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A Guide to Creating Genuine Friendships in a Busy World

Jaclyn Baker
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Have you ever met someone you instantly clicked with? This spark of friendship usually comes from a reflection of mutual openness and presence. The right energy, intention, and intimacy can form faster than you think when talking to new people with intention. 

Fast connections don’t have to mean shallow. Whether you’re meeting someone new, deepening a friendship, or strengthening your romantic bond – you can discover how to create closeness and relate to others quickly:

Start With Emotional Honesty

Vulnerability can be a great way to open up to others, allowing them to feel comfortable doing the same. It’s not about oversharing, but showing up and being authentically you. Try replacing small talk questions with more vulnerable ones like, “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “What was a highlight of your week?” It encourages both of you to share your unfiltered selves and speak on a deeper level. 

Mirror, Listen, and Validate

When people feel seen, they feel a sense of closeness. That’s why practicing active listening allows you to truly hear someone. For example, if someone you meet tells you about a recent accomplishment, you can mirror their sentiment by saying, “It sounds like you felt really proud of that moment,” and validate their emotions by saying, “That must have taken a lot of courage.” It tells the other person that you understand where they’re coming from. 

Slow Down and Be Present

Genuine curiosity and unhurriedness to get to know someone better make a difference. People can tell when you care about what they’re saying, are giving your full attention, and encouraging them to share more because you actually want to know more. Communicating the message that you’re here with them and intrigued can grow your connection. 

Final Thoughts

Emotional intimacy isn’t about the speed of an interaction, but about the depth of attention you give within it. When you lead with empathy, kindness, and curiosity, you can create friendships that feel like they’ve existed for years.

After all, true connection is not about how much time you know the other person, but about how willing you are to see and be seen.

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Talking About Relationship Safety

Jaclyn Baker

By Rita Melnikova, M.A. and Collin King, LPC

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) — sometimes called domestic violence — can happen to anyone. It’s more common than many people realize: about 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the U.S. have experienced physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by a partner at some point in their lives. The effects of IPV can last long after the relationship ends.

IPV isn’t just physical harm. It can include:

  • Emotional or verbal abuse – being insulted, controlled, or made to feel worthless
  • Sexual abuse – being pressured or forced into sex or sexual acts
  • Financial control – being denied access to money or basic resources
  • Threats, intimidation, or isolation – feeling afraid, trapped, or cut off from friends and family

All of these forms of abuse can deeply affect physical and emotional health. People who have experienced IPV may struggle with anxiety, depression, sleep problems, chronic pain, or thoughts of self-harm — sometimes years later.

Why Talking Matters

You don’t have to have everything figured out before bringing it up. A safe, caring conversation with your therapist can be the first step toward understanding what’s happening and exploring your options.

Fear Is a Red Flag

Abuse is about power and control. If you feel fear in your relationship — fear of your partner’s anger, reactions, or what might happen if you say no — that’s a sign something isn’t right.

Common control tactics include:

  • Threats or intimidation
  • Blaming you or minimizing what happened
  • Controlling money, transportation, or access to help
  • Isolating you from friends or family
  • Using children to guilt or manipulate

Seeking Safety and Support

If you’re worried about your safety or someone else’s, help is available. You don’t have to face it alone.

  • If you ever feel in physical danger, call 911; for mental health crises, call 988.
  • You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org.
  • If you’re a client at Vista Counseling, you can also talk with your therapist. We can help connect you to resources and ongoing support.

Remember:

  • Abuse is not your fault.
  • Chronic fear is NOT part of a healthy relationship.
  • Healing is possible — and you don’t have to do it alone.

Resources

Hope and Safety Alliance – provides trauma informed and survivor-centered services for all survivors of domestic and sexual violence.

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Becoming the Author of Your Future Self

Jaclyn Baker

You can think of your life as a book in progress – with so many chapters left to be written. While you’re already filled with plenty of experiences, life lessons, and plot twists, there’s even more to come. 

As the author of your own story, you have the power to decide where you can go and how it unfolds from here. Every word you speak and decision you make adds a line to the story of the person you’re becoming. The story of your future self is already forming and waiting for you to bring it to life. 

It’s when you begin to move with purpose, align with possibility, and see yourself as the writer that you’ll be able to create something extraordinary. Follow these tips for more:

Begin With the Vision

With every great story comes a spark of imagination. You can ask yourself: “Who do I want to be a year from now? Or even five years from now?” Picture this version of you vividly – surrounded by the types of relationships, environments, and goals you want to pursue. The clearer this vision is, the more you can take steps to align with it. This simple visualization can turn your dreams into something tangible. 

