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Healthy Closure – Do We Need it? What Does Healthy Closure Mean Anyway?

Jaclyn Baker

By: Tanya Kramer

In the words of Taylor Swift: “You don’t have to forgive, and you don’t have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent and then you move on”. For the record, Taylor goes on to say that forgiveness is important for people who have enriched your life. 

You can find the full interview from 4 years ago on CBS’s Sunday Morning program here. See minute 8:10 about forgiveness at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-nv6HWXvVM

As the new year has come and gone, it is helpful to think about how to move forward past difficult things from the last year or in the past. One might ask, how do I “move on” as Taylor Swift suggests? Well, the first thing to explore is assessing what we have (or had) control over versus what we don’t have control over.

When the Situation is (or was) in Your Control

If the situation that is happening is something you have some control over, then there are some ways to help increase the chances of healthy closure by how you handle it. If it is something from your past, there are options to go back and repair or heal through specific actions.

What are some examples of situations where we have (or had) control and we desire to explore options for healthy closure?

• Knowing we need to end a romantic, friend, or family relationship (or did in the past)

• Knowing we or someone we care about is moving away (or moved away in the past)

• Knowing we or someone we know are dying from an illness

• Knowing it is time to change a job (or left a job in the past)

• Knowing there is transition in our life or someone else that will impact us (present or past)

• There are other examples….but if there is space for you to control something, then this category fits what do we do?

There are lots of ways to navigate these types of situations, and here are just a few ideas to consider to help increase the chances of healthy closure when you have some level of control.

Communication – If you know something is happening, think about how you want to communicate with the person how you feel about the situation. You might want to consider sharing feelings, worries, hopes, and fears with the person. It also might be very important to hear how the other person is feeling and thinking. Communication helps people feel connected, even if the communication is about something ending.

Repairing – If something has happened in the past and you realize now that you wish you had approached the situation differently, then you can go back and communicate what you learned to the people impacted. This is often called “repairing” or if the harm was significant it can sometimes be called “restorative justice”.

Celebrating or Honoring the relationship or experience – Depending on the situation, it might be appropriate to celebrate or honor what has been true, even if there is a change happening. This can be through honoring a relationship, honoring the work, or celebrating the experiences that have been shared.

Grief and Loss – Embracing the normal grief and loss process of any difficult situation, which may include feelings of denial, anger, bargaining, depression / sadness, and acceptance.

Share – Talking to a close friend, family member, or therapist can be a helpful outlet to process emotions and thoughts about a change that is happening.

Boundaries – You might realize there are some specific boundaries you need to set in order to take care of yourself due to this change. You should take some time to identify what these boundaries are, and then communicate them to the people / person who needs to know these boundaries.

Lessons Learned – Something ending can be very difficult and even painful. But one way to move toward acceptance is to think about what you learned from this experience.

Think about what you might do differently or what boundaries you would have set sooner. A difficult experience is only a waste of time if we don’t learn something from it (of course, only if this applies to your situation).

Make Amends – In some situations, we might realize that we caused harm. In these situations, it may be important to make amends if that does not cause further harm to anyone else.

Self Forgiveness – Sometimes we later regret how we handled a situation. When this happens, you can use many of the suggestions on this list, but at the end of the day forgiving yourself will be important. A resource to work through self forgiveness can be found in the book “Forgiving Yourself” by Beverly Flanigan, M.S.S.W.

Lack of Control: When things happen that we don’t have control over, there are ways to lean into healthy closure. Closure does not mean control. Closure means honoring the experience or transition with intention and then moving forward in life, sometimes this means “letting go”.

What are some examples of situations that “happen to us” where we might need to explore options for healthy closure?

• Death of a person or pet

• Someone close moving away

• Illness

• Relationship (romantic, friend, or family) ending, even if you don’t want it to

• Jobs ending

• Responding to an unplanned situation

• Important plans getting changed

• Trauma (there are many things that fall under this category)

• There are so many other examples – but if you did not have control…then this fits what do we do?

The answer to this can vary depending on the situation, but her are a few suggestions to consider…and only you trying them will determine which exercise will have the best impact for you.

