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National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

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By: Claire Butcher

We aren’t often taught how to recognize the subtle signs of domestic violence, let alone methods to best support our community when they’re in an abusive relationship. With October acting as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we’ll review the common warning signs of DV, and learn the dos and don’ts of supporting a loved one through an abusive partnership. 

Common Warning Signs

Before learning the more subtle warning signs of domestic violence, let’s review the larger cues that stand out more clearly.

  • Partner’s inability to show compassion to others
  • Destroying your personal possessions or controlling your hobbies, finances, or schedule
  • Tracking your location
  • Threatening you, a loved one, a pet
  • Threatening to tell family, friends, colleagues about your sexual orientation or gender identity without your consent
  • Pressuring you to have sex, or forcing you to perform sex
  • Yelling, throwing things, and physical violence such as hitting, slapping, choking

Domestic violence often doesn’t start with overt, violent behaviors, but rather smaller cues that slowly wear the partner down:

  • Partner idolizing you at the beginning of the relationship, and putting pressure on you to commit quickly
  • Disregarding your privacy and routinely checking up on you even when boundaries are set
  • Acting jealous or possessive 
  • Isolating you by speaking negatively about your friends and family, even trying to persuade you to cut them off (ex: “Your family doesn’t love you”, “You’re better off without them”, “Are you really that close with ___?”)
  • Becoming anxious and upset when you don’t reply or come home on time
  • Making you second guess your own judgement 
  • Blaming their poor behavior on you or others
  • Volatile mood swings making you feel like you’re ‘walking on eggshells’
  • Pressuring you to commit to their interests and disregard your own
  • Putting unrealistic expectations on you or the relationship
  • Putting you down verbally, apologizing, and repeating the pattern

The Dos and Don’ts of Supporting Loved Ones

It’s normal to want to give advice to our loved ones who are surviving domestic violence, or even take control and make decisions for them to get them safe. However it’s vital to empower our loved ones to make their own decision with their agency to choose how to heal. Here’s why it can be hard for people to leave a DV situation: 

  • Fear of partner’s retaliation
  • Financial dependence on partner
  • Shame of both staying and leaving
  • Hoping partner will change
  • Wanting to stay together for kids and pets
  • Lack of support from family and friends
  • Cultural factors such as stigma associated with divorce

Dos:

  • Listen, believe, and affirm their situation 
  • Prioritize safety by providing hotlines and resources, and encourage them to make a safety plan 
  • Maintain connection and keep in touch with them
  • Respect their agency to choose their next steps

Don’ts:

  • Blame or judge
  • Attack the partner – this may cause a safety issue for your loved one, and is also taking away from their own decision on how to move forward
  • Give ultimatums or try and convince them to make a certain decision
  • Pity them or become emotional

Domestic Violence Hotlines and Resources

With nonjudgmental care and listening, we can support our loved ones and create a safer and more informed community. Please share the resources below with friends and family who may need them.

References:

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The Strengths Introverts Bring to the Workplace

In many workplaces, the loudest voice in the room can easily get the most attention. But being the most outspoken doesn’t necessarily mean having the best ideas.

Introverts can bring a different set of strengths to the workplace, from thoughtful decision-making to careful listening and focused problem-solving. While these qualities may not always be immediately visible, they can make a meaningful difference to a team.

They Take Time to Think

Introverts often prefer having a little time to process information before responding.

In a fast-paced meeting, this can sometimes be mistaken for hesitation. In reality, taking time to reflect can lead to more considered questions, ideas and solutions.

Not every great contribution needs to happen immediately.

Giving employees an opportunity to review information beforehand or follow up after a meeting can help create space for people who do their best thinking after they’ve had time to process.

They Tend to Be Strong Listeners

Good communication isn’t just about speaking. It’s also about listening.

Introverts may be more comfortable observing a conversation, listening carefully and taking in different perspectives before contributing.

This can be especially valuable when working with clients, managing teams or navigating complicated conversations. Someone who listens closely may notice concerns, details or opportunities that others miss.

They Can Thrive With Focused Work

Many introverts prefer environments where they can concentrate deeply without constant interruptions.

That ability to focus can be valuable when a project requires research, writing, strategy, analysis, problem-solving or other work that benefits from sustained attention.

It doesn’t mean introverts can’t collaborate. It simply means that a balance between collaboration and independent work may help them perform at their best.

