A note to Bend parents
Our hearts ache after the events in our community on October 15. Every family in Bend is absorbing this, whether or not your child attends Silver Rail.
Your presence matters more than finding perfect words. Children take their cues from the adults closest to them. This guide gives you practical, age-specific ways to talk, listen, and restore a sense of safety over the coming days and weeks. You do not need to have answers. You need to be available, honest, and steady enough for your child to lean on.
Inside, you’ll find how to steady yourself first, how to talk with your child at each age, what to say and what to avoid, which reactions are normal, routines, media, and returning to school, when to get more help, guidance for community members without children, and local resources, including crisis lines, today’s free walk-in support, trauma response networks, and local counselors.
— Ryan Scott, PhD, Licensed Psychologist, and the team at Vista Counseling & Wellness Center
Start with yourself
Your child will read your nervous system before they hear your words. Steady yourself first, even briefly (American Psychological Association [APA], n.d.).
- Notice your own reactions. Shock, anger, numbness, and fear are all normal. Name them to yourself.
- Find an adult outlet. Talk with a partner, friend, or counselor out of your child’s earshot.
- Cover the basics. Eat, hydrate, and protect your sleep. Limit your own news scrolling.
- It is okay to show feeling. Saying “I’m sad too, and we’re going to be okay” models healthy grief. Visible panic or rage, on the other hand, frightens children.
Talking with your child, by age
Begin by asking what they have already heard, then correct misinformation and fill gaps simply. Let their questions set the depth (National Association of School Psychologists [NASP], n.d.; National Child Traumatic Stress Network [NCTSN], n.d.-b).
| Age | What they understand | How to talk | Sample words |
|---|---|---|---|
| Preschool (3–5) | Little grasp of permanence; may think it could happen anywhere, anytime | Brief, concrete, physical comfort; protect from images and adult conversations | “Something very sad happened at a school. A person hurt some people. The grown-ups are working hard to keep you safe.” |
| Early elementary (6–8) | Understands death is real; strong focus on “Am I safe? Are you safe?” | Short facts, lots of reassurance; name the specific adults keeping them safe | “Your teachers and the police have plans to protect kids. It’s very rare, even though it feels scary right now.” |
| Upper elementary (9–11) | Wants facts and fairness; may fixate on details or hear rumors at school | Answer honestly without graphic detail; ask what classmates are saying | “What are kids saying about it? Let’s sort out what’s true.” |
| Middle school (12–14) | Thinks about safety, injustice, and “why”; heavy social-media exposure | Invite opinions; talk about what they’re seeing online; don’t force conversation | “I’m not going to pretend this makes sense. What’s been on your mind?” |
| High school (15–18) | Adult-level understanding; may feel anger, guilt, or a call to action. The shooter’s age may hit hard | Treat as a partner; respect need for peers; watch for withdrawal or risk-taking | “How are you and your friends doing with this? What would help?” |
If your child knew a victim, was on campus, or lost a classmate, their needs are different and more acute. Prioritize professional support (see When to get more help).
What to say, and what to avoid
Honest, calm, and brief beats comprehensive. You can always return to the conversation (NASP, n.d.; Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA], 2012).
| Try | Avoid |
|---|---|
| “I don’t know, but I’ll find out / let’s think about it together.” | Making up answers or false promises (“This will never happen again”) |
| “You’re safe right now. Here’s who is keeping you safe.” | Dismissing fear (“Don’t worry about it,” “Be brave”) |
| “It’s okay to feel scared, sad, mad, or nothing at all.” | Telling a child how they should feel |
| Using the real words: died, killed, shooting | Euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “lost,” which confuse young children |
| “You can ask me anything, anytime.” | Forcing a talk or pressing for feelings |
| Focusing on the helpers: teachers, police, medics, the neighbor who intervened | Repeating graphic details, the shooter’s name, or speculation about motive |
Expect the same questions repeatedly, especially from younger children. Repetition is how they make sense of something overwhelming; answer patiently and consistently each time.
What reactions are normal
Most children show some stress reactions in the first few weeks, and most improve with time, routine, and connection (NCTSN, n.d.-a; SAMHSA, 2012). Reactions may appear right away or surface days later.