• Write a letter to yourself, to the person, to the illness, the pet, etc – When writing a letter, you can choose to send it (if this is an option), hold onto it like a journal where you processed your feelings, or through a ritual let it go (Examples are burning it, shredding it, tearing it up, painting over it, etc.). This is helpful because it give a space for you to express the emotions and thoughts that you might be holding inside. This exercise helps the emotion move out of your body which aids in emotional healing.

• Create a ritual – If the thing you can’t control is the loss of someone or a pet, then find a way to honor them. You could create a shrine with pictures and memories. You could decide to celebrate them on an important date such as their birthday, or do something they loved regularly in your life like listen to their favorite music or hike in a favorite spot of theirs.

• Journaling – Journaling about your experience is a private way to help clear out your thoughts and feelings about what happened. Over time you will find that you might have less to journal about as you heal from the loss that happened to you. If you enjoy art, then you could do the same process only through art journaling using pictures.

• Give yourself permission to feel and experience the Grief and Loss Cycle which often includes tears or intense emotions – This cycle includes in no specific order: denial, anger, bargaining, anger / sadness, and acceptance. Everybody grieves differently on their own timeline. Give yourself permission to grieve on your terms.

• Understanding Anger – Understanding that anger is a secondary emotion, meaning under the anger there are often more intimate feelings such as sadness, hurt, loneliness, etc. Understanding anger more as a protective emotion, and then finding a trusted person to process your more intimate feelings. A famous quote by Buddha is “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

• Acceptance – Understand that you might not get answers to all your questions. Sometimes the phrase “Radical Acceptance” can be helpful. We can lean into knowing we don’t know why, and we can just radically accept it as truth. If you want to explore this further, you can look into the book called “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha” by Tara Brach.

• Consider a Larger Picture – Sometimes what we “want” is not what we “need”. Thinking about the bigger picture sometimes helps us see that what we had could be improved upon when given the space to do so.

• Therapy / Someone you Trust – You do not need to walk this path of grief alone. Ask for support from someone you trust or a therapist / counselor. When we can share our thoughts and feelings with someone we trust who can have empathy for our experience, it can significantly change how we are holding our hurt and pain.

• Healthy Distraction – We don’t want to distract all the time and completely avoid our emotions. But it is OK to find a healthy distraction to fill the void of the change, loss, or transition. Some people find a new interest or hobby. Some people put more energy into things they already enjoy in their life. But it is OK to take breaks from feeling the big emotions because it gives your whole system a break.’

• Solitude – Sometimes doing things on your own can be a reminder that you can survive difficult changes in your life.

• Get Perspective – Sometimes the reason we feel so impacted by something in the present is because it reminds us of prior experiences in life from our past. These experiences can be linked in the brain, so when they happen, they can have a lot more energy which can be hard to let go of. If this is happening for you, then you might want to consider working with a counselor to help you navigate these complex experiences.

• Focus on your Strengths – Sometimes in the midst of loss, we forget who we are. Reflect on your strengths and the character traits you have that you are proud of. This is a reminder that you are not lost in the midst of a great loss.

• Find Moments of Joy / Happiness – Do things that in the past have brought you joy or happiness. Be sure to hold no judgment as you play with puppies, ride a roller coaster, explore a new restaurant, etc.

• Plan for your Future – Decide on one thing you will do that is intentionally you focusing on your future. This could be taking a class, planning a trip, completing a task, visiting a dear friend that you have not seen, etc.

Recognize that at the end of the day, Closure Comes from You, Not Anyone Else

You are the best source of knowing what you need in any situation. So be sure to slow down and ask yourself this question. You might need to talk to someone, get better sleep, exercise, do something new, or focus on something that has nothing to do with the change. Be kind to yourself as it is a process to healing might “ebb and flow” depending on triggers or reminders.

But also know you are not alone in this experience, so reach out to your support system as needed. True closure is about facing negative emotions and finding a way to honor them, and then move past them. As Taylor Swift said “You just become indifferent, and then you just move on”.

