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10 Bold Ways to Reclaim Your Autonomy

Jaclyn Baker

Ever feel like you need a hall pass just to follow your own instincts? You’re not alone—but here’s the truth: you’re already allowed to live more freely than you think. You just haven’t given yourself the green light. Let’s fix that.

Here are 10 small-but-mighty ways to flex your autonomy—no gatekeepers, no guilt, just you, doing more of what you want.

Do Something Just Because You Want To

That $15 gym pass? Worth it—even if you only go once. You don’t need a spreadsheet of logic to justify a joy.

Try the Long Shot

Who says you need a 95% success rate to try? Go for that dream job, wild recipe, or off-the-wall idea—especially if the risk is low and the payoff could be huge.

Ignore Labels That Don’t Serve You

You’re not a “Winter.” Or a “non-runner.” Or “too old for that.” Wear the color. Take the class. Defy the box.

Break Your Own Weird Rules

Can’t do yoga until you’ve strength trained? Why not? You’re the boss of your schedule, not some made-up order of operations.

Ditch or Switch a Routine

Habits help—but they’re not sacred. Mix it up. Take a new route. Let your creativity breathe.

Create Something Wild

Paint your fence bright purple. Start a podcast. Decorate cakes like you’re on Netflix. If you feel the itch to make, scratch it.

Try Without Knowing Everything

You don’t need 20 hours of research to try salsa dancing or archery. Let curiosity lead—then decide if it’s for you.

Quit What Doesn’t Spark Joy (or Even Mild Interest)

Halfway through a book and bored? Close it. Spent money on a class but hate it? Walk away. Sunk cost isn’t a life sentence.

Do It Even If Someone Complains

They can whine, but if they can’t stop you, why let it stop you? Go to that art retreat. Watch that play solo. They’ll survive.

Ask Questions

Curious minds make great explorers. Ask strangers for life hacks. Interview people for fun. Let your curiosity roam.

Give Yourself a Little Yes

Small acts of autonomy build confidence. Do something tiny today that reminds you: you’re allowed. No one’s coming to hand you permission. You already have it. Go use it.

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The Hidden Cost of Always Being the Easygoing One

Jaclyn Baker
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We all love to be liked. There’s something comforting about being seen as the dependable one: the friend who listens, the co-worker who helps, the sibling who never makes a fuss. But here’s the question no one asks out loud: What if being “nice” is actually hurting you?

When Being Nice Becomes a Disguise

On the surface, being agreeable sounds like a strength. It’s tied to warmth, empathy, and cooperation—all things we value in relationships. But when being nice turns into people-pleasing, things start to get murky. You smile when you’re exhausted. You say yes when every fiber of your being is begging to say no. You avoid conflict like the plague, even if it means betraying yourself in the process.

Over time, this kind of chronic self-sacrifice doesn’t just wear you down—it can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a growing sense that you’re fading into the background of your own life.

How to Be Kind Without Losing Yourself

If this resonates, you’re not alone—and you’re not stuck. Here are three ways to begin shifting from pleasing to authenticity:

  1. Start with the small stuff.
     You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Practice saying “no” in low-stakes moments. Disagree gently with a friend. Turn down a non-essential favor. These micro-conflicts are like reps for your emotional muscles—they build strength over time.
  2. Set boundaries with warmth.
     Being kind doesn’t mean being available 24/7. You can say, “I care about you, but I need to rest tonight,” and still be a good person. In fact, that’s real kindness—one that includes you in the equation.
  3. Ask yourself: Who gains from my silence?
     Every time you bite your tongue or avoid rocking the boat, pause and ask: Who benefits from me staying quiet—and what is it costing me? The answers can be eye-opening.

Redefining “Nice”

The truth is, real kindness isn’t about being agreeable at all costs. It’s about being genuine. And sometimes, that means being uncomfortable, setting limits, and even disappointing others to stay true to yourself.

When we bend ourselves to fit what others want, we slowly disappear. But when we show up as our full selves—with opinions, limits, and needs—we stop performing and start living.

One Small Step: Try This

Start a boundary journal this week. Write down the moments you said “yes” when you wanted to say “no.” Then jot down what you wish you’d said instead. This small act of reflection can open the door to big change. Because yes, being liked feels good. But being real? That’s where the freedom lives.



