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mental health

To-Do Lists For Couples

Jaclyn Baker
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Creating a to-do list can help keep us accountable and get things done throughout the day.

But with that said, it’s also okay to be flexible with our lists.

Just because a morning starts out smooth sailing doesn’t mean it will stay that way. 

Sometimes last, minute tasks can pop up that take priority.

Or a certain task at hand can take far longer than initially anticipated. 

No matter how flexible or busy your day might be, writing down tasks can help keep you organized and on the ball.

Joint to-do lists work similarly for couples. 

Creating a couple’s to-do list requires the attention and participation of both partners.

Creating a to-do list with your partner can help you both stay on track and accomplish joint goals. 

Tackling Large Jobs

If you are your partner live together, it is only a matter of time until a large project around the house needs to be taken care of, such as full-on renovation, painting a room, or paying the bills.

Since those projects impact both of you, they should be tackled together to ensure nothing gets done twice or even forgotten about.

You and your partner can sit down and write out everything that must be done in the near future to make sure the project gets done.

And then, you can split up the tasks in a way that works best for you as a couple. 

Prioritization

When a project is so big, successfully completing all the steps can take weeks or even months.

For example, you may not be able to complete task C until task A is 100% done.

Exactly why it is crucial to know how to prioritize more urgent and/or time-sensitive tasks. 

Working together and collaborating can help couples grow and thrive.

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Avoiding Parent Traps

Jaclyn Baker
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It’s never too early to teach kids how to problem solve.

As a parent, of course, you want to be there for your child and help them navigate situations.

But the truth is, you may not always be there to intervene when your child is faced with a problem, such as having a disagreement with a friend at school. 

The sooner they learn how to figure things out on their own – the more independent they will become. 

The Parent Trap

What is a Parent Trap?

 It’s a situation in which parents are drawn to solve their kids’ problems.

Even though it’s a natural instinct to assist your kids in every way, there must be some healthy limits in place.

By helping them too much, your child only ends up losing their chance to learn on their own. 

The Solution 

So, what are you supposed to do?

Instead of rushing to solve their problem, you can give them guidance and confidence-boosting re-reinforcements.

So, the next time something does go wrong, they will already have the skills needed to come up with a solution.

Remember – children and adults sometimes have to fall a few times in order to learn how to get back up. 

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How to Foster Happy and Healthy Friendships

Jaclyn Baker
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The friendships we create have the power to impact our mental health and well-being in so many powerful ways. 

When we have good friends in our corner, we know that there are people who support and encourage us to be our authentic selves. 

That’s why it’s so important to develop healthy and long-lasting friendships. And the key to finding and being a good friend is to look out for the qualities.

Focus On Trust

The best friendships are built on a foundation of trust and confidence. When we open ourselves up to people around us, it can inspire others to do the same. 

It feels good to know that we can count on our friends in times of need and vice versa. 

Trust can show up in many forms and go a long way. Whether it’s having someone who can offer a listening ear or judgment-free advice.

Seek Authenticity

A friend is someone who you can be comfortable being yourself around. And not just for the best moments. 

They are there for you through the ups, the downs, and everything in between. 

So seeking people, we can be authentic with is a good sign for a healthy friendship. It means that you are comfortable telling them your boundaries and communicating when things are on your mind. 

Authentic friends are there to grow with you!

Find Cheerleaders

In times when we feel low, it’s important to have friends who can give compassion and support.

So it’s good to find friends who can be cheerleaders too. Meaning they can celebrate your wins with you or grieve for your losses. 

Good friends will be there to help you no matter what and want to see you succeed. 

“Good friends help you find important things when you have lost them…your smile, your hope, and your courage.” – Doe Zantamata

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What Does it Look Like to Have Peace? From the Perspective of the “Father of Peace Studies”, Johan Galtung

Jaclyn Baker
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By: Christina Bein, MSW, LCSW

“Peace is something you make with your adversaries, not with your friends.” This quote is taken from Johan Galtung’s book, “Johan Galtung: Pioneer of Peace Research.” Johan Galtung is a sociologist from Norway who has dedicated his life to peace studies and founded Peace Research Institute Oslo, Journal of Peace Research, TRANSCEND, and the first online peace university. He has put his research and work in sociology into action by helping countries progress into finding agreements and creating peace treaties to end years of war.

I often think about what it would truly look like to have “peace.” What does peace even mean? Especially with the state of the world and the country in the year 2022, is peace even attainable? 

Political parties in the U.S. are at even more extreme odds than I have seen in my lifetime. Gun violence continues to permeate the news headlines, one horrific mass shooting after the next. The law appears to be stripping people of basic human rights that blatantly tells its citizens – your life is in the hands of the few in power, and therefore you are expendable.

There’s been a collective feeling of overwhelm. And yet, is this time any different than the country borderline wars, civil wars, religious wars, human rights wars, depressions and recessions that have dotted the timelines in our history books? 

Johan Galtung built a wealth of research on peace, but first, he had to define violence. He broke down violence into three categories: 

Direct violence, structural violence, and cultural or symbolic violence. 

By understanding these terms, it gives examples to understand the importance of the social connections we all have with one another. Galtung describes peace to be “a relation between two or more parties.” Peace becomes the property relation of two or more parties for which they all work to cultivate and care for.

Johan Galtung describes peace in two ways: 

  1. Negative Peace as being an absence of war and violence. 
  2. Positive Peace as “The integration of human society.” He brings these two forms of peace into consideration when applying his approach to creating an agreement for peace.

Identify the conflict: Communicate with curiosity to explore the goals of each party.

Mapping: Design a project that is conflict sensitive, respecting their legitimate goals. The “project” is a form of a creative solution that is presented as a question for the involved parties to consider engaging in or identifying how it can be incorporated in the agreement of respecting all parties’ goals.

Use empathy, nonviolent communication, and creativity.

Allow for legitimizing to bridge goals that help the involved parties to feel comfortable.

Legitimizing focuses on promoting human rights (ethics and basic needs) as the key to successfully building peace.

Be aware and address if other parties are involved and necessitate inclusion towards communication for peace.

While the “Father of Peace of Studies” has been tapped to help with creating peace on a macro and global level, his approach is also familiar in how we can use nonviolent communication and assertive requests to meet needs when directly communicating with another person or in our smaller communities. 

His approach to creating communication for peace gives us all a tool in how we can problem solve and foster some form of harmony with those around us. The more we can become familiar with the language of communication towards peace, the more practiced we can be in handling conflicts in a productive manner, wherever we go in our world. Link to the description of violence and the violence triangle:

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Gun Safety as a Public Health Issue

Jaclyn Baker
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By: Elizabeth Pownall, LPC

Gun violence is an epidemic that affects the heart, soul and public safety of all Americans. 

In 2019 alone, 40,000 Americans were killed by gun violence. To put this in perspective: there were 58,220 soldiers killed in action in the Vietnam War. (Vietnam War U.S. Military Fatal Casualty Statistics)

In the year 2019-2020, U.S. gun deaths increased by 35%: (A Year in Review 2020 GUN DEATHS IN THE U.S. 

  • Gun violence was the leading cause of death among children, teens, and young adults under the age of 25. 

Young people under 30 were nearly 10 times more likely to die by firearm than from COVID-19 in 2020. 

  • More than 24,000 people died by gun suicide. 
  • There were 45,222 gun deaths, the highest number of gun deaths ever in the U.S. 
  • Black males ages 15-34 were 20 times more likely to be victims of gun homicide than white males of similar age. 
  • Someone living in Mississippi, which has weak gun laws, was 8.5 times more likely to die by gun violence than someone living in Hawaii, a state that has some of the strongest gun laws in our nation. 

It is easy to jump to a simple answer: just remove the guns. But that response will not work. This is a complex problem interwoven into American culture and history. So what can be done about this? 

Researchers and policy-makers with John’s Hopkins Center for Gun Violence Solutions advocate a public health approach to reducing gun violence and gun death. 

A public health approach looks like this: Stakeholders, experts and institutions come together to define and monitor the problem, identify risk and protective factors, develop and test prevention strategies, and ensure widespread adoption of effective strategies.

What is public health? Public health works to address the underlying causes of a disease or injury before they occur, promote healthy behaviors and control the spread of outbreaks. 

We have a strong track record in the United States, where the public health approach proved effective. It is because of this approach that there is a great reduction in smoking-related deaths, infant mortality, automobile-related death, to name a few. 

Consider this: when I started driving in 1975, there was no seatbelt law, nor was there a big emphasis on drunk driving. We drove with open containers and might or might not wear seatbelts.