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Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

Jaclyn Baker

By: Betsy Pownall

As Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month is coming up in February, here are some statistics to keep in mind:

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • 1 in 3 girls in the US is a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • 1 in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse.
  • 81% of parents believe dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know it’s an issue. (From loveisrespect.org)
  • 1 in 3 young people will be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship.
  • 33% of adolescents in America are victims of sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional dating abuse.
  • 50% of young people who experience rape or physicalcal or sexual abuse will attempt suicide. (From dosomething.org)

Some teens are at greater risk than others. Sexual minority groups as well as racial/ethnic minority groups are disproportionately affected by many types of violence. (From www.cdc.gov)

Dating can mean something different to each person. No matter who the people are, or what their age is, it is important, when two people make a decision to date, that each one is aware of their ‘dating bill of rights’. Below is the Dating Bill of Rights for Teens (as well as anyone else):

Dating Bill of Rights

I have the right:

  • To ask for a date.
  • To refuse a date.
  • To suggest activities.
  • To refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them.
  • To have my own feelings and be able to express them.
  • To say I think my partner’s information is wrong or his/her actions are unfair or inappropriate.
  • To tell someone not to interrupt me.
  • To have my limits and values respected.
  • To tell my partner when I need affection.
  • To be heard.
  • To refuse to lend money.
  • To refuse affection.
  • To refuse affection.
  • To refuse sex with anyone for any reason.
  • To refuse sex anytime for any reason.
  • To have friends and space outside from my partner.

I have the responsibility:

  • To determine my limits and values.
  • To respect the limits and values of others.
  • To communicate clearly and honestly.
  • To ask for help when I need it.
  • To be considerate.
  • To check my actions/decisions to determine if they are good for me or bad for me; to set high goals.

(From Dating Violence: An Anti-Victimization Program, Texas Council on Family Violence and The Bridge Over Troubled Waters.)

Some Regional Resources For Adolescents

ABC House

1054 29th Ave; Albany, OR (visit by appointment)

541.926.2203

 https://www.abchouse.org/

Hope & Safety Alliance

1577 Pearl St STE 200; Eugene, OR

Hotline: 541.485.6513 (local Eugene); 1.800.281.2800

https://www.hopesafetyalliance.org/

Call to Safety 24/7 crisis line

Hotline: 503.235.5333 (local Portland)

1.888.235.5333

https://calltosafety.org/

Raphael House of Portland

4110 SE Hawthorne Blvd. #503, Portland

503.222.6507

https://raphaelhouse.com/teen-dating-violence/

The Gateway Center for Domestic Violence Services

Portland based; does not accept walk-ins. Call for one-one support to create a safety plan and get connected to other services

503.988.6400

Center for Hope and Safety

605 Center St NE; Salem, OR

Hotline: 503.399.7722 (local Salem) 1.866.399.7722

https://hopeandsafety.org/

 

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The Healing Power of Hugs: National Hugging Day on January 21

Jaclyn Baker
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By: Jen Champion 

In a world that often prioritizes virtual connections over physical touch, National Hugging Day on January 21 is a gentle reminder of the profound impact a simple embrace can have on our well-being. Hugging is not just a universal gesture but a timeless expression of care and support that transcends cultural boundaries.

Hugging is an ancient practice deeply rooted in our human experience. It is a straightforward yet powerful gesture that our bodies can naturally and effortlessly engage in, fostering a sense of connection and understanding. 

However, it’s crucial to approach hugging with sensitivity, acknowledging that not everyone may be comfortable with this form of physical contact. 

Always seek consent and respect personal boundaries, ensuring that your intentions align with the comfort level of the person you wish to hug. Scientifically, the benefits of hugs extend beyond the emotional realm. Research indicates that even the thought of a hug can trigger hormonal responses similar to those experienced during an actual embrace. This phenomenon also applies to self-hugging, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and care.

One of the primary advantages of hugs is their ability to reduce stress and elevate mood. The warmth and comfort provided by a hug stimulate the release of oxytocin, commonly known as the love hormone, promoting relaxation and a sense of security. 

Moreover, the physical act of hugging can ease tension in the shoulders, chest, and upper back, offering a quick and effective way to unwind.

Group hugs, in particular, create a unique sense of unity and support. The collective energy shared in a group hug fosters a feeling of belonging and strengthens social bonds. In a world increasingly dominated by digital interactions, embracing the simplicity of physical touch becomes even more significant.

