Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) was launched nationwide in October 1987 as a way to connect and unite individuals and organizations working on domestic violence issues while raising awareness for those issues. Over the past 30+ years, much progress has been made in supporting domestic violence victims and survivors, holding abusers accountable and creating and updating legislation to further those goals.
mental health
Tips on Talking to Loved Ones in a DV Relationship
It is difficult to know what to say when someone shares that they are in an abusive relationship.
Whether it be a friend, family member, or client, there is this moment of pause~the thought of, “How I respond right now will really matter.’
Here are some tips on what to and not do to/say when someone discloses this vulnerable fact of their lives.
What to say:
- “I’m sorry this has happened (or is happening) to you.”
Acknowledge you have heard what has been said, that you heard it and are listening. Acknowledge the courage it takes to disclose abuse and the strength it takes to survive. This is your opportunity to empathize.
- “No one deserves to be abused.”
This is a universal statement and an opportunity to connect with the survivor.
- “It’s not your fault.”
Don’t minimize the violence or blame the victim. The batterer is accountable and responsible for his/her choices and behaviors.
- “You are not alone.”
Violence in relationships is a widespread social problem, yet the victim often feels very alone. By generalizing, we can help the survivor understand that the abuse is not about who they are or what they did but about their partner’s attempt to maintain power and control.
- “There is help.”
Empower the survivor by offering information choices, safe space and support.
What not to say/do:
- Give advice.
- Change the subject.
- Ask trivial questions.
- Intellectualize the problem.
- Become emotional.
- Make decisions for them.
- Be evasive or elusive.
- Handle everything yourself.
- Ask ‘why’ questions.
- Pity them.
- Indulge in silly witticisms.
- Become insensitive or cold.
- Cut communication.
- Be judgmental or rejecting.
- Don’t blame. The survivor is not at fault for the violence. It is never okay for one person to use force against another. Avoid questions that may sound blaming, such as “why don’t you just leave?”
- Don’t participate in the denial. Violence does not change on its own; it often escalates. It will not simply ‘get better’.
- Keep in mind: Battering is against the law.
- Don’t ignore the danger. Is there a gun in the house? Are there children in the home?
- Don’t focus on leaving if this does not seem to be a safe option. Help the survivor find ways to be safe.
- Encourage developing a safety plan.
When Life Just Feels Too Busy
Do you ever find yourself running on autopilot?
Do you ever get stuck in the same patterns just because it’s easy or convenient
If so, you are not alone.
Comfort zones may be comfortable. But some of the best opportunities may be hiding behind comfort.
You have what it takes to break the pattern and take control of your success.
It’s never too late to go after what you want in life.
Think About What Comes Next
Have you ever put a goal on the back burner due to lack of time or fear?
More often than not, the longer we put something off, the scarier it can become.
Procrastinating on certain tasks can also become a habit if we don’t do something about it.
No matter what we say or do, time is going to pass. We might as well spend it working towards things that make us happy!
It may take some time to get results. But you will get there.
Your future is in your hands.
Recognize Your Obstacles
Your journey may not always be smooth sailing. You may face an obstacle or two along the way.
In order to move past your obstacles, you will have to recognize what yours are.
What makes you feel like you can’t do something? What are your limiting beliefs? Are your thoughts hurting or helping you?
Once you’re able to openly and honestly answer those questions, you will be one step closer to success.
Kids Yoga With Friends: Jen Champion
Join in with Jen and friends, Ellana and Kaia for kids yoga.
Practice calming down, warming up, balancing in tree pose and sliding into splits.
Getting Through Any Obstacle in Life
Life can feel a little uncertain at times. None of us can see the future, which can be scary or overwhelming.
We may not be able to completely get over the fear of uncertainty.
But we can do what we can to accept and embrace how we feel.
Accepting and embracing our feelings can help them feel less scary.
If you don’t know where to begin, there is no need to worry. You can teach yourself to adapt to situations and step outside your comfort zone.
The very first step is to understand and accept that change and fear are part of life.
No matter what we say or do, our daily routine, job, home, friendships, and hobbies will change eventually.
Some of these changes may be for the better, and some may be for the worse.
At the end of the day, all you can do is adjust your mindset accordingly and maintain an open mind,
You can either look at scary lifestyle changes as a setback or an opportunity to grow and thrive as a person.
For example, at some point, your job may require you to travel regularly, even though you’re afraid of travel.
You can either look at the event as something scary.
Or, you can look at the event as an opportunity to face your fear.
You have what it takes to change your mindset. You have what it takes to turn negative emotions into positive ones.
Thoughts are just thoughts and aren’t necessarily true!
Hispanic Heritage Month
From September 15 to October 15, we can celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month! It’s a time to think about the history, culture, contributions and achievements of Hispanic Americans from Spain, Mexico, the Caribbean and Central and South America.