Introverts Can Be Effective Leaders

Leadership doesn’t have to mean being the most charismatic or outgoing person in the room.

Introverted leaders may bring a quieter approach to leadership. They can lead by listening, preparing carefully, creating space for others to contribute and making thoughtful decisions.

Different teams also need different leadership styles. Some employees may respond particularly well to a leader who asks questions and gives them room to share their own ideas.

Visibility Can Still Matter

One challenge introverts may experience at work is making sure their contributions are noticed.

This doesn’t mean someone needs to completely change their personality to succeed.

Small changes can make a difference. Speaking up once during a meeting, sharing an idea in writing, volunteering for a project or communicating accomplishments to a manager can all help increase visibility without requiring someone to become the loudest person in the room.

Workplaces Can Help Introverts Contribute

It’s also important not to put all the responsibility on employees.

Workplaces can structure communication in ways that allow different personalities and working styles to contribute.

Sending meeting agendas in advance gives employees time to prepare. Allowing a few minutes for individual brainstorming before a group discussion can help people develop their ideas. Providing opportunities for written feedback can also encourage participation from employees who may be less comfortable speaking spontaneously.

These are relatively small adjustments, but they can help teams hear from people whose ideas might otherwise go unspoken.

There’s More Than One Way to Be Successful at Work

Extroversion and introversion aren’t measures of someone’s ability, ambition or potential.

People simply process information, communicate and recharge differently.

When workplaces recognize those differences, they can create environments where more employees have an opportunity to contribute in ways that suit their strengths.

Sometimes the person who says the least in a meeting has spent the most time thinking about what needs to be said.

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Myth-Busting Suicide Prevention

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By Hannah Wahl, CSWA

Myths about suicidal ideation can contribute to stigma and prevent people from seeking help. While talking about suicide can feel taboo or intimidating, many worry that bringing it will worsen the situation or “plant” the idea in someone’s head. However, evidence suggests the opposite: avoiding these conversations does not prevent suicide, but having them can be life-saving.

Myth #1: Asking someone if they are suicidal will make them suicidal.

Fact: Studies examining whether asking about suicide increases suicidal thoughts have found no correlation between the two. In fact, a study conducted at Cambridge University found a reduction in suicidal ideation among participants after they were asked suicide-related questions. It is okay to be direct. Try saying, “I’m noticing some changes in you; are you thinking about suicide?” or “I’m worried about you; have you been thinking about suicide?”  Using the word “suicide”will not plant the idea, but it may provide a safe space for someone to share their pain.

Myth #2: People who are suicidal are attention-seekers.

Fact: Expressions of suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. Warning signs may include talking about wanting to die, expressing hopelessness, feeling trapped or like a burden, withdrawing from activities, increasing substance use, acting recklessly, or developing a suicide plan. If you or someone you know shows these signs, please contact the resources listed below.

Myth #3: If someone wants to die, there’s nothing we can do about it.

Fact: Suicidal ideation can fluctuate by the day or even the moment. Often, the immediate goal is simply to keep the person safe for the time being. Supporting someone through a crisis can provide the time and space needed for those feelings to change.

What to do if you are feeling suicidal: You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. Focus on staying safe while you get help.

Tell someone. Reach out to a friend, family member, or the 988 lifeline. You can simply state, “I’m feeling suicidal and I shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Create distance from lethal means. Put barriers between yourself and anything you could hurt yourself. Ask a professional or a trusted friend to hold medications or firearms, or store them in a locked safe. Restricting access to lethal means is one of the most effective ways to prevent suicide.

Do not isolate. Be somewhere or with someone that makes you feel safe. Ask a loved one to stay with you. Make a safety plan. Identify your warning signs, coping skills, helpful distractions, and professional resources. Remind yourself of reasons to live, such as loved ones, pets, or future experiences you look forward to.

Get help. Call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Call 911 or go to your local emergency room if you are in immediate danger or have already harmed yourself. What to do if someone else is feeling suicidal:

Notice. If someone seems different (withdrawing, expressing hopelessness, or acting recklessly), check in and offer a listening ear.

Ask. “I’ve been noticing you seem like you could be struggling. Are you thinking about suicide?” If they say yes, don’t panic.

Listen. Say something like “I’m glad you told me” or “you don’t have to face this alone”.