As our daily lives become more fast-paced and technology-driven, personal connections often

take a backseat. The prevalence of phones and earbuds has led to decreased eye-to-eye contact and genuine friendliness. 

National Hugging Day encourages us to break through these barriers, promoting the reconnection of hearts through the timeless act of hugging. Incorporating hugs into your daily routine doesn’t have to be limited to human interactions. 

Hug your pet, use a yoga strap, or wrap yourself in a cozy shawl. Engage in self-hugging in front of a mirror, accompanied by a warm smile, or share an extended hug with a friend. These simple yet meaningful practices can contribute to a more compassionate and connected world.

This January 21, let’s celebrate National Hugging Day by embracing the healing power of hugs.

Whether with a friend, a family member, or even yourself, take a moment to share the warmth and positive energy that a hug can bring. After all, in a world that sometimes feels disconnected, a heartfelt embrace can bridge the gaps and nurture the human spirit.

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Realistic New Year’s Resolutions

Jaclyn Baker
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With the start of the New Year, it’s easy to get caught up in the expectation to create a New Year’s resolution. Whether it’s to improve your health, or adding in a new habit to your routine, the new year can be a good time to reflect and look ahead to determine what you’d like to change.

Oftentimes these resolutions have large and even unrealistic expectations, making them difficult to maintain throughout the year. It’s easy to have an “all-or-nothing” mindset, seeing a pause in progress or inability to complete your goal for a day, as a failure. This can lead to dropping the new habit, and sometimes feeling too discouraged to try again. To avoid this cycle, we need to start by creating realistic goals that can be measured. 

Creating a goal based on outcome can easily leave us disappointed and frustrated with ourselves. Instead, try committing to a behavior change that you can complete once a day, such as “go outside for 10 minutes every day”, or “eat one nutritious meal a day”. Making a daily commitment can create a sense of accomplishment while also keeping our goals realistic. Eventually, you may notice a change resulting from all these small steps. Another thing to practice is logging each day whether or not you’ve completed the goal, to find patterns in why you may have off-days or pauses in your progress.

Another way to create realistic goals is to make them S.M.A.R.T., which stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. 

  • Let’s start with “specific”. Creating a general goal can make it easier to drop the habit. The goal “go for a walk once a day” is easier to follow than “live a healthier lifestyle”. 
  • Having a goal that is easy to track makes it measurable. Setting a number or some sort of deadline can help you know when you’ve achieved it. For example, “drink eight glasses of water a day” makes it easy to track whether or not you’ve reached your goal. 
  • Achievable is checking to see if your goal is achievable, ensuring your goals aren’t too difficult. If your goal is too hard, this can lead to dropping the habit and feeling discouraged. If you want to learn a new language, and have no experience with it, it would be out of your scope to set a goal to become fluent within the next 30 days.
  • Realistic goals ensure your target is feasible with the current lifestyle you have. If you’re constantly feeling overworked or overwhelmed practicing the goal, it might be a cue to scale down to a more manageable behavior. 
  • Finally, we have timely. Making a resolution that has no timeline can make it unclear whether or not you can accomplish it. So, like stated earlier, you can set a goal to practice one behavior a day. Eventually, you may see progress from all of these behaviors adding up!

Ultimately, it’s important to be kind to ourselves whenever working towards a goal. Progress will never be linear – so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself not meeting these behaviors each day. And, if maintaining what you’re managing right now is all you can do, that is enough. Be kind to yourself, and happy New Year!

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The Positive Effects of New Experiences

Jaclyn Baker
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If you’re someone who shies away from change, the transformative science behind new experiences might just alter your perspective. While the idea of stepping outside your comfort zone may seem daunting, it explores the profound mental health benefits that come with embracing the unknown. 

From reshaping neural connections to boosting mood regulation, unravel the secrets of cognitive and emotional well-being, and explore a life of boundless possibilities. 

Rewires Your Brain

Give your brain a makeover! Novel experiences are the secret sauce that stimulates neuroplasticity. 

It’s like a brain workout, enhancing cognitive flexibility and breaking free from those negative thought patterns associated with depression. Who knew change could be so liberating?

Increases Social Interaction

Social interaction is your golden ticket to reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness often associated with depression. 

Many new experiences involve interacting with others, whether through group activities, classes, or simply sharing an experience with friends. 

