By: Claire Butcher
Self-harm is when an individual injures themselves on purpose and is a sign of emotional distress. Self-injury can develop into a coping skill to ease complicated feelings and other mental health struggles. Self-harming can also be a way for people to manage big emotions, provide a release of pain-killing endorphins, or feel something ‘real’ if feeling emotionally ‘numb.’
Research shows that self-injury occurs in approximately 5% of adults in America and 17% of teens, with a higher risk for BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ communities and college-aged adults. However, due to mental health stigma, these statistics are likely underreported. Forms of self-harm can look like – but are not limited to the following:
- Cutting skin
- Hitting yourself
- Burning skin
- Picking at wounds
- Pulling out hair
- Using binge eating, drinking, or drug use to self-harm
‘Do’s and Don’ts’ of Talking To Someone Who Self-Harms
DO:
- Stay calm – it might be activating to hear someone is harming themselves, but reacting with big emotions can show the person struggling that it may not be safe to share with others in the future
- Validate Feelings – acknowledging the person’s feelings can show them it’s okay to talk about their mental health and reach out for help
- Offer a Listening Ear – routinely checking in on people struggling with mental health can make a great difference in the healing process
- Help them Access Support – if the person is willing, gently recommend beginning talk therapy and provide crisis and community resources
DON’T:
- Judge – it takes a great deal of vulnerability and strength to tell someone you’re self-harming, and judgment will feed into the cycle of self-injury and shame
- Force them to Stop – sometimes self-injury is one of the only coping skills people have, so it’s important to explore how we can reduce harm and add in new skills
- Sugar-Coat – saying ‘you’ll be okay tomorrow’ or dismissing self-harm can be invalidating to someone’s experience, especially one that is as serious as self-injury
- Try and Find Answers – you don’t have to know all the answers, and the person who has shared this with you may just want to feel heard and supported
Grounding Tools and Harm-Reduction for Self-Injury
Managing difficult feelings, numbness, and feeling ‘activated’ can take many forms, ranging from harm reduction that mimics the same sensations as self-harm to other techniques to release or regulate energy. Engaging in DBT—Dialectical Behavioral Therapy—can help build a toolbox of skills to manage big feelings, directing energy to healthier long-term outlets.
Here are some examples of grounding skills to replace self-harm:
- Hold ice cubes
- Take a hot or cold shower
- Exercise
- Punch pillows
- Tear up paper or magazines
- Do breathing exercises
- Draw, paint, or put stickers on skin
- Hug a stuffed animal or loved one
- Play with a pet
- Call a friend
- Eat spicy food, sour candy, or strong mints
- Pick up a random object and take time to notice its color, texture, and other characteristics
- Engage in creative outlets (coloring, drawing)
- Make a comforting hot drink
Feel free to get creative with harm reduction! If you engage in cutting, try to reduce harm by making and squeezing a ball of tinfoil to mimic the ‘pokey’/sharp feeling. Here are some fidgets made to promote harm-reduction.
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