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How to Use a Mantra for Stress Relief and Mindfulness

Jaclyn Baker

A mantra is a simple yet powerful tool to calm your mind, reduce stress, and improve focus. Originating from Sanskrit, the word “mantra” combines “manas” (mind) and “tra” (tool), making it a tool to train your mind. Repeating a mantra—either silently or aloud—can help bring you back to the present moment, quieting distractions and fostering a sense of peace.

The Science Behind Mantras

Studies show that mantra meditation can help reduce anxiety, lower blood pressure, and boost immunity. Repeating a mantra slows your breathing, promoting a state of relaxation and improving mental clarity. When combined with deep breathing, mantras help engage “resonant breathing,” which has been shown to synchronize the body’s systems for maximum efficiency.

Mantras Across Cultures

While mantras are often linked to religious practices—such as the Hail Mary in Catholicism or Sat Nam in yoga—they can be used by anyone. Simple phrases like “I am enough” or “Just this moment” can be just as effective in grounding and calming your mind.

How to Start Your Own Mantra Practice

  1. Choose Your Mantra: Pick a word or phrase that resonates with you—something calming or empowering.
  2. Match It with Your Breath: Slowly inhale for five counts while repeating the first part of your mantra, then exhale for five counts with the second part.
  3. Use a Cue or Location: Repeat your mantra at specific times—during meditation, walking, or even while driving.
  4. Be Patient: The goal is not to rush, but to stay present and connected with each repetition.

Benefits of Mantra Practice

  • Stress reduction: Helps calm your mind and lower cortisol levels.
  • Improved focus: Trains your mind to stay in the moment.
  • Increased relaxation: Slow breathing promotes a balanced nervous system.

Whether you’re looking to reduce stress or enhance your meditation practice, using a mantra is a simple and effective way to bring calm and clarity into your life.

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Stop Overthinking: 6 Ways to Take Action and Achieve More

Jaclyn Baker
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Overthinking can be a bigger threat to success than failure itself. It’s easy to get stuck in endless planning and analyzing, but nothing gets done until you take action. Here’s how to break free from the Overthinker’s Paradox and start making real progress.

  1. Create a 30-Minute MVP

Start small. Build your first version of a project in just 30 minutes. Don’t aim for perfection—focus on making it useful and functional. If 30 minutes doesn’t work, try two hours. Keep it simple and avoid getting stuck in the details.

  1. Celebrate What You Delete

The sunk costs bias can keep you attached to ideas that aren’t working. Instead of feeling bad about deleting work, celebrate it! Let go of what doesn’t work so you can move forward and improve.

  1. Share Your Failures

Don’t be afraid to show your mistakes. Whether at work or in personal projects, sharing failed experiments helps you learn and grow. Keep a log of what you’ve abandoned to remind yourself that progress comes from trying and adjusting.

  1. Label Edge Cases

Overthinkers often get caught up in unlikely “edge cases” that may never happen. When you find yourself obsessing over these, simply label them as edge cases and move on. Focus on what really matters at this stage.

  1. Feedback Means You’re Moving Forward

If you’re getting feedback, even about what isn’t working, it’s a good sign. It shows people are engaging with your work, and you’re making progress. Embrace it as a tool for improvement.

  1. Iterate Fast, Skip the Hustle Culture

Move quickly, but without the pressure of hustle culture. Rapid experimentation leads to growth, but you don’t need to burn yourself out. Stay productive at your own pace and learn from each step.

Final Thoughts: Action Over Perfection

Overthinking traps us in endless possibilities. To succeed, take action, learn from mistakes, and keep improving. The key to overcoming the Overthinker’s Paradox is simple: stop thinking, start doing.



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How Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality

Jaclyn Baker

Your thoughts shape your reality more than you may realize. The way you perceive the world around you is largely influenced by your mindset. In fact, your perspective is the filter through which you experience life, and this filter is something you can change. Here’s how understanding the power of your thoughts can transform your reality.

The Power of Perspective

Have you ever noticed how two people can experience the same situation completely differently? For example, a lottery winner might expect happiness but find that old worries and insecurities persist. The same applies to any situation—a couple on a beautiful vacation might feel blissful, while another couple in the same place might be frustrated or upset.