Stay with them. Keep the conversation going or stay with them until a a professional or another trusted person can help. If possible, help them remove dangerous items from their immediate environment. Seek emergency services if danger is imminent. Follow up and connect. Check in and let them know you’re thinking about them.

Invite them to FaceTime or play a game. Take them out for a walk or a coffee. Suicide prevention can be simple. It can be offering an empathetic ear or ensuring someone knows how to ask for help. Being willing to say, “I’m feeling suicidal,” or asking,

“Are you feeling suicidal?” could be a life-saving difference. Effective prevention includes clinical treatment, crisis services, and human connection. A study of adults receiving emergency care found that safety planning interventions combined with follow-up care were associated with 45% fewer suicidal behaviors over six months and doubled the odds of continued mental health treatment. Let’s reduce stigma associated with suicide by being comfortable enough to talk about When someone does feel suicidal, let our response be calm, compassionate, connected, and safe – not silent.

References:

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/psychological-medicine/article/does-asking-about-suicide-and-related-behaviours-induce-suicidal-ideation-what-is-the-evidence/FCAEE9E5BC840D76CF10AEBECD921AC9

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30014862/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29998307/

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/2767408

 

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How to Clarify Your Values and Build a Simple 90-Day Plan

How to Clarify Your Values and Build a Simple 90-Day Plan

Before setting ambitious goals for the year ahead, it’s worth pausing to get clear on what actually matters to you. Without that clarity, even the most well-crafted plans can lead to burnout, distraction, or progress that doesn’t feel meaningful. A focused 90-day plan rooted in your values can help you move forward with purpose and direction.

Start with Your Current Reality

Clarity doesn’t come from forcing goals, it comes from honest reflection. Take time to assess where you are right now across different areas of your life: work, health, relationships, and personal growth. What’s working well? What feels off? What’s draining your energy?

This step isn’t about judgment, it’s about awareness. When you understand your current reality, your goals become more grounded and achievable.

Define Your Season

Not every phase of life is meant for rapid growth. Sometimes you’re building, sometimes maintaining, sometimes navigating change, and sometimes recovering.

Ask yourself: What season am I in right now?

  • Growth: You have energy and capacity to push forward.
  • Stability: You’re maintaining and strengthening what you’ve built.
  • Transition: You’re navigating change or uncertainty.
  • Recovery: You need rest, healing, or recalibration.

Defining your season helps you set realistic expectations and prevents you from taking on more than you can sustain.

Choose 3–5 Focused Priorities

Once you’re clear on your values and your season, narrow your focus. Instead of trying to improve everything at once, choose three to five priorities for the next 90 days.

These should reflect what truly matters, not what feels urgent or externally pressured.

For each priority, keep it simple:

  • What outcome do you want?
  • What does progress look like?
  • What’s one small step you can take this week?

This keeps your energy directed toward meaningful progress instead of scattered effort.

Build Your 90-Day Plan

A 90-day timeframe is long enough to see real progress, but short enough to stay focused. Break your priorities into small, manageable actions you can take weekly.

Avoid overcomplicating the plan. Clarity and consistency matter more than perfection.

Check In Regularly

A plan is only useful if you stay connected to it. Set aside time each week or month to review your progress:

  • What’s working?
  • What feels misaligned?
  • What needs to change?

These check-ins aren’t about starting over, they’re about adjusting your direction while staying committed to your priorities.

Move Forward with Intention

When your goals are aligned with your values and your current season, progress feels more natural and sustainable. Instead of chasing everything, you focus on what truly matters and that’s where meaningful change happens.

A simple, intentional 90-day plan can be the difference between feeling overwhelmed and moving forward with clarity.

 

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How Your Interests Buffer Work Stress

How Your Interests Buffer Work Stress

Work stress has a sneaky way of shrinking your world. Deadlines loom large, problems feel personal, and every task can start to feel urgent and heavy. One of the most underrated ways to counteract this? Your interests outside of work.

Hobbies, passions, and side curiosities aren’t just “extras” you squeeze in after hours; they actively protect your mental health and improve how you function at work. Here’s how your interests quietly buffer work stress and make you better at what you do.

They Put Your Work Pressures in Perspective

When work is your only mental landscape, every setback feels catastrophic. A missed deadline or critical feedback can seem like a referendum on your worth. Interests outside of work expand your sense of identity and remind you that your job is just one part of a much larger life.