Boosts Confidence: Strut Your Stuff

Conquering new challenges isn’t just about skill acquisition; it’s a confidence booster! 

Whether you’re mastering a new skill or waltzing out of your comfort zone, each positive experience adds to your self-worth and self-efficacy. It’s time to strut your stuff! 

Reduces Ruminative Thinking

People with depression tend to ruminate on negative thoughts and feelings. 

Engaging in new experiences can redirect your focus away from rumination, providing temporary relief from distressing thoughts. Time to break free from that negative thought carousel!

Helps in Focusing on the Present

Experiencing something new often requires being present in the moment. This mindfulness can help you let go of past regrets or future worries and focus on the here and now. 

Savor the here and now – it’s like a therapeutic spa day for your mind.

Inspires a Sense of Purpose

Embarking on new adventures is more than a mere change of scenery; it’s a transformative journey that can profoundly impact one’s sense of purpose. 

New experiences act as catalysts, stirring the soul and inspiring individuals to redefine their purpose. For those navigating the complexities of depression, each new encounter becomes a stepping stone toward overcoming challenges and discovering a renewed sense of joy and fulfillment.

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5 Components to Craft a Healthy Daily Routine

Jaclyn Baker
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Embarking on a journey to prioritize your mental well-being? Then, establishing a routine could be your key to unlocking a healthier and happier lifestyle. 

Amidst the sea of resolutions, let’s shine a spotlight on an often underestimated yet potent catalyst for well-being – the magic of establishing a routine. Imagine a life where your exercise, medication, chores, relaxation, and sleep seamlessly fall into a predictable pattern, making every day a symphony of balance and order tailored to your unique preferences.

Dive in and discover how to uncover the simple yet profoundly impactful steps that can guide you toward a more consistent daily routine. 

Welcome to the journey of discovering the benefits of routine – a journey that promises order, efficiency, discipline, and the comforting stability we all yearn for. 

Unleash the Power of Consistent Rest

Cultivate a regular sleep schedule to synchronize your bedtime and wake time, creating a serene rhythm for your days. 

Allow the gentle embrace of consistent sleep to regulate your mood, enhance focus, deploy healthy coping mechanisms, and reduce stress hormones. Setting bedtime and wake-up alarms can transform your nights into peaceful rejuvenation and mornings into stress-free beginnings 

Create Daily Rituals to Blow off Steam

Carve out dedicated time and space in your routine to proactively manage stress. 

Whether it’s through meditation, exercise, or journaling, infuse your days with intentional practices that dissipate stress. Embrace the transformative power of daily stress-relief rituals to foster mental resilience.

Begin with the Most Important Thing

Navigate your to-do list with wisdom, prioritizing the most important tasks over the quick and easy ones. 

Let your routine reflect a commitment to tackling the crucial tasks first, ensuring your energy and focus align with your priorities.

Add Some Joy and Daily Reflection

Embrace the simple yet profound act of expressing gratitude daily. Whether through a nightly journal or morning reflections, incorporate gratitude into your routine. Let this practice amplify the positives in your life, creating a harmonious rhythm of appreciation.

Also, integrating simple pleasures into your routine ensures they contribute to your happiness without compromising your well-being. From cooking to yoga, craft a routine that includes activities bringing joy and fulfillment. 

Nurture Meaningful Connections

Prioritize relationships by weaving them into your routine. 

From family dinners to date nights and coffee with friends, cultivate routines that foster emotional support, belonging, and acceptance. Let social interactions



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3 Steps to Take Control of Overwhelming Feelings

Jaclyn Baker
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In your journey through life, feeling overwhelmed is a shared human experience. 

But know that dealing with overwhelming thoughts and feelings is not about perfection but a continuous growth process. Explore practical insights from the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) world, gaining a valuable perspective on embracing your humanity. 

It’s about more than just recognizing difficulty; it’s about sensing within and embracing the profound connection between mind and body. 

Now, let’s unravel the transformative journey of noticing, feeling, and moving towards a direction aligned with your deepest values with this go-to formula you can use when feeling overwhelmed.