This difference stems from cognitive biases, such as:

  • Negativity Bias: Focusing on the negatives, even in positive situations.
  • Emotional Coloring: Our moods affect how we see things.
  • Beliefs and Expectations: Preconceived notions shape how we interpret events.

These biases can distort your reality, but you have the power to reshape them.

How to Transform Your Reality

Cultivate Mindfulness

By being present and observing your thoughts without judgment, you can begin to identify and change negative thought patterns.

Practice Cognitive Reappraisal

When faced with negative thoughts, reframe them. Instead of focusing on the anger someone cut you off in traffic, think about other possible reasons behind their actions—like rushing to an emergency.

Embrace Gratitude

Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, helping you feel more fulfilled and joyful.

The Benefits of Changing Your Thoughts

By shifting your perspective, you’ll experience:

  • Less Stress: Reducing negative thinking helps manage anxiety and stress.
  • Better Relationships: Positive thinking fosters compassion and deeper connections.
  • Increased Happiness: Focusing on what’s good in your life makes everyday moments more meaningful.
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How to Sit With Feelings

Jaclyn Baker

There is a lot of cultural focus on the New Year being “happy” and ‘looking forward to the New Year.’ But, what if you aren’t looking forward to 2025? What happens if you feel difficult emotions, while all around you people are celebrating the New Year? Here are some ideas of how to cope with painful, difficult emotions:  

  1. Reflect on some of the reasons you are feeling painful emotions and label them. Dread? Fear? Ennui? Helplessness?
  2. Remind yourself that it is okay and very authentic to not be excited about the New Year.
  3. Focus on self-care and self-compassion. You don’t need to make resolutions. You don’t need to “celebrate”.
  4. Focus on not trying to fix or judge your feelings. As kids, most of us have been taught by peers/parents/teachers to ‘shut down’ or ‘solve’ our feelings, rather than sitting with them and honoring them in a productive, kind way. By shutting down and silencing ourselves we are taking care of everyone else. By allowing ourselves to sit with our difficult emotions and giving ourselves permission to feel differently than the group at large we are taking care of ourselves.
  5. ‘Judge and Observer’:  I teach my clients, a way to view two ways of addressing our feelings;

Judge: a harsh reaction to how we feel (i.e.: should-statements, shutting down, telling self “I should be happy”; “I need to stop crying”; “What’s wrong with me”)

Observer: seeing our feelings through a neutral lens, as if we’re a camera and simply viewing and narrating how we feel (i.e.: using the Emotion Wheel to identify and neutrally call out “I feel sad and that’s okay”; “I feel angry and scared, and it’s okay to feel both”)

  1. Engage in tools and apps and other resources:

Emotion Wheel: I love handing out the Emotion Wheel to clients who are building emotional regulation and mindfulness skills, reminding them to not try to fix/judge after they identify them, but rather see how our values can line up with actionable goals (i.e.: I feel sad and scared for my community, I value my sense of togetherness and support with them, I can go volunteer, talk to friends, donate, etc)

‘Both/And’ statements: to manage mixed emotions in the new year (i.e.: “I feel sad that I’m going home, and I am looking forward to getting back into my routine”)

The “Finch” app: (mood tracking and habit-building) is one of my favorites to suggest to clients who are learning to be kinder to themselves 

“Headspace” and “Calm” meditation apps: for moments of ‘negative space’ 

(disconnecting from screens and taking breaks from overstimulating environments at work, school, and social media – a time to just sit and breathe and notice what you’re thinking)

Here Comes A Thought song for distressing thoughts & utilizing mindfulness

Have a grounded, present, and authentic New Year.



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Seven Ways to Cope with Uncertainty

Jaclyn Baker
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By: Betsy Pownall

In times of uncertainty,small ideas can make a difference. It is natural to want to close up like our distant cousin, the armadillo, and protect ourselves. It feels good at the moment, however, it is ultimately not self-protective and can eventually end up being more harmful to our mental state than helpful. Studies have shown that leaning into uncertainty is helpful in easing emotional distress. Leaning into uncertainty helps build more resilience and can help improve problem-solving ability.

