By Joanna Brook
If someone were to ask me what my favorite office supply was, I’d have to say index cards. I love that they are blank on one side and lined on the other. They are the perfect size to hold in the hand or magnet to the refrigerator. I like to use index cards for study flashcards, to-do lists, notes in care packages, and affirmations.
I am an affirmative person, it’s true. I have been known to flip through a short stack of index card affirmations first thing in the morning. These are reminders of my personal values, intentions I’ve set, and ways I hope to show up in the world. Sometimes I review them all and sometimes I pick one at random to focus on for the day. I have experienced surprising changes in life with seemingly little effort except for writing and repeatedly reading a specific statement related to the change.
But affirmations are tricky things. When affirmations are too far from one’s current reality, they won’t work. And sometimes, when things are really tough, a purely positive affirmation can feel toxic. This is where Radical Acceptance can make all the difference.
A common philosophical thread runs through ancient culture and into current psychological research, from my favorite Persian fable, through the American Civil War, to dialectical behavioral therapy. We might label this as the Stoic tenet: “The Dichotomy of Control” or with the more friendly and energizing DBT nomenclature: “Radical Acceptance.” This common thread stitches together acknowledgement of difficult situations, the feelings that result, and our ability to choose our response.
Clinical research shows that with practice (and perhaps some index cards) Radical Acceptance results in significant decrease of challenging emotional states such as shame, guilt, disgust, distress, and fear. In general, clinical research shows that acceptance-based therapies generate greater psychological flexibility, feelings of well being, and even improvements in physical health markers such as blood pressure and heart rate.
Here are some of the Radical Acceptance statements in my index card collection:
- I can’t control this situation, but I can choose how I respond right now.
- Although my emotions are uncomfortable, they are temporary.
- I don’t have to have all the answers right now.
- My life isn’t perfect, but I can take a moment to notice what is going well.
- I don’t have to agree with everyone; I can accept differences without adding to conflict.
- I cannot change the past, but I can decide what to do today.
- This happened, and I cannot change that it happened. Fighting cannot undo it. I can choose how I respond now.
- I can learn from this experience.
- I did my best.
- This too shall pass.
These statements give me a sense of measured pragmatism. There’s no denial of reality, but an acknowledgment of its complexity and an opportunity to refocus on what is within one’s own control. While simply reviewing Radical Acceptance statements may be helpful (especially if you write them on index cards), the technique has many layers as a therapeutic practice.
Please visit some of these resources for a more in-depth look at Radical Acceptance and how it could elevate your mental health journey.
Resources
Finding Peace with Radical Acceptance
The Benefits of Radical Acceptance of Reality as A Standalone Strategy for Emotion Regulation
Radical Acceptance and Turning the Mind
Radical Acceptance: Definition, Steps, and Examples
