Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining respect and connection in relationships. However, many people confuse setting boundaries with making requests, demands, or complaints. So, how can you set boundaries that actually stick? Here’s a quick guide to help you navigate this important skill.
What’s the Difference Between Boundaries and Other Communication Tactics?
- Complaints express dissatisfaction but don’t suggest a solution.
- Demands try to control others and expect compliance.
- Requests ask for something respectfully but leave room for the other person’s choice.
- Boundaries focus on your actions—what you will or won’t tolerate.
A healthy boundary makes it clear what you will do to protect yourself without relying on others to change.
6 Steps to Set Boundaries That Stick
Find Your Big Why: Identify why the boundary is important. What will change for the better once it’s in place?
Define Your Boundary: Clearly state what is OKAY and what isn’t. Example: “If you yell at me, I will take a 15-minute break.”
Anticipate Others’ Reactions: Understand that others may have strong feelings about your boundary. It’s not your job to manage their emotions.
Anticipate Your Own Reactions: Prepare for how you’ll respond if someone challenges your boundary. Stay calm and aligned with your values.
Create a Self-Soothing Plan: Have a strategy to calm yourself if boundary-setting feels overwhelming. Deep breaths or a mantra can help.
Say It and Follow Through: Once you’ve set the boundary, don’t apologize or over-explain. Just state it kindly and stick to it.
Why Boundaries Matter
Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and self-care. It helps you feel safe, connected, and empowered in your relationships. By following these 6 steps, you’ll ensure that your boundaries are clear, actionable, and respected.