This month was first observed in 1968 as Hispanic Heritage Week first by President Lyndon Johnson and then was enacted into law on August 17, 1988.
September 15th marks a significant time for Latin American countries such as Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua, who declared their independence from Spain in 1821.
This month-long celebration is meant to show appreciation for the culture. We can participate in our communities by surrounding ourselves with art, clothing, music, and food. It’s also a chance to encourage our friends, family and peers to celebrate the diversity and rich background of the Hispanic community.
We can also acknowledge and learn more about Hispanic figures in history that have shaped our world today and inspired many generations to come.
In September, we can seize the opportunity to attend events, pay tribute to iconic Hispanic Americans, and discover more about the history.
For more resources, check out the links below.
Celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month
Hispanic Heritage Month | National Archive News
Hispanic Heritage Month Is Almost Here, and These Activities Are the Perfect Way to Celebrate
Suicide Prevention Month
The month of September is also known as Suicide Prevention Month. During this month, we can spread awareness of the importance of mental health and check in with our peers.
We can also remind others in our community that they don’t have to struggle alone. By having open communication, we can work together to reduce the stigma and let others know they have support if they want to reach out.
The goal of Suicide Prevention Month is to educate others to recognize the warning signs, learn about the facts, and offer the right tool/resources during difficult times. It’s important to let others know that there is help available.
Suicide Prevention Month is also a time to recognize the lives that have been lost to suicide. In 2020, firearms accounted for 53% of suicide deaths, and 90% of suicide attempts involving firearms are fatal. According to statistics, the rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged men, and on average, there are 130 suicides per day. Making suicide the 12th of the leading causes of death in the U.S.
Learning more about suicide prevention can help us all recognize and reach out to those in our lives that may be struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Vista will be spreading awareness for suicide prevention with a sign rally at Milwaukie Bay Park, from 12-1pm on September 24, 2022
Other ways you can participate is to join the “Out of the Darkness” walk in Portland on October 1, 2022 or in Eugene on September 25, 2022.
If you are worried about a loved one or are looking for someone to talk to, check out the resources below.
24/7 Crisis Hotline: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
September is Recovery Month
Recovery Month serves to elevate important topics in recovery, such as promoting/supporting new evidence-based practices, a strong/proud recovery community, and acknowledging both organizations and individuals who create the recovery community.
Observance of Recovery Month was started by the organization called SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) in 1989 to increase public awareness of mental health and addiction recovery. Purple is the established color to represent Recovery Month and Recovery Day which is September 30th this year.
Millions of Americans’ lives have been transformed by the recovery of both substance abuse and mental health. Recovery Month provides a venue for everyone to share their stories, lift each other up, and provide hope for those struggling.
This month also draws attention to new research and interventions that could improve the process for those striving for health and wellness.
The 2022 Recovery Month Theme is: “Recovery is For Everyone: Every Person, Every Family, Every Community.”
Here are some organizations and links to learn more about Recovery Month:
- NAADAC (Association for Addiction Professionals) – https://www.naadac.org/national-recovery-month
- Faces and Voices of Recovery – https://rm.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/
- Recovery Research Institute – https://www.recoveryanswers.org/blog/national-recovery-month/
- Recovery Centers of America – https://recoverycentersofamerica.com/recovery-month/
- National Drug Helpline – https://drughelpline.org/recovery-month/
To-Do Lists For Couples
Creating a to-do list can help keep us accountable and get things done throughout the day.
But with that said, it’s also okay to be flexible with our lists.
Just because a morning starts out smooth sailing doesn’t mean it will stay that way.
Sometimes last, minute tasks can pop up that take priority.
Or a certain task at hand can take far longer than initially anticipated.
No matter how flexible or busy your day might be, writing down tasks can help keep you organized and on the ball.
Joint to-do lists work similarly for couples.
Creating a couple’s to-do list requires the attention and participation of both partners.
Creating a to-do list with your partner can help you both stay on track and accomplish joint goals.
Tackling Large Jobs
If you are your partner live together, it is only a matter of time until a large project around the house needs to be taken care of, such as full-on renovation, painting a room, or paying the bills.
Since those projects impact both of you, they should be tackled together to ensure nothing gets done twice or even forgotten about.
You and your partner can sit down and write out everything that must be done in the near future to make sure the project gets done.
And then, you can split up the tasks in a way that works best for you as a couple.
Prioritization
When a project is so big, successfully completing all the steps can take weeks or even months.
For example, you may not be able to complete task C until task A is 100% done.
Exactly why it is crucial to know how to prioritize more urgent and/or time-sensitive tasks.
Working together and collaborating can help couples grow and thrive.
Avoiding Parent Traps
It’s never too early to teach kids how to problem solve.
As a parent, of course, you want to be there for your child and help them navigate situations.
But the truth is, you may not always be there to intervene when your child is faced with a problem, such as having a disagreement with a friend at school.