Connect the Present to the Future

Once your vision feels real, you can start linking it to where you are now and thinking about what small actions can be taken to bridge the gap between today’s “you” and your goals for the future. Write growth and habits into your daily life to start working on this version of your future self slowly over time –  like waking up a little earlier, researching a career that interests you, or setting boundaries.

Rewrite Limiting Narratives 

While you write the next chapters of your life, take note of the challenges that are holding you back. Phrases like “It’s too late to change” or “I’m not confident enough” are internal scripts that can limit you. But there’s still time to edit this inner dialogue and replace it with new sentences that reaffirm just how confident and capable you really are. 

Act as if the Future is Now

Match the energy you envision for your future self by thinking of yourself as that person now. For example, if your future self is calmer under pressure, practices mindfulness often, or is self-assured, you can begin taking these steps now. There’s no better time than the present to start thinking of yourself as the person you want to be. 

Final Thoughts

What you pour into your thoughts, choices, and self-belief shapes who you become in the future. So create the next chapters of your story by moving with purpose and intention. You are both the storyteller and the story – and that’s what makes your journey so impactful.

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Why Self-Accountability Matters and How to Cultivate It

Jaclyn Baker

The promises we make to ourselves to wake up earlier, set a boundary, or pursue a certain goal shouldn’t be pushed aside. Instead, we can start holding ourselves accountable to follow through. When we prioritize self-accountability, we begin to see progress not as something that “just happens” but as something we actively create.

Here’s how to practice self-accountability and why it can be the most powerful form of personal growth: 

Create Routines That Support Commitments

Consistency can thrive on routine, so incorporating small and impactful habits into our daily routine can help us stay accountable in the long run. Every time we create a promise for ourselves, such as wanting to cook more, we can accommodate it by adjusting our routine and carving out an hour to prepare a home-cooked meal. We can begin to see ourselves as people who follow through – not just occasionally, but habitually. 

Set Meaningful Goals

Accountability starts with clarity. We can’t hold ourselves with vague promises, but getting clear about where we stand, what’s non-negotiable, and what our values are can help. We can expand on our goals, for example, if we wanted to exercise more, we could say, “I will walk for 30 minutes each day.” This makes goals seem more measurable and specific, which can help us stay aligned with our intentions rather than drifting off course.

Hold Honest Conversations

True self-accountability requires honesty. When we feel our go-to excuses of “Is there really time for this?” or “I can do it tomorrow” bubbling to the surface, it’s important to set the record straight. Resisting the urge to give in and push it aside, instead, we can get curious about the “why.” What’s holding us back, and what can we do differently next time? This honest dialogue can prompt us to listen, recommit, and strive to keep our promises. 

Final Thoughts

When we keep our word to ourselves, it strengthens our sense of identity. We can feel good knowing that when we say we’re going to do something, it will happen. This isn’t just about discipline, but also about self-respect. It’s honouring our wishes and putting our needs at the forefront. 

Self-accountability is one of the highest forms of self-love.

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How Alone Time Can Help You Find Your Creative Spark

Jaclyn Baker

While collaborating with others can be a great way to bounce ideas and brainstorm, some of the most powerful ideas can happen solo. 

The next time you want to tap into your creativity and imagination, don’t look to others for their input. But instead, find a quiet place to focus and look inward for that creative spark. 

Here are 4 ways having alone time can fuel your creative flow:

Space For Original Thought

Life can be filled with constant voices from surrounding family, friends, and colleagues, but when was the last time you were truly alone with your thoughts? Having a space that’s all your own and free from external pressure can allow original thoughts to thrive. It can be a quiet spot in a cafe, your home office, or a bench at the park. But this is a space where you can really think and not edit yourself based on what others might say.

Let Daydreaming In

Letting your mind wander can be a wonderful thing. For creativity, daydreaming can be the perfect way to think about your wildest and most exciting thoughts. Don’t stifle your thinking by immediately snapping out of it or grabbing your phone. Instead, pull from the fresh perspectives and imaginative ideas that daydreaming brings. 

Build Confidence Through Independence

Relying on your own instincts and abilities can build your self-confidence. You’re not second-guessing or doubting your strengths – you’re fully embracing whatever comes to mind. This uninterrupted and independent time can allow you to trust your voice more often. Over time, you can carry the clarity and uniqueness of your voice into everything that you do.