Step 1: Notice Your Emotions

When the world seems to come crashing down, it’s hard to think straight, so the first step is straightforward and simple. You only need to notice that this is currently hard for you. It can be as simple as having a quick moment of clarity while experiencing an emotional outburst.

If you practice the skill of noticing, you will be able to catch your experiences as they unfold in the present moment, allowing you to make a conscious decision about what you want to do next.

Step 2: Feel The Unseen

When overwhelming thoughts and feelings grip you, they may deceive you into believing you’re not okay. The impulse to dispel these emotions often leads to familiar coping mechanisms—lashing out, indulging in comfort food, smoking, or escaping into social media. While effective momentarily, the cycle repeats, leaving you once again submerged in overwhelm.

In such moments, it is crucial to recognize your power of choice. Instead of evading your experience, embrace it. Dive into your body: What sensations are present, and where? Invest a few seconds, perhaps a minute or two, in exploring your internal landscape. 

Start small and gradually expand your awareness with self-kindness, patience, and care.

Step 3: Move Towards What Matters

The third and final step in regaining control is to shift your focus outward. Reflect on the things that hold greater significance than succumbing to overwhelm. Whether it’s commitments to loved ones, career goals, or enhancing self-care, some aspects of your life matter deeply.

Take a moment to move in a valued direction; it need not be a grand gesture. A small step suffices—sip a glass of water, send a quick text to a loved one, bask in a short walk in the sun, or indulge your dog with a belly rub. The options are limitless. 

What matters is the commitment to small actions that are aligned with your life’s purpose and meaning.

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Embracing Joy: A Holistic Guide to Holiday Season Wellness

Jaclyn Baker
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The holiday season is upon us, bringing with it a whirlwind of traditions, expectations, and emotions. 

For many, it’s a time of joy, connection, and celebration. Yet, navigating through this time isn’t always easy. Amidst the festivities, stress can sneak in, creating an overwhelming cloud over what should be a cheerful period.

In honor of When Difficult Relatives Happen To Good People, Leonard Felder – here’s a comprehensive guide filled with tips, experiences, and strategies!

Infuse Festive Cheer into Every Corner

Decorations can work wonders, lifting spirits and setting the holiday mood. Taking crisp outdoor walks bundled up, marveling at neighborhood lights, and indulging in homemade hot apple cider, can be simple yet powerful ways to celebrate.

Mindful Gift-Giving and Family Conversations

Planning gift-giving strategies with family members, whether through Secret Santa or charitable donations, alleviates financial and mental strain. This thoughtful approach ensures that the joy of giving isn’t overshadowed by stress.

Light Does Come Back After the Solstice on December 21st

A simple way to celebrate the natural seasonal change is to light a candle and take it into every corner of your home, welcoming the light back. This is one of my favorite personal traditions. It may seem like there’s a long dark winter left to struggle through after the holidays are over, but the truth is, the days are already getting longer. -Joanna

Prioritize Activities and Connection Over Material Things

Engaging in shared activities, planning family meals together, and fostering meaningful conversations can create lasting memories. – Annette

Coping Strategies and Self-Care Tips

Recognizing the importance of self-care and implementing strategies to counteract negative feelings is a crucial aspect of navigating the season.

Practical Tips for Holiday Preparedness

Stocking up on comforting foods and being mindful of store closures on holidays ensures that small details don’t diminish the festive spirit.

Finding Joy Amidst the Chaos

As the holiday whirlwind engulfs us, it’s essential to remember that amidst the chaos and expectations, our well-being is paramount. Prioritizing joy, connection, and self-care helps us navigate this season with grace.

Wishing you a season filled with warmth, joy, and moments that matter most. – Ash

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Holiday Survival Guide Ideas

Jaclyn Baker

The holidays can be a wonderful time, but they can also be a stressful time.   We asked our staff for their best tips for surviving the holidays.  

For a few years when my children were young, I questioned “tradition”: Things I believed I was obligated to do to “celebrate” the holiday season.  I started letting go of things for a year, to see how it impacted our family life. Some traditions returned, and some permanently disappeared. Something I let go of for good was writing and mailing Christmas cards. While I don’t get many Christmas cards anymore, I feel less stressed, less anxious, and I am able to be more fully engaged in the moment, rather than sitting and writing cards to people I may never see again. 