The sooner they learn how to figure things out on their own – the more independent they will become.
The Parent Trap
What is a Parent Trap?
It’s a situation in which parents are drawn to solve their kids’ problems.
Even though it’s a natural instinct to assist your kids in every way, there must be some healthy limits in place.
By helping them too much, your child only ends up losing their chance to learn on their own.
The Solution
So, what are you supposed to do?
Instead of rushing to solve their problem, you can give them guidance and confidence-boosting re-reinforcements.
So, the next time something does go wrong, they will already have the skills needed to come up with a solution.
Remember – children and adults sometimes have to fall a few times in order to learn how to get back up.
How to Foster Happy and Healthy Friendships
The friendships we create have the power to impact our mental health and well-being in so many powerful ways.
When we have good friends in our corner, we know that there are people who support and encourage us to be our authentic selves.
That’s why it’s so important to develop healthy and long-lasting friendships. And the key to finding and being a good friend is to look out for the qualities.
Focus On Trust
The best friendships are built on a foundation of trust and confidence. When we open ourselves up to people around us, it can inspire others to do the same.
It feels good to know that we can count on our friends in times of need and vice versa.
Trust can show up in many forms and go a long way. Whether it’s having someone who can offer a listening ear or judgment-free advice.
Seek Authenticity
A friend is someone who you can be comfortable being yourself around. And not just for the best moments.
They are there for you through the ups, the downs, and everything in between.
So seeking people, we can be authentic with is a good sign for a healthy friendship. It means that you are comfortable telling them your boundaries and communicating when things are on your mind.
Authentic friends are there to grow with you!
Find Cheerleaders
In times when we feel low, it’s important to have friends who can give compassion and support.
So it’s good to find friends who can be cheerleaders too. Meaning they can celebrate your wins with you or grieve for your losses.
Good friends will be there to help you no matter what and want to see you succeed.
“Good friends help you find important things when you have lost them…your smile, your hope, and your courage.” – Doe Zantamata
What Does it Look Like to Have Peace? From the Perspective of the “Father of Peace Studies”, Johan Galtung
“Peace is something you make with your adversaries, not with your friends.” This quote is taken from Johan Galtung’s book, “Johan Galtung: Pioneer of Peace Research.” Johan Galtung is a sociologist from Norway who has dedicated his life to peace studies and founded Peace Research Institute Oslo, Journal of Peace Research, TRANSCEND, and the first online peace university. He has put his research and work in sociology into action by helping countries progress into finding agreements and creating peace treaties to end years of war.
I often think about what it would truly look like to have “peace.” What does peace even mean? Especially with the state of the world and the country in the year 2022, is peace even attainable?
Political parties in the U.S. are at even more extreme odds than I have seen in my lifetime. Gun violence continues to permeate the news headlines, one horrific mass shooting after the next. The law appears to be stripping people of basic human rights that blatantly tells its citizens – your life is in the hands of the few in power, and therefore you are expendable.
There’s been a collective feeling of overwhelm. And yet, is this time any different than the country borderline wars, civil wars, religious wars, human rights wars, depressions and recessions that have dotted the timelines in our history books?
Johan Galtung built a wealth of research on peace, but first, he had to define violence. He broke down violence into three categories:
Direct violence, structural violence, and cultural or symbolic violence.
By understanding these terms, it gives examples to understand the importance of the social connections we all have with one another. Galtung describes peace to be “a relation between two or more parties.” Peace becomes the property relation of two or more parties for which they all work to cultivate and care for.
Johan Galtung describes peace in two ways:
- Negative Peace as being an absence of war and violence.
- Positive Peace as “The integration of human society.” He brings these two forms of peace into consideration when applying his approach to creating an agreement for peace.
Identify the conflict: Communicate with curiosity to explore the goals of each party.
Mapping: Design a project that is conflict sensitive, respecting their legitimate goals. The “project” is a form of a creative solution that is presented as a question for the involved parties to consider engaging in or identifying how it can be incorporated in the agreement of respecting all parties’ goals.
Use empathy, nonviolent communication, and creativity.
Allow for legitimizing to bridge goals that help the involved parties to feel comfortable.
Legitimizing focuses on promoting human rights (ethics and basic needs) as the key to successfully building peace.
Be aware and address if other parties are involved and necessitate inclusion towards communication for peace.
While the “Father of Peace of Studies” has been tapped to help with creating peace on a macro and global level, his approach is also familiar in how we can use nonviolent communication and assertive requests to meet needs when directly communicating with another person or in our smaller communities.
His approach to creating communication for peace gives us all a tool in how we can problem solve and foster some form of harmony with those around us. The more we can become familiar with the language of communication towards peace, the more practiced we can be in handling conflicts in a productive manner, wherever we go in our world. Link to the description of violence and the violence triangle: