By : Claire Butcher
This article discusses self-harm and suicide. Please see a list of hotlines and resources below if you need to speak to someone.
Talking about suicide can be scary. It is taught to us as a taboo topic that should be avoided, driven by myths that people may act on their suicidal thoughts if we start the conversation. But the facts remain – over 720,000 people die by suicide per year, reminding us that it’s a vital discussion to have with our loved ones and communities. Today, we’ll review the common warning signs of suicidality, the ‘dos and don’ts’ if a loved one expresses suicidality to you, and some common myths.
Warning Signs
Before talking about what to do if a loved one shares with you that they’re suicidal, it’s important to learn the different forms of suicidality and what constitutes a mental health emergency.
Non-Suicidal Self-Injury, or NSSI refers to self-harm (this can take the form of cutting/hitting/burning oneself). Self-harm can happen with or without the intent to end one’s life. People can engage in self-harm to help ground themselves to manage feelings of overwhelm or dissociation, as an outlet to process emotional pain, as a way to ‘feel’ something instead of emotional numbness, or as a way to ‘punish’ themselves when managing severe mental health symptoms. It is important to recognize self-harm as a coping skill, and learn harm-reductive outlets to build longer-lasting and more helpful tools, while fostering healthier relationships with our bodies and emotions.
Passive Suicidal Ideation refers to any desire to end one’s life, “sleep forever”, or other forms of suicidal thinking that don’t involve a plan or intent to attempt suicide. These thoughts can look like: “I just wish I could disappear”, “I want to go away for a long time” or for “the world to end”.
Active Suicidal Ideation is when someone wants to end their life and is actively thinking about a plan, taking steps to prepare to end their life (for example, researching methods of how they can attempt suicide, writing letters to loved ones, giving things away), or feeling an urge to act on their suicidal thoughts.
This article provides more details of what suicidal ideation can look like. In general, here are some common warning signs that someone may be thinking about attempting suicide:
- Expressing hopelessness or feeling like a burden to others
- Talking about wanting to “disappear” or die
- Withdrawing from social events and regular activities
- Drastic changes in mood or behaviors – people can have a drastic positive shift in their mood when they’re seriously contemplating suicide, as thinking about ending their pain can bring on a “wave of relief”
- Giving away possessions or saying goodbye to others
Debunking Common Myths Surrounding Suicide
- “Don’t talk about suicide, it will make the person act on their thoughts.” → There is no evidence for this. Talking about suicide reduces stigma and can help individuals seek support.
- “Suicide only affects people with mental health conditions.” → Many people with mental illness are not affected by suicidal thoughts, and not all people who die by suicide have mental illness. Life stressors, legal matters, trauma, death, and many other life circumstances are associated with suicidal thoughts and behavior.
- “People who talk about their suicidality are just seeking attention.” → People who die by suicide often tell others about not wanting to live, making it vital for us to take these signs seriously.
- “Only teenagers are affected by suicidal thoughts.” → The highest risk age groups are women between the ages of 45-64, and men 75 and older. This also does not include the elevated risk for the BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities.
- “Suicide is not preventable.” → Therapeutic and medication interventions do work. One of the best ways to prevent suicide is to seek help and treatment.
The Dos & Don’ts for Talking About Suicide
- Don’t react with shock or fear. This can make the individual feel like it’s unsafe to talk about suicide and only adds to the stigma.
- Don’t judge, do not debate if suicide is right or wrong, or if these feelings are “good or bad”.
- Don’t sugarcoat. Do not compare their situation to others or minimize their struggle.
- Do meet them where they are – validate their feelings, ask more questions about what’s causing them to think about harming themselves.
- Do be direct. Ask clear questions like “Are you thinking about suicide?” and “ Do you have a plan?”.
- Do connect them with resources and encourage them to seek professional care. This can also take the form of creating a Safety Plan.
- Do follow up. Keeping in touch with loved ones who are suicidal is vital.
It is life-saving to keep the conversation around suicide going. Having routine check-ins with loved ones surrounding mental health is one way we can prevent suicide and foster an environment of care and compassion. If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please see the resources below.
Hotlines and Resources