Whether it’s running, painting, volunteering, gaming, or learning a language, these pursuits anchor you in experiences where success and failure have lower stakes. That distance makes it easier to step back and say, “This is stressful, but it’s not everything.” Perspective doesn’t eliminate pressure but it keeps it from consuming you.

They Give You New Problem-Solving Tools

Different interests train different kinds of thinking. A hobby that challenges you like cooking, music, sports, or strategy games forces your brain to approach problems in new ways.

Over time, those skills quietly transfer back into your work. You may become more comfortable experimenting, iterating, or sitting with uncertainty. You might notice patterns faster or approach obstacles with more curiosity and less panic. When your brain has multiple toolkits to draw from, work problems stop feeling like dead ends and start looking like puzzles.

They Develop Your Creative Abilities

Creativity isn’t limited to artistic roles. Every job requires creative thinking, finding better workflows, communicating ideas clearly, or adapting to change. Interests outside of work are often where creativity gets real practice.

When you write, build, design, or explore purely for enjoyment, you exercise imagination without performance pressure. That freedom strengthens your ability to generate ideas, make unexpected connections, and think flexibly. Even if your job is highly structured, creative interests help keep your thinking fluid instead of rigid—an essential buffer against burnout.

They Provide Fresh Frameworks for Structuring Projects

Many interests come with built-in systems: training plans, story arcs, practice routines, or iterative improvement cycles. Over time, you internalize these frameworks without realizing it.

Later, when work projects feel chaotic, you may instinctively borrow from those structures—breaking tasks into stages, setting milestones, or focusing on process over outcome. Familiar frameworks reduce cognitive load and make complex work feel more manageable. That sense of structure can significantly lower stress, especially during high-pressure periods.

The Bigger Picture

Your interests don’t distract you from work—they support you through it. They widen your perspective, sharpen your thinking, and give your mind places to rest and reset. In a culture that often glorifies nonstop productivity, protecting time for what you love isn’t indulgent. It’s strategic.

The more fully you engage with your interests, the more resilient you become not just as a worker, but as a person.

 

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Feel-Good Rituals for Winters

Winter has a way of creeping into your mood—quietly, gradually, almost without you noticing. The days get shorter, the sunlight fades faster, and suddenly your energy, motivation, and focus feel like they’re running on low battery. 

But here’s the good news: winter doesn’t have to dim your spirit. With a few intentional shifts to your space, habits, and daily rhythm, you can turn this season into a time of comfort, clarity, and emotional balance.

How to Reset Your Mood This Winter:

Chase the Light—Literally

Natural light is one of the strongest mood boosters. Open your blinds as soon as you wake up, pull back heavy curtains, and position your workspace or reading chair near a window. 

Pro Tip: On extra-dark days, use bright, cool-white lighting during work hours, then switch to warmer tones at night to help your body wind down.

Declutter and Refresh Your Space

A cluttered home amplifies mental noise. Clear surfaces, tidy corners, wash blankets, and refresh your environment. Even light cleaning releases endorphins and creates a sense of accomplishment. 

Pro tip: Add mood-supportive scents like lavender for calm, lemon for clarity, or peppermint to energize you before taking on winter chores.

Bring nature indoors.

You don’t have to be outdoors to feel its benefits. Open a window when the temperature allows, or use a fan on low to create gentle airflow. Incorporate movement the way nature does—use soft curtains that sway lightly, or add plants to bring life and color to your home. 

Pro Tip: Nature-inspired spaces help reset your nervous system.

Build Routines That Nourish You

Get outside, even briefly, for fresh air and a natural reset. Aim for 30 minutes of movement most days, whether stretching, walking, or working out. Eat nutrient-rich foods—think greens, citrus, nuts, and hearty winter vegetables. 

Prioritize sleep by limiting screens at night and keeping a consistent routine.

Final Thoughts

This is your cozy season reset—make it your best winter yet.



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How Creativity Fuels Resilience

Life can test us, but it’s our resilience that propels us to move forward. At the heart of that resilience, motivation can come from many sources, such as community, hobbies, and creativity. 

Creativity isn’t just limited to those who love the arts – it’s for everyone. When people think of creativity, painting and writing can come to mind, but it’s about more than that. It’s also about finding fresh ways to express ourselves, learn to adapt, and reimagine our lives. 