By using a comprehensive public health approach to car safety, the United States reduced per-mile driving deaths by nearly 80% from 1967 to 2017. Car safety has been one of the greatest American public health successes in our nation. 

No one thinks twice now about putting on a seatbelt. 

And getting caught drunk driving? One’s social life, professional life and family relationships are threatened when this occurs, such is the humiliation and legal consequences involved, thanks to Mothers Against Drunk Driving and the public health approach. To reduce gun violence, a similar public health approach must be applied. 

To repeat, Gun violence was the leading cause of death among children, teens, and young adults under the age of 25. 

This seems highly preventable, unnecessary, and so very tragic. We are an industrialized nation, and we are losing our own to gun violence because there is so little prevention. 

Politicians are talking about the Right to Life these days? Okay, then, let’s talk about the right to live without the fear of gun violence. When a child is shot and killed, they lose decades of potential: the potential to grow up, have a family, contribute to society, and follow their dreams. In 2019, 925,023 years of potential life were lost before the age of 65, more than diabetes, stroke and liver disease combined. 

Here is how a public health approach looks:

  1. Define the problem of violence through data collection; collecting data is essential 
  2. Identify risk and protective factors: why violence occurs, who it affects 
  3. Develop and test prevention strategies and see what works 
  4. Ensure widespread adoption of effective strategies The success of auto safety relied on research, regulations, licensing, registration, preventing risky individuals from driving, manufacturing standards required to make cars safer (installing seatbelts and airbags), age requirements, license renewal, ongoing monitoring and regulation, and liability. 

Without exception, each of these steps can be taken to reduce gun violence. (All information from Learn More about Gun Violence) The lethality and availability of firearms drive our high homicide rate. At this point, there is not a lot of attention paid to the prevention of gun violence. 

In the latest Supreme Court decision on New York State Rifle & Pistol Assoc v Bruen (overturning NY State’s concealed carry permit law), it is reported that in the six concurring opinions, public health was disregarded while the three dissenting justices focused on public health as the way to reduce gun violence. (The Supreme Court’s Ruling on Guns | Johns Hopkins John’s Hopkins leaders

How do we stop gun violence in America suggest the steps our country can take to address the epidemic of mass shootings: 

  1. Make it harder to turn violent thoughts into violence. Violent thoughts are not unique, but easy means to quickly turn violent thoughts into action is. “America suffers more shootings because it is much easier for even fleeting violent thoughts here to be immediately translated into deadly action thanks to easy access to military-grade weaponry”. (Paul Nestadt) 
  2. More police in schools don’t solve the problem of easy access to guns. While data shows a 10-year decline in reports of students with weapons at school, rates of gun-related injury and death have increased over the past seven years and are currently higher than they have ever been recorded. “Making schools safer requires policymakers to address how young people access firearms”. (Odis Johnson) 
  3. Focus on humiliation in schools as a driver of withdrawal, confrontation, and violence. Humiliation is a factor in bullying, fear, violence, hate, discrimination, vengeance, and self-harm. It is a barrier to social inclusion, yet it has received limited attention in research, policy, and teacher and administrator education and training. (Sheldon Greenberg) 
  4. Ensure buildings are secure. “One conversion to emerge (following Uvalde) from this tragic period is how we can make small yet consequential building upgrades to school doors so that every child can be safe and healthy in school”.(Annette Anderson) 
  5. Leaders who fail to act are culpable. “As a professional working on federal policy to prevent gun violence, I am frustrated by the inaction. Leaders who fail to act are also culpable in these situations.” (Spencer Cantrell) 
  6. There are policies that work to prevent gun violence —if we deploy them. Public health means prevention. The John’s Hopkins Center for Gun Violence Solutions “will continue to educate policymakers and the public about preventive measures to curb this epidemic”. (Lisa Geller) 
  7. Turn heartache into action. “We can prevent violence. Through comprehensive firearm licensing policies, large capacity magazine limits, safe firearm storage, and extreme risk protective orders but also hospital-based and community-based violence intervention programs, police reform, addressing social determinants of health and dismantling structural racism. 

But to do this, we must all turn our heartache into action.” (Katherine Hoops) Information from the article: How do we stop gun violence in America?

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Executive Order Response to Decision That Overturned Roe v. Wade

Jaclyn Baker
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By Tanya Kramer, LPC

On July 8th, 2022, President Biden signed an Executive Order to put some protections in place following the decision by the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v. Wade. 