Once the dark nights start falling, I light candles every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. It softens the brightness and busyness of the outside world, and marks the end of one week, the beginning of the next. #wicklight

When in doubt at the holiday table where anything might be said: Talk movies, shows, and books. If you stay on the topic of the movie, show or book, you may be able to keep things calm(ish). If someone mentions something that could be a trigger, mention Succession! That’ll change the subject! 

My way of surviving the holidays is by saying ‘no’ to things so I can spend more quiet time with my family and animals. It actually feels good to stay still while the world is madly turning. 

If you feel triggered and anxious at a family gathering, go do the dishes. It works for me. 

I feel that this time of year can be so stressful. It has always helped me to think in terms of giving, especially to those in need.

How to survive the dark month of December? I get outside and exercise on a daily basis – hiking, biking or walking. My mind feels clearer, my body less anxious, and my soul, nourished.

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Seasonal Affective Disorder Coping Skills

Jaclyn Baker

By: Tanya Kramer

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects more than 10 million people in the United States. 

So as we ease into the beginning of Winter, it is important to understand what it is so we can take care of ourselves or support someone we care about.

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

  • Fall Onset SAD (sometimes called “Winter Depression” – Experiencing depression starting in Fall, intensifying in Winter, and ending in the Spring or Summer
  • Spring Onset SAD (sometimes called “Summer Depression”) – Experiencing depression only in the Summer.

What causes SAD?

Although scientists continue to research this, studies show it might be caused by one or more of the following things:

  • Lack of sunlight
  • Imbalance of a chemical or hormone in the brain
  • Lower levels of Vitamin D
  • Use of Melatonin or Overproduction of Melatonin
  • Poor sleep patterns caused by changes in your circadian rhythm (biological clock) often caused by shorter daylight hours
  • Low Serotonin levels
  • Negative thoughts or feelings associated with a specific season
  • Hot Temperatures when there are longer daylight hours (specifically for Summer Depression)

Are you more susceptible to SAD?

  • More common in women (4x more than men)
  • More common for people who live farther away from the equator
  • Higher risk if you have a Family History of Depression
  • Higher risk if you have another type of Depression or Bipolar Disorder
  • More common in adults than children

What are the Symptoms of SAD or “Winter Depression”?

  • Feel depressed most of the day, almost every day
  • Low energy levels
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Things you like to do may not interest you
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Feeling hopeless or worthless
  • Might overeat, cravings for carbohydrates
  • Weight gain
  • Withdraw from people (hibernating)
  • Sleeping a lot (hypersomnia)
  • Reduced sex drive
  • Feeling irritable
  • Suicidal thoughts or feelings (If feeling suicidal, then call 988 which is the National Suicide Prevention phone number)

What are the Symptoms of SAD or “Summer Depression”?

  • Poor appetite or weight loss
  • Feeling restless
  • Feeling anxious
  • More irritable
  • Trouble sleeping (insomnia)
  • Potential to become violent or aggressive

What can you do to manage or improve symptoms for SAD? (note treatments for “Winter Depression” and “Summer Depression” may be different):

  • Exposure to Sunlight – spending time outside or near a window with sunlight
  • Light Therapy or Phototherapy – exposure to special lights which can mimic outdoor light resulting in a chemical change in the brain (providing an exposure to 10,000 lux of light)
  • Vitamin D Supplements – provides Vitamin D when the body is least likely to be creating it’s own Vitamin D due to lack of sun
  • Psychotherapy, Talk Therapy
  • Share how you are feeling with a trusted friend or family member
  • Medications – Talk to your doctor about options such as antidepressants
  • Set realistic goals during these more challenging times
  • Do things that might make you feel better such as engaging in an activity that you usually enjoy
  • Eat healthy, well-balanced food
  • Limit or abstain from using alcohol or drugs

If you know you experience SAD, then be proactive and plan ahead of the difficult season by engaging with some of the suggestions on this last list to manage or improve symptoms. You can talk to your therapist about creating a plan for managing SAD and then check in at your regular sessions about what is working and what is not working.