Tapping into creative practices can provide us with new outlets for healing, resilience, and strength to move forward. 

Use Creative Expression as Release

Dealing with overwhelming feelings? Having a creative space to express them can help us release these heavy emotions and give us time to process them, allowing us to understand ourselves better. The next time we feel intense emotion, we can grab a pen or a brush and express ourselves through creative activities. 

Reframe Your Story Through Creativity

Resilience can thrive on perspective, and if we are positive about ourselves and our story, it becomes even more powerful. That’s where creativity comes in. Through creative projects, such as poetry or journaling, we can reshape our narrative, accept our past, and transform our future. It’s all about turning hardship into growth and possibility. 

Find Joy in Small Acts of Creation

It can be freeing to be creative, even in small ways.  Cooking a colorful meal, rearranging our space, or snapping photos of nature can be simple acts with a big impact. Including these “creative rituals” in our day helps us experience little sparks of joy that can fuel our resilience and enjoyment of everyday life, keeping us going.

See Creativity as a Pathway to Growth

With the lens of creativity, we can look at each new day as a blank canvas and think, “How will I paint this into something new?” It’s a reminder that life, just like art, is formed by trying, making mistakes, and trying again. This way of thinking can breathe new hope and self-discovery into our daily lives. 

Final Thoughts

Creative practices are not meant to erase the challenges we face, but to transform them. By engaging in these practices, we can fuel our resilience, find meaning, and discover how adaptable we truly are. That even in tough times, we can create a masterpiece.

 

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The Guiding Principles of a Purpose-Driven Life

We all search for meaning. Some find it in career, others in family, and some through spiritual or creative pursuits. But no matter where purpose is rooted – it can give our lives meaning, direction, and depth. 

The beauty of purpose is that it isn’t one-size-fits-all. There are still guiding principles that can help us find more meaning in our lives and remind us of what really matters. Here are some ways we can discover meaning and purpose in our daily lives.

Stay Connected to Your “Why”

Our “why” is an inner anchor and the deeper reason behind our goals, choices, and commitments. It’s the push we need to get up in the morning and move forward even when challenges arise. For example, working on a project might feel draining but a motivation for “why” is continuing our passions. The “why” can be a reminder of who we are and what we stand for. 

Embrace Growth and Change

Purpose can be more than one thing and can evolve as we do. Allowing ourselves the flexibility to grow, shift directions, and explore new callings is key. Life can present new experiences and with them can come new callings. We can give ourselves permission to pivot, let go of outdated foals, and embrace new directions.

Align Daily Choices with Your Purpose

Big visions are inspiring but purpose can also come from small, daily choices. It can be as simple as how you choose to spend your mornings or the time you take on committing to the things you love, like writing or reading. We don’t need to constantly overhaul our lives to live with purpose but we can over time, do consistent actions each day that reflect our deepest values. 

Final Thoughts

Living with purpose doesn’t mean everything has to be figured out. Rather, it means we choose to navigate our lives with intention and more direction. Every day is a chance to live with greater meaning, to connect with what truly matters, and to leave behind something lasting.

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Self-Injury Awareness Day

By: Claire Butcher

Self-harm is when an individual injures themselves on purpose and is a sign of emotional distress. Self-injury can develop into a coping skill to ease complicated feelings and other mental health struggles. Self-harming can also be a way for people to manage big emotions, provide a release of pain-killing endorphins, or feel something ‘real’ if feeling emotionally ‘numb.’

Research shows that self-injury occurs in approximately 5% of adults in America and 17% of teens, with a higher risk for BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ communities and college-aged adults. However, due to mental health stigma, these statistics are likely underreported. Forms of self-harm can look like – but are not limited to the following:

  • Cutting skin
  • Hitting yourself
  • Burning skin
  • Picking at wounds
  • Pulling out hair
  • Using binge eating, drinking, or drug use to self-harm

‘Do’s and Don’ts’ of Talking To Someone Who Self-Harms

DO:

  • Stay calm – it might be activating to hear someone is harming themselves, but reacting with big emotions can show the person struggling that it may not be safe to share with others in the future
  • Validate Feelings – acknowledging the person’s feelings can show them it’s okay to talk about their mental health and reach out for help
  • Offer a Listening Ear – routinely checking in on people struggling with mental health can make a great difference in the healing process
  • Help them Access Support – if the person is willing, gently recommend beginning talk therapy and provide crisis and community resources

