By Rita Melnikova, M.A. and Collin King, LPC
Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) — sometimes called domestic violence — can happen to anyone. It’s more common than many people realize: about 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the U.S. have experienced physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by a partner at some point in their lives. The effects of IPV can last long after the relationship ends.
IPV isn’t just physical harm. It can include:
- Emotional or verbal abuse – being insulted, controlled, or made to feel worthless
- Sexual abuse – being pressured or forced into sex or sexual acts
- Financial control – being denied access to money or basic resources
- Threats, intimidation, or isolation – feeling afraid, trapped, or cut off from friends and family
All of these forms of abuse can deeply affect physical and emotional health. People who have experienced IPV may struggle with anxiety, depression, sleep problems, chronic pain, or thoughts of self-harm — sometimes years later.
Why Talking Matters
You don’t have to have everything figured out before bringing it up. A safe, caring conversation with your therapist can be the first step toward understanding what’s happening and exploring your options.
Fear Is a Red Flag
Abuse is about power and control. If you feel fear in your relationship — fear of your partner’s anger, reactions, or what might happen if you say no — that’s a sign something isn’t right.
Common control tactics include:
- Threats or intimidation
- Blaming you or minimizing what happened
- Controlling money, transportation, or access to help
- Isolating you from friends or family
- Using children to guilt or manipulate
Seeking Safety and Support
If you’re worried about your safety or someone else’s, help is available. You don’t have to face it alone.
- If you ever feel in physical danger, call 911; for mental health crises, call 988.
- You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org.
- If you’re a client at Vista Counseling, you can also talk with your therapist. We can help connect you to resources and ongoing support.
Remember:
- Abuse is not your fault.
- Chronic fear is NOT part of a healthy relationship.
- Healing is possible — and you don’t have to do it alone.
Resources
- What is the Cycle of Abuse?
- Domestic Violence Month Resources
- Find Help–Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Hope and Safety Alliance – provides trauma informed and survivor-centered services for all survivors of domestic and sexual violence.
