment to sustainability. Participating in neighborhood clean-ups, planting trees with Friends of Trees, or joining advocacy efforts for climate action are all meaningful ways to protect the region’s natural beauty. Eugene’s proximity to outdoor recreation areas also means that preserving trails and waterways through organizations like the McKenzie River Trust can significantly impact local ecosystems and residents’ quality of life.

Lastly, fostering a sense of community through civic engagement and education is a powerful way to contribute. Attending city council meetings, advocating for policies that reflect community values, or starting grassroots initiatives can help shape Eugene’s future. You might also mentor youth through programs like the Boys & Girls Club, Ophelia’s Place and Transponder. 

These efforts strengthen the social fabric and empower others to join in making Eugene a more inclusive and vibrant place to live.

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How Do You Survive The Season?

Jaclyn Baker
, ,

By Erin Gillingham

This time of year can be filled with joy and fun, but with that comes stress, sadness, and a bevy of other emotions and feelings. The seasons are changing, the temperatures are getting colder, and the time change is making it darker earlier. The environmental stress alone can be rough. So we asked our staff: How do you survive the season?  

  • Scented candles always make me feel warm and happy. Fuzzy blankets and socks are good for when you’re feeling down in Winter. Also, a great way to spend a cold, dark evening is with a holiday movie and hot chocolate or a warm beverage. 
  • Setting a price budget with everyone beforehand really helps when it comes to gift giving. For example, making it clear everyone is only giving $20 gifts.
  • I like to put more care and intention into my morning and night routines, like taking hot showers, hydrating my skin with soothing products, and stretching before getting in bed and right after waking up.
  • When I’m around a lot of people (whether in public or at family events), I like to bring earplugs and other sensory tools, like things to fidget with. As someone on the spectrum, I do a lot better when I feel more in control of my senses.
  • Plan ahead! I love having things to look forward to during the fall and winter to make it less dreary—whether that’s a trip to the coast to look for sea glass or spending time with friends.
  • Using my ‘Happy Light’ to manage seasonal depression. I like using this once a day for 30 minutes to an hour while I’m doing crafts or some other form of self-care.”
  • Prioritize self-care and soothing activities, such as going for walks, listening to music, drinking tea, and spending quality time with pets. 
  • Minimize or eliminate time with stress to be around family or friends.
  • Make an agreement with others you plan to exchange gifts with around spending limits.
  • Or better yet, share a meal together, take a walk and look at holiday lights, or see a performance you would all enjoy.
  • Start your own new traditions that have meaning to your life based on your values.
  • I’ll submit my trusty yearly recommendation of this book!

Birdwatching has been my go-to stress reliever. I have multiple bird feeders during the winter, even a heated one for the hummingbirds. I’ve asked for a “bird buddy” feeder for Christmas. It sends a picture to your phone every time a bird lands at the feeders. I’m also seriously into Epsom salt baths in the winter. They’re great for relaxing after a stressful day. 

  • It’s also important to set realistic expectations for myself during the holidays. If I only focus on making sure everyone else is happy but sacrifice my own happiness and energy, then that’s a lose-lose situation.
  • I love things that keep my spirit warm and cozy, like blankets, books, candles etc. I also love the traditions that remind me of home, like cooking my favorite recipes, spending an evening searching out the best holiday lights with my friends, and spending a day baking and making gift boxes with my sister. 
  •  Sharing a moment of silence, a poem or a prayer can improve how you digest your meals, emotions, and tensions.

This poem is from the book Fragrance after the Rain by Jayai John:

“GRATITUDE IS A RIVER.  If you live in it, your heart and soul grow supple.  You flow with life.  If you leave gratitude’s river behind, everything you are grows hard, rigid, suffering.  Your body, your spirit, your relations, your life.

Stay in the river, Revolutionary.  Especially as you work to heal and unpeel the countless layers of oppression that shape your life and the world.  Identify your blessings.  Name them, so they know when you are calling for them. Feed them.  They like organic nourishment.  Praise them.  They will swell.  Mantra your names.  They will multiply.  Rest with them.  They will be your fire and dance.  Stay in the river of Gratitude.  It will carry you to your dream home.  Which is Peace.'”