Deep Work Without Distractions

Have you ever become so absorbed in a project that you lose track of time? That’s what happens when you’re in the state of flow, and alone time can be the perfect setting for this. Being in solitude allows you to dive into a creative project without getting distracted, whether you’re painting, writing, or problem-solving. Sometimes, creativity doesn’t need inspiration – it just needs focus. 

Final Thoughts

Alone time doesn’t mean withdrawing from the world, but finding balance. Giving yourself alone time can create a safe space for your creativity and imagination to expand. So, the next time you feel stuck or uninspired, try stepping back and having a quiet time in solitude. You may discover that your best ideas have been waiting for you to unlock them all along.



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What To Do if a Loved One Shares They’re Suicidal

Jaclyn Baker

By : Claire Butcher

This article discusses self-harm and suicide. Please see a list of hotlines and resources below if you need to speak to someone. 

Talking about suicide can be scary. It is taught to us as a taboo topic that should be avoided, driven by myths that people may act on their suicidal thoughts if we start the conversation. But the facts remain – over 720,000 people die by suicide per year, reminding us that it’s a vital discussion to have with our loved ones and communities. Today, we’ll review the common warning signs of suicidality, the ‘dos and don’ts’ if a loved one expresses suicidality to you, and some common myths. 

Warning Signs

Before talking about what to do if a loved one shares with you that they’re suicidal, it’s important to learn the different forms of suicidality and what constitutes a mental health emergency. 

Non-Suicidal Self-Injury, or NSSI refers to self-harm (this can take the form of cutting/hitting/burning oneself). Self-harm can happen with or without the intent to end one’s life. People can engage in self-harm to help ground themselves to manage feelings of overwhelm or dissociation, as an outlet to process emotional pain, as a way to ‘feel’ something instead of emotional numbness, or as a way to ‘punish’ themselves when managing severe mental health symptoms. It is important to recognize self-harm as a coping skill, and learn harm-reductive outlets to build longer-lasting and more helpful tools, while fostering healthier relationships with our bodies and emotions. 

Passive Suicidal Ideation refers to any desire to end one’s life, “sleep forever”, or other forms of suicidal thinking that don’t involve a plan or intent to attempt suicide. These thoughts can look like: “I just wish I could disappear”, “I want to go away for a long time” or for “the world to end”. 

Active Suicidal Ideation is when someone wants to end their life and is actively thinking about a plan, taking steps to prepare to end their life (for example, researching methods of how they can attempt suicide, writing letters to loved ones, giving things away), or feeling an urge to act on their suicidal thoughts. 

This article provides more details of what suicidal ideation can look like. In general, here are some common warning signs that someone may be thinking about attempting suicide: 

  • Expressing hopelessness or feeling like a burden to others
  • Talking about wanting to “disappear” or die
  • Withdrawing from social events and regular activities
  • Drastic changes in mood or behaviors – people can have a drastic positive shift in their mood when they’re seriously contemplating suicide, as thinking about ending their pain can bring on a “wave of relief”
  • Giving away possessions or saying goodbye to others

Debunking Common Myths Surrounding Suicide

  • “Don’t talk about suicide, it will make the person act on their thoughts.” → There is no evidence for this. Talking about suicide reduces stigma and can help individuals seek support.
  • “Suicide only affects people with mental health conditions.” → Many people with mental illness are not affected by suicidal thoughts, and not all people who die by suicide have mental illness. Life stressors, legal matters, trauma, death, and many other life circumstances are associated with suicidal thoughts and behavior. 
  • “People who talk about their suicidality are just seeking attention.” → People who die by suicide often tell others about not wanting to live, making it vital for us to take these signs seriously.
  • “Only teenagers are affected by suicidal thoughts.” → The highest risk age groups are women between the ages of 45-64, and men 75 and older. This also does not include the elevated risk for the BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities.
  • “Suicide is not preventable.” → Therapeutic and medication interventions do work. One of the best ways to prevent suicide is to seek help and treatment. 