Learn more information at the following websites:

Johns Hopkins Medicine “Seasonal Affective Disorder

Mayo Clinic “Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

 National Institute of Mental Health “Seasonal Affective Disorder



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The Death Penalty- an Ongoing International Human Rights Issue

Jaclyn Baker

By: Tanya Kramer

I remember writing a college paper 20 years ago about my belief that the the death penalty should end. 

I believed this on principle, but also learned in my deep dive how many people are wrongly convicted in death penalty cases. 

I remember going to a panel speaking engagement in my early 20s and listening to someone who spent over 30 years in prison for a death penalty case, and then was exonerated. I felt both moved and sickened that we continue to engage with using the death penalty in the United States when most first-world countries have ended this practice. Since 1973, at least 195 people were wrongly convicted and sentenced to death in the United States before being exonerated and released. 

We may never know how many people have been wrongly convicted and then put to death.

In 2014, there was a study published in the “Proceeding of the National Academy of Sciences”. This study reported that one out of 25 people sentenced to death are likely innocent. So if 1,320 people were executed between 1977 and 2013, that would mean that over 50 people have been executed who were innocent (averaging at least one person per year).

Based on reporting from the website “Death Penalty Information Center”, there are at least 20 cases where there is enough evidence to question whether people who have already been executed might have been innocent. 

You can learn more here.

Amnesty International continues to focus energy and attention on the death penalty because they report it “breaches human rights, in particular, the right to life and the right to live free from torture or cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment”. These rights are protected under the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted by the United Nations in 1948.

In a recent Amnesty International (AI) newsletter, AI provided the following facts:

  • AI started working on this issue in 1977 when only 16 countries had totally abolished the death penalty
  • Today in 2023, 112 countries have abolished the death penalty (more than half the world’s countries)
  • More than two-thirds of all countries are abolitionists in practice even if it is not in their laws
  • Unfortunately in 2022, there has been an alarming spike in executions, marking a 53% increase since 2021 and the highest number of executions since 2017 (which does not include the believed to be thousands of executions in China last year)
  • The US was no exception to this disturbing trend where the execution rate increased from 2021 to 2022 by 64%

According to Amnesty International, executions across the world are concentrated in these countries: China, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and the United States (in that order). Amnesty International proposed the need to abolish the death penalty for the following key reasons:

  • It is irreversible and mistakes happen
  • It does not deter crime
  • It is often used within skewed justice systems
  • It is discriminatory
  • It is used as a political tool

Consider becoming involved in Amnesty International or other organizations that address this important Human Rights Concern. 

Learn more by exploring these websites:

 Amnesty International

The Death Penalty Information Center 

The Innocents Project

Universal Declaration of Human Rights

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4 Tips for Mastering the Art of Lasting Resolutions

Jaclyn Baker
,

Embarking on New Year’s resolutions is a time-honored tradition.

But the reality is that most resolutions tend to fizzle out by the time January ends. However, with a strategic approach, especially focusing on the crucial element of self-confidence, resolutions can transform into lasting lifestyle changes. 

Whether it’s breaking free from procrastination, adopting healthier habits, or conquering personal challenges, the keys to lasting change are within reach.  

Let’s explore the importance of managing expectations, embracing inevitable lapses, and respecting the power of temptations to ensure your resolutions stand the test of time.

Acknowledge Imperfections

Willpower alone often falls short.  Recognize that seeking help and adopting proven techniques significantly enhance the chances of resolution success. Accepting your limitations is the first step towards a more realistic and achievable journey.

Find the Confidence Balance

While believing in ultimate success is essential, avoiding overconfidence ensures preparedness for occasional setbacks. 

Uncover the art of creating a disaster recovery plan, ensuring that a stumble doesn’t lead to abandoning your resolutions but rather becomes a stepping stone to success. Make resolutions more forgiving, focusing on progress rather than an all-or-nothing approach.

Respect the Power of Temptations

Temptations are potent adversaries to resolutions. 

Acknowledge their strength and strategize to avoid triggering situations. Recognizing when and where willpower tends to wane helps make conscious choices and build lasting habits.

Own Up to Being Fallible

Embracing the inevitability of occasional setbacks and having a predefined plan for recovery lays the foundation for a successful resolution journey.

When your resolutions fail, see how you can get back on track. This acceptance becomes the cornerstone for a successful year of growth and positive change.

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