- Younger children: clinginess, separation fears, bedwetting, thumb-sucking, tantrums, repeating the event in play or drawings
- School-age children: trouble sleeping, nightmares, stomachaches and headaches, fear of going to school, irritability, difficulty concentrating
- Teens: withdrawal, anger, numbness, guilt, changes in eating or sleep, more time online, risk-taking, or intense focus on activism and “fixing” it
- Any age: jumpiness at loud noises, fire drills, lockdown drills, or sirens
Respond with patience, not correction. Extra closeness, a night-light, or a parent nearby at bedtime for a while is appropriate and temporary.
Routines, media, and returning to school
Predictable routines are one of the strongest safety signals you can give a child (American School Counselor Association [ASCA], n.d.; NASP, n.d.). Bend-La Pine Schools closed all schools today, so this weekend is a good time to re-establish rhythm.
Routines
- Keep meals, bedtimes, and activities as normal as possible.
- Build in extra connection: a walk, a game, reading together, time outside.
- Give children a way to help, such as drawing a card, lighting a candle, or attending a vigil if they want to. Helping others is itself a way of coping (SAMHSA, 2012).
News and social media
- Turn off TV and radio coverage when young children are around; they experience replays as new events (NCTSN, n.d.-b).
- For older kids, watch or read together and talk about it, rather than letting them scroll alone, and build in regular news breaks (APA, n.d.).
- Ask teens what they’re seeing on TikTok, Snapchat, and group chats. Rumors and graphic content spread fast after events like this.
Returning to school
- Tell your child what to expect: counselors will be there, and adults have safety plans.
- Plan a simple goodbye ritual and say exactly when and where you’ll pick them up.
- Expect some reluctance. Gentle, steady encouragement to go works better than letting avoidance settle in, unless your child was directly exposed. In that case, talk with the school counselor first.
- Let teachers know if your child is struggling at home.
When to get more help
Reach out to a mental health professional if reactions are intense, are getting worse, or last more than about four weeks (NCTSN, n.d.-a; SAMHSA, 2012). Seek help sooner for children who were at Silver Rail, knew a victim, or have prior trauma or anxiety.
Call a professional if your child:
- Has persistent nightmares, sleep problems, or refuses to sleep alone after several weeks
- Avoids school, friends, or activities they used to enjoy
- Seems numb, detached, or unusually quiet for an extended period
- Has frequent physical complaints with no medical cause
- Shows a lasting drop in grades or functioning
- Uses alcohol or drugs, or engages in reckless behavior
Get help immediately (call or text 988, or 911) if your child:
- Talks about wanting to die, hurt themselves, or hurt others
- Shows signs of planning harm or acquiring weapons
- Seems disconnected from reality
Asking for help is a protective act, not a sign that you’ve failed. Early support helps prevent longer-term difficulties (SAMHSA, 2012).
For community members without children
This loss belongs to all of Bend, and you may feel it deeply even without kids at home. Shock, grief, anger, and trouble sleeping are normal reactions, and they may not match how the people around you are responding (Deschutes County Health Services, 2022a).
- Take care of your basics first. Eat, hydrate, rest, and step away from the news when you need to.
- Check in on the families around you. A meal, an offer to drive carpool, or simply asking “How are you holding up?” eases a heavy load.
- Watch your words in public. Children overhear conversations in stores, on sidelines, and at coffee shops. Keep speculation and graphic details out of earshot.
- Reach out if it stays heavy. Notice lasting changes in your mood, sleep, or habits, and use the resources below. They are for you too.
Local resources
Help is available now, at no cost for crisis services.
Immediate crisis lines and emergency services
| Resource | How to reach | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline | Call or text 988 | 24/7 |
| Deschutes County Crisis Line and Stabilization Center | (541) 322-7500, ext. 9 · toll-free (800) 875-7364 · walk in at 63311 NE Jamison St., Bend | 24/7 crisis assessment, intervention planning, referrals, and brief stabilization for children and adults |
| Deschutes County Behavioral Health | (541) 322-7500 | Non-crisis services and intake |
| Oregon YouthLine (teen-to-teen) | Call (877) 968-8491 or text teen2teen to 839863 | Teen peers 4–10 p.m.; adult support other hours |
| Crisis Text Line | Text HOME to 741741 | 24/7 |
| Veterans Crisis Line | Dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255 | 24/7 |
| The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth) | (866) 488-7386 or text START to 678-678 | 24/7 |
| Trans Lifeline peer support | (877) 565-8860 | Peer support from trans operators; not 24/7, check translifeline.org for hours |
| Senior Loneliness Line | (503) 200-1633 | Support for older adults |
Free walk-in community support, Friday, October 16
Deschutes County Health Services, St. Charles Health System, and Bend-La Pine Schools are hosting free drop-in support for students, families, school staff, and community members. No appointment needed.
| Location | Time | Address |
|---|---|---|
| Deschutes Public Library, Central Library | 10 a.m.–3 p.m. | 61956 SE Santorini St., Bend |
| Larkspur Community Center | 4–7 p.m. | 1600 SE Reed Market Rd., Bend |
Details: Deschutes County announcement · KTVZ. Check the county site for any added dates.