Roe v. Wade had protected women’s reproductive health care decisions for nearly 50 years.  The Executive Order recognized the impact this decision will have on an individual’s “privacy, autonomy, freedom, and equality”. 

It also recognized the disproportional effect on “women of color, low-income women, and rural women”.

This Executive Order covers five topic areas with specific actions under each category. 

This list captures a brief description of what is addressed in this Executive Order:

Safeguarding Access to Reproductive Health Care

  • Protect Access to Medication Abortion
  • Ensure Emergency Medical Care
  • Protect Access to Contraception
  • Launch Outreach and Public Education Efforts
  • Convene Volunteer Lawyers

Protecting Patient Privacy and Access to Accurate Information

  • Protect Consumers from Privacy Violations and Fraudulent and Deceptive Practices
  • Protect Sensitive Health Information

Promoting Safety and Security

  • Protect Patients, Providers, and Clinics

Coordinating Implementation Efforts

  • Establish an Interagency Task Force

Executive Order Builds on Administration’s Actions to Protect Access to Reproductive Health Care

  • Supporting Providers and Clinics
  • Promoting Access to Accurate Information
  • Providing Leave for Federal Workers Traveling for Medical Care
  • Protecting Access to Reproductive Health Care Services For Service members, DoD Civilians, and Military Families

This Executive order notes that there may be future Executive Orders established, and you can stay up to date on information regarding your right to access reproductive health care by visiting  https://reproductiverights.gov/.

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988 Suicide Hotline

Jaclyn Baker
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It’s important to have someone to talk to if you or someone you know is struggling with a crisis. 

The 988 suicide hotline is a great resource when you need help.

They have trained counselors who can offer advice, support, and any additional resources. Speaking with an empathetic person helps to remind you that you do not have to go through it alone. 

By dialing or texting the number 988, you will be connected to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline that is available across the US. Studies have shown that those who have called feel less suicidal and more hopeful afterwards. 

Knowing the signs of someone considering suicide can help when checking in on friends, family or peers. If you are not feeling like yourself, going through a difficult time, or feel trapped, then it may be time to reach out. 

Check out the resources below for more information: 

Crisis Center | 988 Lifeline

Suicide Prevention Resources

Reach Out: How To Help Someone At Risk Of Suicide

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How Much Screen-Time is Too Much?

Jaclyn Baker
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Have you ever asked yourself…

“How much screen time is considered too much?”

Well, right now, there is no set-in-stone answer to that question. 

With technology evolving, research has to constantly play catch-up to figure out how much screen time can potentially impact our well-being. 

And especially the impact it can have on kids.

Screen Time & Wellbeing 

For most kids, screens don’t have a significant impact on their well-being.

Kids are more resilient than we realize in multiple areas of life.

But with that said, we are all unique.

A certain activity or habit can have a greater impact on one child than another.

One child may be able to handle screen time close to bedtime, while one can’t. And that’s okay. 

As a parent, all you can do is keep your eyes open for signs and encourage open and honest conversation. 

It All Comes Down to Balance 

Too much of anything in life isn’t ideal. 

It is all about finding a healthy balance. 

Needs such as sleep, physical activity, relaxation and friendships can all be negatively impacted by our screens. 

Around 30 to 60 minutes of recreational screen time for younger kids a day can be a good starting point. 

You can also increase or decrease that number as time goes on if you’d like. 

Modelling Healthy Habits

Kids are more observant than you give them credit for.

If your kids see you putting your phone away at a certain time every day or turning it off during meals, they will be more inclined to do the same.

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Forming Healthy Habits

Jaclyn Baker
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Habits are behaviors we do so often that we typically don’t even realize we’re doing them – such as brushing our teeth, saying thank you, or grabbing a coat before going outside. 

Like most things in life, the more you do something, the easier it becomes.

So, if there is something you’ve been wanting to tackle, now is the time.

Every task (even the scary ones) have the potential to become a habit if you want it bad enough.

How and Where to Start

What option do you think sounds easier and more fun?

1) Cleaning your entire kitchen in one afternoon. 

2) Setting aside 10 minutes daily to tidy up various areas of the kitchen that need attention. This can be anything from cleaning one counter or unloading the dishwasher. 

Breaking up large goals into 10-minute tasks can help make any activity feel much less intimidating.

Simply setting aside a few minutes a day to quickly tidy up areas of your home that need it, can help prevent huge messes from pilling up.