The Dos & Don’ts for Talking About Suicide

  • Don’t react with shock or fear. This can make the individual feel like it’s unsafe to talk about suicide and only adds to the stigma. 
  • Don’t judge, do not debate if suicide is right or wrong, or if these feelings are “good or bad”. 
  • Don’t sugarcoat. Do not compare their situation to others or minimize their struggle.
  • Do meet them where they are – validate their feelings, ask more questions about what’s causing them to think about harming themselves.
  • Do be direct. Ask clear questions like “Are you thinking about suicide?” and “ Do you have a plan?”.
  • Do connect them with resources and encourage them to seek professional care. This can also take the form of creating a Safety Plan. 
  • Do follow up. Keeping in touch with loved ones who are suicidal is vital. 

It is life-saving to keep the conversation around suicide going. Having routine check-ins with loved ones surrounding mental health is one way we can prevent suicide and foster an environment of care and compassion. If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please see the resources below. 

Hotlines and Resources

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NAMI: Building Community and Support in Oregon

Jaclyn Baker

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization, founded in 1979 by families who recognized the urgent need for better understanding and support around mental illness. Today, NAMI operates through a network of state and local affiliates across the country, offering education, advocacy, and direct support to individuals and families.

NAMI’s Purpose and Work

NAMI’s mission is to improve the lives of those affected by mental illness through:

  • Education – programs like Family-to-Family and Peer-to-Peer that provide tools and knowledge to manage mental health challenges. 
  • Support – free, peer-led groups where people living with mental health conditions and their loved ones can share experiences. 
  • Advocacy – engaging with policymakers to expand access to mental health services and reduce stigma. 
  • Awareness – community events, campaigns, and outreach efforts that promote understanding and compassion. 

NAMI in Oregon

In Oregon, NAMI has a strong presence through local affiliates such as NAMI Oregon, NAMI Lane County, NAMI Multnomah, NAMI Washington County, and NAMI Clackamas. These chapters serve as community hubs, offering support and connection for people living with mental health conditions and for their families.

By joining or attending a local NAMI group in Oregon, you can expect:

  • Peer Connection – a safe, supportive space to talk openly with others who understand your experiences. 
  • Practical Skills – strategies for coping with stress, navigating the mental health system, and supporting recovery. 
  • Reliable Resources – guidance toward local services, treatment options, and crisis supports. 
  • A Sense of Belonging – opportunities to reduce isolation and feel part of a larger community working toward wellness. 

Getting Involved

Participation in NAMI programs is always free of charge and open to anyone interested. Oregon chapters also host NAMIWalks Oregon, an annual event that raises awareness and funds to sustain these local efforts.

For more information and to find your local chapter

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Helping at Home: Tips for Parents

Jaclyn Baker

Back-to-School Stress Is Real

As the school year begins, many children and teens experience added stress—new teachers, changing routines, social pressures, and heavier workloads can all take a toll. For families already managing emotional or behavioral challenges, the back-to-school transition can feel especially overwhelming. Parents may notice more mood swings, resistance, or anxiety during this time. While there’s no perfect formula, there are practical steps you can take to ease stress and support your child at home.

Start with the Basics

Before assuming your child is being “difficult,” check whether something simple might be causing distress—hunger, thirst, fatigue, overstimulation, or feeling unwell.

Pick Your Battles

Not every behavior needs correction. If it’s simply annoying but not harmful, it may not be worth an argument. Save your energy for the issues that truly matter—like safety, respect, and responsibility.

When you do need to step in, stay calm and be matter-of-fact. Children often mirror the emotional tone of their parents; if you can keep your voice steady and neutral, they are more likely to de-escalate.

It can also help to set clear expectations ahead of time. For example: “We’ll leave the park in ten minutes” gives your child time to adjust, rather than facing a sudden transition. And when possible, offer simple choices: “Would you like to start your homework before or after dinner?” This builds a sense of control and cooperation instead of conflict.

Create a Supportive Environment

Home should feel safe, structured, and encouraging. Praise what your child does well, show affection, and model healthy ways of handling conflict.

Encourage Open Communication

Let your child know they can come to you with worries or problems, and listen without judgment. Their concerns may feel small to you but can feel very real to them.

Respond Calmly in Crises

A child who is overwhelmed cannot rely on reason. Use a soft voice and simple directions like:

– “Take a deep breath.”
– “Come with me.”
– “Tell me what’s going on.”

Your calm presence helps them regulate.

Teach Coping Skills

Encourage your child to practice healthy strategies for managing stress—like deep breathing, journaling, or taking a walk. Use mistakes as learning opportunities by asking, “What could you try next time?”

Address Troubling Thoughts

Kids sometimes misinterpret situations or worry excessively. Help them reality-check their fears, and if anxiety or depression seems persistent, consider professional support.