Community trauma response
| Organization | Services | Contact |
|---|---|---|
| Trauma Response Network of Central Oregon (Josie Juhasz) | Local EMDR therapists trained in recent-event trauma protocols; short-term or ongoing therapy and group interventions after community tragedies | (541) 325-3254 |
| Thrive Behavioral Health (Katrina) | Individual trauma counseling and structured grief groups, including Group Traumatic Episode Protocol (G-TEP) | (541) 390-1498 |
Local counseling and trauma specialists
| Practice | Focus | Contact |
|---|---|---|
| Broken Top Counseling | Trauma and EMDR | (541) 316-0266 |
| Mindsight | Psychological evaluations and assessments | (503) 222-0707 |
| Pivot Behavioral Health | Psychiatric medication management and therapy, ages 8+; trauma care; body-positive, LGBTQIA+ affirming, neurodiversity-affirming | (541) 293-1325 |
| Vista Counseling & Wellness Center | Child, family, and adult therapy; in person in Bend and telehealth | (541) 222-0513 · vistapsych.com/new-clients |
| Your child’s school counselor | School-based support as schools reopen | Contact your school directly |
Expanded list: For a fuller, regularly updated directory, see Bend: Crisis Resources & Trauma Response Guide, which also links to a general Bend resources list.
County crisis numbers and address verified October 16, 2026 against Deschutes County Health Services (n.d.). Community and practice listings compiled from local organization records and regional crisis documentation.
Written by Ryan Scott, PhD, Licensed Psychologist, Director, Vista Counseling & Wellness Center, October 16, 2026.
References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. (2022, May 24). How to talk to children about mass shootings. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Latest_News/How_to_Talk_to_Children_About_Mass_Shootings.aspx
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Helping your children manage distress in the aftermath of a shooting. https://www.apa.org/topics/gun-violence-crime/shooting-aftermath
American School Counselor Association. (n.d.). Helping students after a school shooting. https://schoolcounselor.org/Publications-Research/Publications/Free-ASCA-Resources/After-a-School-Shooting
Deschutes County Health Services. (2022a). Deschutes County Behavioral Health offers resources after Bend shooting tragedy. https://deschutescounty.gov/health/page/deschutes-county-behavioral-health-offers-resources-after-bend-shooting-tragedy
Deschutes County Health Services. (2022b, August 30). Community assistance center available through Friday. https://deschutes.org/health/page/community-assistance-center-available-through-friday
Deschutes County Health Services. (2026, October 15). Free community support events scheduled Friday in Bend. https://www.deschutescounty.gov/m/newsflash/Home/Detail/338
Deschutes County Health Services. (n.d.). Crisis services. https://deschutescounty.gov/health/page/crisis-services
KPTV. (2026, October 15). 5 dead in Bend elementary school shooting. https://www.kptv.com/2026/10/15/bend-police-respond-report-active-shooter-silver-rail-elementary-school/
KTVZ. (2026, October 15). Crisis support sessions set for Friday in Bend following school tragedy. https://ktvz.com/news/2026/10/15/crisis-support-sessions-set-for-friday-in-bend-following-school-tragedy/
National Association of School Psychologists. (n.d.). Talking to children about violence: Tips for parents and teachers. https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-safety-and-crisis/school-violence-resources/talking-to-children-about-violence-tips-for-parents-and-teachers
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (n.d.-a). Parent guidelines for helping youth after the recent shooting. https://www.nctsn.org/resources/parent-guidelines-helping-youth-after-recent-shooting (Spanish edition available.)
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (n.d.-b). Talking to children about the shooting. https://www.nctsn.org/resources/talking-children-about-shooting
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2012). Tips for talking with and helping children and youth cope after a disaster or traumatic event: A guide for parents, caregivers, and teachers (HHS Publication No. SMA12-4732). https://store.samhsa.gov/product/tips-talking-helping-children-youth-cope-after-disaster-or-traumatic-event-guide-parents/sma12-4732