  • One for me is self compassion and humor. This quote comes to mind if I am being hard on myself about “regressing” or becoming activated:”

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Craving More Space This Holiday Season? Here’s How to Hold Space for Yourself and Others

Jaclyn Baker

The holiday season is often filled with bustling schedules and endless to-do lists, leaving little room for peace and connection. But what if the key to a more fulfilling season is not doing more, but holding space—for yourself and those you care about?

What Does “Holding Space” Mean?

Holding space is the act of offering presence and care without pressure to fix or change things. It’s about creating room—mentally, emotionally, and physically—to be with ourselves and others. This can be especially powerful during the holidays when emotions can run high, and time is scarce.

Why Do We Need More Space This Holiday Season?

In the chaos of holiday planning, we often need to remember the importance of slowing down. Holding space helps us embrace uncertainty, recharge, and nurture meaningful connections with loved ones. It allows us to step back, reflect, and simply be.

How to hold space for yourself and others. Here are three simple tips to create more space this season:

Get Curious

Under-book your schedule: Leave room for spontaneity and reflection. Less is more.

Ask more questions: Embrace curiosity and avoid the pressure to have all the answers.

Savor small moments: Take time to appreciate little joys, like a quiet moment or a beautiful light display.

Open Up

Embrace all your emotions: Allow yourself to feel both the joy and the challenges of the season.

Be present with others: Put down your phone and show up with your full attention.

Step outside: Nature offers a great space to recharge and reflect.

Focus Your Energy

Prioritize what matters: Spend time with people and activities that align with your values.

Stay intentional: Choose to be present and mindful in your interactions.

Align with your values: Whether you want to be relaxed, festive, or brave, embody these qualities this season.

Final Thoughts: Less Can Be More

This holiday season, less scheduling and more presence can create meaningful moments for connection and joy. By holding space for yourself and others, you can reduce stress and cultivate a deeper sense of fulfillment. Embrace the power of space and experience a more peaceful, intentional holiday season.

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A Guide to Strengthening Relationships

Jaclyn Baker

Building a strong relationship requires more than just love—it takes communication, understanding, and sometimes a little self-help. While professional therapy can be incredibly helpful, there are simple strategies you can apply on your own to improve your relationship. 

Here are seven ways to resolve relationship issues effectively.

Define Your Problems Clearly

Vague issues like “We don’t communicate well” or “We’re not happy” are hard to solve. Break down these concerns into specific, actionable behaviors. For example, does better communication mean more time spent talking or clearer emotional expression? Defining your problems concretely makes them easier to address.

Use Clear Language to Uncover Emotions

Often, people say they’re “fine” when they’re not. Encourage your partner to use more explicit language to describe how they feel. Asking, “What does ‘fine’ really mean?” helps reveal underlying emotions and ensures you both understand each other better.

Ask Tough Questions and Think Objectively

When issues arise, ask the hard questions: Why do you keep arguing with your partner? What’s holding you back from making a change? Thinking like an outsider helps you see the root causes of the problem rather than just reacting emotionally.

Look for the Problem Beneath the Problem

Surface issues often have deeper causes. For example, arguments may stem from unresolved trauma, or a partner’s drinking might be linked to anxiety or depression. Instead of focusing on the behavior, explore the underlying emotional issue to address the real problem.

Distinguish Between Skills and Emotions

Sometimes, the problem isn’t emotional—it’s about lacking certain skills. If your child struggles with homework, it might be because they need extra help. If you avoid asking for a raise, fear of conflict might be the real issue. Identify whether the problem is a skill gap or an emotional challenge to address it more effectively.

See Control as Anxiety

In relationships, control is often driven by anxiety, not power. If your partner seems controlling, they may be acting out of fear. Instead of reacting with frustration, try to understand their concerns. Similarly, if you’re the one controlling, communicate your anxieties openly.

Identify and Break Negative Patterns

Every relationship has its patterns. Some are positive, while others can be destructive (like constant arguing). By identifying negative patterns, you can change how you respond. Instead of focusing on changing your partner, change your own behavior and watch the dynamic improve.

By applying these seven strategies, you can identify issues, communicate better, and break negative cycles. It’s about taking small steps and focusing on one issue at a time. With practice, you’ll be able to navigate challenges and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

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