Keep Routines Steady

Consistent sleep, morning, and bedtime routines reduce stress.
– Children ages 6–13 need 9–11 hours of sleep each night.
– Teens ages 14–17 need 8–10 hours each night.
Add a healthy, low-sugar breakfast to help improve focus and energy at school.

Stay Mindful of Tone

Conversations go further when you approach them with care rather than blame. Avoid accusatory language and show concern instead.

Seek Support

You don’t have to do this alone. Each state has Family Run Organizations that provide advocacy, resources, and training for parents.

Find your state organization
 Local Mental Health America (MHA) affiliates also offer education and support: 

Building Resilience at Home

These tips can’t eliminate all challenges, but they can make home life calmer and more connected—helping both you and your child build resilience. Adapted from Mental Health America.

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​​Different Cultures, Shared Humanity: How We View Suicide

Jaclyn Baker

By: Nooshi Ghasedi

Suicide is one of the most difficult topics to talk about. It touches every culture, yet depending on their cultural lens, the way people understand and respond to suicide can vary. At the same time, there are also some powerful similarities that connect us all.

How Views Differ

Religion and morality: In many Western faith traditions, suicide has long been seen as morally wrong or sinful. Meanwhile, in some Eastern traditions, there have been moments in history where suicide was framed differently—for example, as an act of honor or duty in very specific situations.

Individual vs. community focus: In cultures that prize individual choice, suicide is sometimes understood as a deeply personal decision. In collectivist cultures that emphasize family or community, suicide may be seen through its impact on others—sometimes carrying stigma, other times tied to ideas of responsibility or sacrifice.

Openness vs. silence: Some cultures encourage talking openly about suicide and mental health, while others avoid the topic out of fear, shame, or concern about how it reflects on the family.

What We Share

Suffering at the root: Regardless of culture, suicide is often linked to intense emotional pain, feeling disconnected, or believing they are a burden.

Ripple effects: Across the world, families, friends, and communities feel the heartbreak of suicide in similar ways—grief, confusion, guilt, and longing for answers.

Protective supports: Hope, connection, and belonging show up everywhere as protective forces. Whether it’s through faith communities, family bonds, or close friendships, people in all cultures find strength in relationships.

Why It Matters

Understanding cultural perspectives on suicide helps us be more compassionate. What feels supportive in one culture may feel harmful in another, so sensitivity matters. But beyond the differences, we are reminded that suffering is a human experience—and so is the need for kindness, connection, and hope. 

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Ways to Strengthen Positive Thinking

Jaclyn Baker

Positive thinking isn’t about ignoring life’s difficulties or pretending everything is perfect, it’s about developing a mindset that helps you navigate challenges with resilience and hope. By intentionally shaping the way you think, you can create more space for joy, confidence, and growth in your everyday life. Here are four powerful ways to strengthen your positive thinking.

Have Hope That Things Will Work Out

Hope is the foundation of positive thinking. When you believe that better days are ahead, it helps you keep moving forward even when the present feels heavy. Hope fuels perseverance and gives you the energy to keep working toward your goals. Try reminding yourself that setbacks are temporary and that solutions often come when you least expect them.

Look at the Bright Side Every Day

Life is a mix of good and bad, but focusing on what’s good even in small doses can shift your entire outlook. Whether it’s a compliment you received, a small achievement, or a beautiful moment in nature, acknowledging the bright side daily helps train your brain to notice positivity more naturally. Keeping a gratitude journal can make this practice easier and more consistent.

Believe in Yourself to Overcome Challenges

Self-belief is a powerful tool. When you trust your own abilities, you’re more likely to step into challenges instead of avoiding them. This doesn’t mean you’ll always succeed right away, but it does mean you’ll approach obstacles with determination and courage. Start by recognizing your past wins  big or small as proof that you are capable of moving through difficulties.

Accept Negative Emotions and Express Your Feelings

Positive thinking doesn’t mean you have to be cheerful all the time. Suppressing sadness, anger, or fear only makes them grow stronger. Instead, allow yourself to feel these emotions, express them in healthy ways, and then let them go. By accepting your feelings, you make room for healing and create balance an essential part of staying positive in the long run.

Strengthening positive thinking is a practice, not a one-time shift. The more you nurture hope, gratitude, self-belief, and emotional acceptance, the more resilient and optimistic your mindset becomes. Over time, you’ll find it easier to see opportunities instead of obstacles and that’s where real growth begins.



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