DON’T:

  • Judge – it takes a great deal of vulnerability and strength to tell someone you’re self-harming, and judgment will feed into the cycle of self-injury and shame
  • Force them to Stop – sometimes self-injury is one of the only coping skills people have, so it’s important to explore how we can reduce harm and add in new skills 
  • Sugar-Coat – saying ‘you’ll be okay tomorrow’ or dismissing self-harm can be invalidating to someone’s experience, especially one that is as serious as self-injury 
  • Try and Find Answers – you don’t have to know all the answers, and the person who has shared this with you may just want to feel heard and supported

Grounding Tools and Harm-Reduction for Self-Injury

Managing difficult feelings, numbness, and feeling ‘activated’ can take many forms, ranging from harm reduction that mimics the same sensations as self-harm to other techniques to release or regulate energy. Engaging in DBT—Dialectical Behavioral Therapy—can help build a toolbox of skills to manage big feelings, directing energy to healthier long-term outlets. 

Here are some examples of grounding skills to replace self-harm:

  • Hold ice cubes
  • Take a hot or cold shower
  • Exercise 
  • Punch pillows
  • Tear up paper or magazines 
  • Do breathing exercises
  • Draw, paint, or put stickers on skin
  • Hug a stuffed animal or loved one
  • Play with a pet
  • Call a friend
  • Eat spicy food, sour candy, or strong mints
  • Pick up a random object and take time to notice its color, texture, and other characteristics
  • Engage in creative outlets (coloring, drawing)
  • Make a comforting hot drink

Feel free to get creative with harm reduction! If you engage in cutting, try to reduce harm by making and squeezing a ball of tinfoil to mimic the ‘pokey’/sharp feeling. Here are some fidgets made to promote harm-reduction. 

References:

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Feeling Good as Political Resistance

By: Emi Gilbert 

For many of us, our current political climate has provoked a nervous system state of defeat and numbness. In polyvagal terms, a common response to current events has been a “dorsal vagal shutdown,” in which we are immobilized, collapsed, and frozen. 

Unfortunately, this frozenness is the exact type of response that benefits oppressive systems, keeping the marginalized silent and without the energy to resist.

So how can we reconnect with our bodies and transform “immobilization” into “mobilization”? Adrienne Maree Brown, a Black feminist activist and writer, compiled a collection of essays in Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good (2019). In it, she argues that experiencing pleasure (such as through friendship, community, sexuality, and intimacy) is a form of active resistance. When the grand political environment feels so dire, many of us feel a sense of guilt or shame when experiencing pleasure. Brown instead insists that feeling pleasure fosters a sense of “aliveness” that is inherently powerful. 

At the very least, Brown frames pleasure as harm reduction within an oppressive society, mitigating the dehumanizing effects of marginalization. 

Brown’s philosophy is not new. She quotes Audre Lorde (another Black feminist activist), who stated that self-care is “not self-indulgence; it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

In practical terms, Brown encourages using somatic exercises to tune into our bodies and understand what brings us a sense of “yes.” A few other practical principles include:

  •       Meditating
  •       Keeping a “pleasure journal” of what brings you joy
  •       Laughter, dance, singing, and food
  •       Setting boundaries and “only saying yes when you mean it.”
  •       Investing in relationships

For more ideas, see Brown, A. M. (2019) Pleasure Activism: The Politics of feeling good. AK Press.

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Avoid This Common Boundary-Setting Mistake: 6 Steps to Boundaries That Stick

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining respect and connection in relationships. However, many people confuse setting boundaries with making requests, demands, or complaints. So, how can you set boundaries that actually stick? Here’s a quick guide to help you navigate this important skill.

What’s the Difference Between Boundaries and Other Communication Tactics?

  • Complaints express dissatisfaction but don’t suggest a solution.
  • Demands try to control others and expect compliance.
  • Requests ask for something respectfully but leave room for the other person’s choice.
  • Boundaries focus on your actions—what you will or won’t tolerate.

A healthy boundary makes it clear what you will do to protect yourself without relying on others to change.

6 Steps to Set Boundaries That Stick

Find Your Big Why: Identify why the boundary is important. What will change for the better once it’s in place?