Log Success

When we have so many things going on, we can often forget to acknowledge and appreciate those small wins.

All milestones, both large and small, deserve to be celebrated.

Writing down and checking off all the tasks we completed that day can help remind us how hard-working we are.

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” – John C. Maxwell

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Enjoying Vacation Comes Down to a Science

Jaclyn Baker
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Skipping or putting a vacation on hold may feel ideal at the moment. But ultimately, that is far from the truth.

Not only are vacations fun – but they can benefit your mind, body and soul.

Recognizing the Value of a Vacation

Have you ever felt guilty about taking a vacation? 

Have you ever felt like there isn’t much of a point or that your time would better be spent working? 

Vacations are far from a waste of time. They can improve mental health, boost job performance, and increase creativity.

A great vacation doesn’t have to be long or expensive by any means. Taking a mini weekend staycation at a friend’s house or local hotel can deliver all the benefits and then some.

Mixing Things Up

Even if you thrive on routine, mixing things up for even a few days can help increase motivation, energy and creativity.

When we do the same thing day in and day out – the activities we typically love can start to feel less exciting.

Taking a week off of television can help you enjoy it that much more down the line. 

You know what they say – absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Professional athletes schedule recovery days to let their muscles rest.

We need to do the same thing with our minds!

Above, we listed television as an example. But the activity you’d like to take a break from may be different.

What do you feel you need a break from?

Choose the Vacation Best For You

Our dream vacation may be different from yours, as we all have our own interests.

Some may enjoy a vacation full of back-to-back activities, while others may enjoy a few days sitting by the pool reading a book. At the end of the day, all that matters is your happiness and ability to enjoy yourself.

Most of us declutter our homes pretty often – taking vacations can help declutter our minds from stress. What are you waiting for? There is no time like the present to start planning your next adventure! 

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Letting Go Of Resentments

Jaclyn Baker
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It’s not uncommon to disagree with the people we love – even our romantic partners. 

But when the past starts to impact the future, it may be time to make some changes.

Decoding Our Resentments

Instead of pushing any feelings of resentment aside, we can try and realize what they’re trying to tell us. 

Doing so can help us work through them, accept them and move forward in a healthy way. All feelings have a purpose and something to teach us. 

Express Your Needs 

If you ever feel like you’re not having your needs met – it’s time to speak up!

Open communication and honesty is a two-way street.

Once you start opening up, your partner likely will as well, which in turn can strengthen your relationship. 

Write And Share

Sometimes the best way to get our thoughts out is to put them down on paper. 

What are your resentments? 

Where do you think they come from? 

What makes you think about them? 

Is there anything your partner can do to help? 

Oftentimes journaling can help us decode feelings we didn’t even know we had! 

If you catch any new feelings pop up alongside your journaling journey, you can share them with your partner. 

Every new conversation can help strengthen your bond and open up new doors.

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Jaclyn Baker
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A promotion or graduation are milestones that should be celebrated!

But sometimes, it can feel like we don’t deserve recognition, or we haven’t earned our success.

When those emotions take over, it can feel like our success is due to luck, not skill or talent. 

If you ever feel that way, you may be experiencing imposter syndrome, which is more common than you think.

Even though you may not always believe it, you have so much to be proud of.

Every milestone you’ve achieved in life is due to your talent and hard work. Celebrating your success shouldn’t be something we avoid. It should be something we embrace. 

Create A Brag Box

Have a college acceptance letter hidden in your junk drawer or a thank you note folded up in your purse?

Go collect those items and place them in a special box!

Looking at the physical content of past achievements can help remind you just how special you are.

The next time you catch yourself doubting your abilities, you can look back on your collection and celebrate yourself. 

Stop Comparing Yourself

“Don’t be busy chasing what other people have.” – Marshall Goldsmith

All people are different, and all have their own journey. 

It may feel like your peers are ahead of you in certain avenues – but what you see is not always factual. 

Most of us tend to discuss and spotlight the high points of our success. 

We can never know for sure the full story of how our peers got from point A to point B.

Open Up 

Surrounding ourselves and opening up to loved ones can help us in many avenues of life. 

The longer we keep negative emotions bottled up inside us, the more intense they tend to feel. Sharing our fears and doubts with loved ones can help us look at them in new ways.

Who knows – your friend may be feeling the exact same way you are.

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