So what do we do when we face an uncertain future, when we feel a sense of loss and grief for what once was, what may have been, and for what may come? Here are some ideas, from the Greater Good Magazine: Science-Based Insights for a Meaningful Life.

Don’t resist and go into denial: this won’t help you recover, learn, and grow.

Invest in yourself: you are your best resource to make a contribution to the world. If you are not investing in your self-care, you are not able to lead your best life~sustain relationships that bring you connection, sleep, eat well, and have fun.

Find healthy comfort.

Don’t believe everything you think. It can be helpful to plan for the ‘worst case scenario’ but when you believe your catastrophic thoughts, you feel threatened, afraid and unsafe.

Pay attention: choose what you focus on. The opposite of uncertainty is not certainty, it is “presence.” Practice staying present.

Believe you will not be rescued. When we feel powerless, we feel helpless and angry. What do you want in your life? What kind of life do you want to live? “To best cope with uncertainty, we need to stop complaining.” When we stop fixating on the problem, we can focus on how we can make the “best of this mess.”

Find meaning in the chaos. We are motivated by our significance to other people. A sense of purpose can ground us when the world feels frightening and uncertain. When we see something that needs improvement, ask yourself: What skills and talents can I bring to the issue? What really matters to me, and how can I be of service?

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Simple Daily Habits for a Calm Mind

Jaclyn Baker
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Finding inner peace can seem like a distant dream in today’s fast-paced world. However, peace isn’t something that happens by chance—it’s something we can actively cultivate. Here are six daily practices that can help you create the calm and tranquility your mind craves

Stop, Breathe, and Be Present

Take a few minutes throughout your day to focus on your breath. This simple act can anchor your mind to the present moment, helping you feel more alive and at ease. By embracing the here and now, you let go of stress and truly experience life.

Minimize Distractions

Our minds are often cluttered with distractions, from social media to TV. Create pockets of peace by setting aside time where you avoid these distractions, allowing your mind to slow down and find stillness.

Let Go of Worries

Spend a few minutes each day acknowledging your worries. Label them, and then let them go. This practice helps you distance yourself from problems, giving you a clearer perspective and a sense of freedom.

Prioritize Restful Sleep

Quality sleep is essential for a peaceful mind. Wind down 90 minutes before bed with calming activities, like meditation or reading. Let go of the day’s worries and invite relaxation into your evening routine.

Practice Kindness and Generosity

Giving to others through time, energy, or simple acts of kindness can uplift your mood and bring a sense of fulfillment. The act of giving, with a genuine intention, fosters a peaceful and warm heart.

Expect Nothing in Return

When you give without expecting anything back, you shift your focus from your problems to the well-being of others. This selflessness can break cycles of negative thoughts, helping peace flow into your life.

By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you create the conditions for inner peace to thrive. Remember, peace starts from within, and these small steps can lead to a profound sense of calm and happiness.



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Institutional Betrayal

Jaclyn Baker

By: Betsy Pownall

Institutional betrayal is a term that refers to a betrayal of trust or harm by an organization or institution upon the individuals it is responsible for. It can occur at work, school, religious institutions, or any organization. UO Professor Psychology Emeritus Jennifer Freyd developed the theory and defined it as “a wrong perpetrated by an institution upon an individual dependent on that institution”.

Institutional betrayal can take several forms that include:

Negligence

Negligence or failure to prevent abuse is one of the most common forms of institutional betrayal. For example: when a school fails to address bullying or harassment which can deeply affect a student’s sense of self.

Punishing Victims and Whistleblowers

Institutions that take action against individuals who report wrongdoing or abuse perpetuate a culture of silence and fear within the organization. This behavior can range from victim-blaming to firing, retaliating, and pressing charges against employees who speak out about unethical practices.

Cover-ups

Institutional betrayal can involve efforts to cover up wrongdoing to protect the institution’s reputation at the expense of the victim. For example: property owners living near toxic landfills prior to them being labeled a Superfund Site, such as Rocky Flats Plant in Boulder, Colorado, or the Love Canal Niagara Falls, NY.

Failure to Respond Adequately

If an organization doesn’t respond promptly to allegations of wrongdoing or abuse, it can make individuals feel betrayed. Inadequate responses could involve ignoring complaints, skipping investigations, and giving minimal assistance.

Normalizing Abusive Content

This includes institutions downplaying or ignoring abusive behavior or practices, making them seem acceptable or routine, which will create a toxic environment. For example: the abuse that has occurred within religious organizations in the name of god.

Some general characteristics make institutions vulnerable to institutional betrayal. These characteristics include:

  • Membership requirements: a clearly defined group with strict requirements for membership often precedes institutional betrayal, as conformity is valued and members have the potential to self-police.
  • Prestige: When institutions or their leaders play an elevated role in the community, their potential to perpetrate abuse may be deeply hidden. Leaders may lead with an assumption of trust and dependency which can be problematic when abuse is occurring, as to report the abuse would mean breaking an important relationship
  • Priorities: If Performance and reputation are valued over the well-being of members, the potential for abuse and the cover-up of abuse is high. Institutions may emphasize “maintaining appearances” above all else.
  • Institutional Denial: This is best described when an institution has had allegations of abuse waged against it and it  “others” the victims, casting doubt on the truthfulness of the allegations of abuse.

Coping with institutional betrayal can be challenging. Here are some strategies:

  1. Seek support
  2. Tell your story
  3. Advocate for change: many survivors become advocates for change to prevent future abuse from happening.
  4. Self-care
  5. Legal recourse: consulting with a lawyer can help victims explore their rights and choices

The impact of institutional betrayal can be deep and long-lasting to the individual. It can cause emotional distress, mental health issues, a diminished sense of trust in the individual, and social anxiety. 

Advocating for change and holding others accountable can give individuals a sense of agency and empowerment and has the potential of restoring trust in institutions that are meant to protect and serve others.

The Center for Institutional Courage (CIC), founded by Jennifer Freyd, PhD in January 2020, is a non-profit dedicated to research and education about institutional betrayal and how to counter it through institutional courage. CIC believes, “courage sees a figure where our institutions act courageously: with accountability, with transparency, actively seeking justice, and making changes where needed despite unpleasantness, risk, and short-term costs”.

Sources: 

“What is Institutional Betrayal and How can it Affect You?” (2023) ImPossible Psychological Services. 

 Center for Institutional Courage, https://www.institutionalcourage.org/

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Shifting Your State of Mind

Jaclyn Baker

Our state of mind plays a pivotal role in how we perceive and interact with the world around us. 

You can learn to optimize your state of mind to suit the situations and challenges you face.

 Here are a few strategies to help you make this shift:

Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness or meditation can help you become more aware of your current state of mind and learn to shift it intentionally. These practices foster a sense of presence and awareness, allowing you to recognize when you’re falling into a narrow mindset and gently guide yourself back to a broader perspective.

Exposure to New Experiences: Stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things can naturally broaden your state of mind. Whether it’s learning a new skill, visiting a new place, or meeting new people, each new experience adds to your repertoire of knowledge and helps shift your perspective.

Gratitude Practice: Regularly acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your life can foster a broader, more positive state of mind. Gratitude helps shift your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant, encouraging a more expansive and optimistic outlook.

By actively working to broaden your mental perspective, you can enhance your creativity, improve your mood, and become more open to new experiences.

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Unlock the Power of Sticky Goals

Jaclyn Baker
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As we dive into the excitement of a new day, it’s an opportunity to harness the power of sticky goals to pave the way for success. Setting goals is easy, but sticking to them requires a unique approach that sparks motivation, fosters commitment, and ignites passion. 

Enter the “sticky goals” concept – the secret sauce that transforms dreams into reality. While the idea of setting SMART goals is well-known, the often-overlooked stickiness factor holds the key to lasting success. As our favorite apps and games keep us hooked with their engaging features, sticky goals captivate our attention, fuel our motivation, and keep us on track toward our objectives. 

So, whether you’re striving for personal growth, financial prosperity, or simply aiming to live your best life, it’s time to embrace the challenge of making your goals sticky – and watch your dreams take flight. 

Embrace the Power of Selectivity

Embrace the art of selectivity by prioritizing the goals that truly matter to you. Resist the urge to scatter your focus across numerous objectives; instead, channel your energy into a select few that align with your passions and aspirations. 

Keeping your goals in mind will pave the way for sustained commitment and unwavering determination.

Visualize Your Success:

Start with the end in mind and vividly describe your desired outcome. 

Whether it’s picturing yourself living your dream lifestyle or achieving a personal milestone, harness the power of visualization to fuel your motivation and guide your journey toward success. 

Level Up With Gamification:

Transform the pursuit of your goals into an exhilarating game of progress and rewards. Inject fun and excitement into your journey by gamifying your objectives.

From earning points for completing tasks to treating yourself to small rewards, gamification adds a playful twist to goal-setting, making it both enjoyable and engaging.

Break Down Your Goals Down:

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are your goals. Break down your aspirations into bite-sized tasks or milestones that are easily achievable. 

By taking small, consistent actions, you build momentum and ward off overwhelm and anxiety. Embrace the power of incremental progress and celebrate each small victory, knowing that every step forward brings you closer to your ultimate destination.

Cultivate Self-Compassion: 

As you navigate the ups and downs of your goal pursuit, remember to be kind to yourself. Mastery takes time, and setbacks are inevitable. So, instead of dwelling on your shortcomings, practice self-compassion and patience. 

Treat yourself with the same kindness and embrace the journey with an open heart and a gentle spirit, knowing that every step forward is a testament to your resilience and growth.



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Mending the Broken

Jaclyn Baker
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By: Betsy Pownall

There is a 2,000 year old text buried in the Mishnah, or the oral Torah, a book of Jewish oral traditions, that includes an ancient practice of dealing with grief and loss. In her New York Times essay, “Two Lessons from an Ancient Text that Changed My Life”, Sharon Brous describes a pilgrimage ritual where “hundreds of thousands of Jews would ascend to Jerusalem,” climb the steps of the Temple Mount, enter the plaza and turn to the right, circling counterclockwise, as a group of thousands. 

Meanwhile, “the brokenhearted, the mourners (and the lonely and sick) would make this same ritual walk but they would turn to the left, and circle in the opposite direction: Every step against the current”.

As the mourners walked clockwise, they would meet the eyes of those walking counterclockwise, who would ask, “Why does your heart ache?” and the mourners would answer. “My son is sick” they might say. “My father died and I never got to say these last words to him”. Those walking on the right side would offer a spiritual blessing that includes the words “You are not alone”.

When one is in pain the world is eclipsed, and felt experience is telescoped into a tiny pinprick of feeling of pain. The world surrounding this pinprick is dark. Nothing else seems to matter, and the feeling of loneliness can feel interminable. This ancient exercise allows the person feeling broken to be seen, felt, and held by others, as they pass. Everyone acknowledges that while today I might be walking on the right side of the plaza, offering a blessing, next time I could be walking on the left, needing the blessing to stay afloat. None of us are immune.

Ms. Bouse offers two insights she has taken away from this text. First, she says, if you are mourning a broken heart, don’t isolate yourself. Move toward people and communities who can support you, and hold you in this time. And, when you feel strong, show up for those in pain. She writes that when we see someone who is emotionally struggling, “asking, with an open heart ‘Tell me about your sorrow’ may be the deepest affirmation of our humanity, even in terribly inhumane times.” While we cannot make another’s pain disappear, we can connect and support the other so that they are not alone in their grief. Approaching another when they are grieving means “training ourselves to approach, even when our instinct tells us to withdraw”. Calling, reaching out, going to the funeral, the wedding, the birthday, “err on the side of presence”.

Ms. Bouse’s second insight is that while human beings generally gravitate toward what they know, this tribal instinct “can be perilous”. She suggests that “one of the greatest casualties of tribalism is curiosity”. When we do not try to understand or imagine what another person may be experiencing, “our hearts begin to narrow”. We become less compassionate, more assured in our own existence, and less humble in the face of the other. 

As a society, she asks, wouldn’t it be transformative if we learn not to be afraid of the other? That we learn to hold each other “with curiosity and care…we learn to see one another in pain, to ask one another “What happened to you?” These “sincere, tender encounters” remind us we are all connected. It is in our connection we can heal our broken hearts.

Rabbi Brous is the founding and senior rabbi of Ikar, a Jewish community-based in Los Angeles, and the author of “The Amen Effect.”

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