Define Your Boundary: Clearly state what is OKAY and what isn’t. Example: “If you yell at me, I will take a 15-minute break.”

Anticipate Others’ Reactions: Understand that others may have strong feelings about your boundary. It’s not your job to manage their emotions.

Anticipate Your Own Reactions: Prepare for how you’ll respond if someone challenges your boundary. Stay calm and aligned with your values.

Create a Self-Soothing Plan: Have a strategy to calm yourself if boundary-setting feels overwhelming. Deep breaths or a mantra can help.

Say It and Follow Through: Once you’ve set the boundary, don’t apologize or over-explain. Just state it kindly and stick to it.

Why Boundaries Matter

Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and self-care. It helps you feel safe, connected, and empowered in your relationships. By following these 6 steps, you’ll ensure that your boundaries are clear, actionable, and respected.

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How Do You Survive The Season?

By Erin Gillingham

This time of year can be filled with joy and fun, but with that comes stress, sadness, and a bevy of other emotions and feelings. The seasons are changing, the temperatures are getting colder, and the time change is making it darker earlier. The environmental stress alone can be rough. So we asked our staff: How do you survive the season?  

  • Scented candles always make me feel warm and happy. Fuzzy blankets and socks are good for when you’re feeling down in Winter. Also, a great way to spend a cold, dark evening is with a holiday movie and hot chocolate or a warm beverage. 
  • Setting a price budget with everyone beforehand really helps when it comes to gift giving. For example, making it clear everyone is only giving $20 gifts.
  • I like to put more care and intention into my morning and night routines, like taking hot showers, hydrating my skin with soothing products, and stretching before getting in bed and right after waking up.
  • When I’m around a lot of people (whether in public or at family events), I like to bring earplugs and other sensory tools, like things to fidget with. As someone on the spectrum, I do a lot better when I feel more in control of my senses.
  • Plan ahead! I love having things to look forward to during the fall and winter to make it less dreary—whether that’s a trip to the coast to look for sea glass or spending time with friends.
  • Using my ‘Happy Light’ to manage seasonal depression. I like using this once a day for 30 minutes to an hour while I’m doing crafts or some other form of self-care.”
  • Prioritize self-care and soothing activities, such as going for walks, listening to music, drinking tea, and spending quality time with pets. 
  • Minimize or eliminate time with stress to be around family or friends.
  • Make an agreement with others you plan to exchange gifts with around spending limits.
  • Or better yet, share a meal together, take a walk and look at holiday lights, or see a performance you would all enjoy.
  • Start your own new traditions that have meaning to your life based on your values.
  • I’ll submit my trusty yearly recommendation of this book!

Birdwatching has been my go-to stress reliever. I have multiple bird feeders during the winter, even a heated one for the hummingbirds. I’ve asked for a “bird buddy” feeder for Christmas. It sends a picture to your phone every time a bird lands at the feeders. I’m also seriously into Epsom salt baths in the winter. They’re great for relaxing after a stressful day. 

  • It’s also important to set realistic expectations for myself during the holidays. If I only focus on making sure everyone else is happy but sacrifice my own happiness and energy, then that’s a lose-lose situation.
  • I love things that keep my spirit warm and cozy, like blankets, books, candles etc. I also love the traditions that remind me of home, like cooking my favorite recipes, spending an evening searching out the best holiday lights with my friends, and spending a day baking and making gift boxes with my sister. 
  •  Sharing a moment of silence, a poem or a prayer can improve how you digest your meals, emotions, and tensions.

This poem is from the book Fragrance after the Rain by Jayai John:

“GRATITUDE IS A RIVER.  If you live in it, your heart and soul grow supple.  You flow with life.  If you leave gratitude’s river behind, everything you are grows hard, rigid, suffering.  Your body, your spirit, your relations, your life.

Stay in the river, Revolutionary.  Especially as you work to heal and unpeel the countless layers of oppression that shape your life and the world.  Identify your blessings.  Name them, so they know when you are calling for them. Feed them.  They like organic nourishment.  Praise them.  They will swell.  Mantra your names.  They will multiply.  Rest with them.  They will be your fire and dance.  Stay in the river of Gratitude.  It will carry you to your dream home.  Which is Peace.'”

  • One for me is self compassion and humor. This quote comes to mind if I am being hard on myself about “regressing” or becoming activated:”

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