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Understanding and Coping With Grief

Jaclyn Baker
,

By: Tanya Kramer, LPC, CADC-I

Grief and Loss can and will affect everyone. Sometimes when we grieve, we might start to compare ourselves to others around us with thoughts such as:

  • “Why am I not crying”
  • “Everyone else seems to be OK”
  • “How come I can’t just move on”
  • “Why can’t I stop thinking about this when everyone else is not talking about it”
  • “One day I am fine and then I am back to feeling angry or sad”

Comparing how we grieve to others is not helpful for your grieving process, and can trigger the thought, “What is wrong with me”. However, it is important to know that everyone grieves differently, on different timelines, and in different ways. So, if you take anything from this article, it is to hold yourself with grace and kindness as you move through your OWN grief process.

What can trigger Grief and Loss?

Anything that is a change, a transition, a loss, or an unplanned event. Here are some examples of what could trigger Grief and Loss:

  • Someone passes away
  • Moving
  • Miscarriage
  • Changing a job, school, or an experience in your normal routine
  • Loss of a pet
  • Someone else moving away
  • A relationship or friendship ending
  • Seasons changing
  • Retirement
  • Change in financial stability
  • When plans such as a vacation get canceled
  • Loss of health
  • A loved one having an illness
  • An item of value being broken
  • Loss of a cherished dream
  • Loss of safety after a trauma
  • This is not an exhaustive list!

What to expect when experiencing grief? A person can experience any or all of this list:

  • Crying
  • Worry / Anxiety / Frustration / Anger / Stress
  • Guilt
  • Confusion
  • Numbness
  • Isolation from others
  • Difficulty sleeping or eating
  • Fatigue
  • Body symptoms, such as headaches, stomach pain, nausea, tight chest, body aches and pains, etc.
  • Questioning life or spiritual beliefs
  • Feelings of detachment
  • Abnormal behavior

What are the Five Stages of Grief and Loss?

A Swiss psychiatrist named Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book called “On Death and Dying” where she gathered information from terminally ill patients which led her to define the Five Stages of Grief and Loss:

  1. Denial – “This can’t be happening” or “I don’t believe it”
  2. Anger – “Why is this happening to me”
  3. Bargaining – “I will do anything to change this” or thoughts of “If I only had done _____ , then this would not be happening”
  4. Depression – “What is the point” or “I won’t ever get through this”
  5. Acceptance – “It’s going to be OK” or “This is hard, but I can accept it”

It is important to note that these Five Stages are listed in an order that they can occur in, but they don’t have to. Some people skip or never experience one or more stages. Often people move through the stages and then re-experience certain stages when triggered by a memory or a situation.

Here are some examples of how someone could move through the Stages of Grief and Loss:

  • Denial – Anger – Depression – Anger – Acceptance
  • Anger – Bargaining – Depression – Acceptance
  • Denial – Depression – Acceptance
  • Denial – Bargaining – Anger – Bargaining – Depression – Anger – Acceptance – Depression –Acceptance
  • Anger – Denial – Depression – Anger – Depression – Acceptance – Anger – Depression –     Anger

Specifically notice from these examples that the last two showed someone getting to Acceptance, then experiencing other stages of grief and loss before returning to Acceptance. Just because we get to Acceptance does not always mean we stay there. We can be triggered by a song, picture, or a reminder, which can slip us out of Acceptance into one of the other Stages of Grief and Loss…which is a common experience. What is helpful to know is that if we experience Acceptance, even if we get triggered into one of the previous stages, we are more likely to return to it again sooner since we have already been there. Let’s take a deeper dive into each stage to better understand what happens in each of the Stages.

Denial

This stage can literally help us survive or cope with the loss. It can sometimes cause emotional numbness, shock, not believing something has happened, or result in our belief system leaning into a “preferable” reality. Denial and shock help individuals cope and survive the grief event by slowing down the event to the pace that your emotional self can take it in. It is the body’s natural defense when the mind might be thinking, “I can only handle so much at once”.

Anger

If anger comes up, then let yourself feel it. In many situations, anger is a necessary experience that helps move through the emotions that are overwhelming the system. Most people learn ways to manage their anger, but when faced with a significant event, feeling anger can be healthy and cathartic. Sometimes anger helps motivate people to take necessary action in a difficult situation. Anger can help individuals face the reality of the situation and attach to others who are also dealing with the situation.

Bargaining

In this stage, people try to cope by making deals with themselves, God, or others. This type of negotiation can give false hope. Bargaining can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt. When people have thoughts such as “What if I had only done this ______ differently, then they would still be OK” The problem is bargaining thoughts are rarely helpful, and can do more harm than good  to yourself. Understanding what bargaining is so you can notice when you are in this stage is helpful because then you can use positive self-talk to be kinder to yourself. You might need to tell yourself that you are not the cause of the incident. You might need to ask yourself the question, knowing what you know now, what you might you do differently in the future. You should be extra kind to yourself when in this stage.

Depression

Depression is the result of feeling empty, alone, lost, fearful, or other disregulating emotions when you realize something has ended or changed. In this stage, you might feel withdrawn from life, numb, emotional and cognitive fogginess, low motivation to do basic self-care, and feelings of being overwhelmed or hopeless. You might want to be alone and have space. Some people might have thoughts of self-harm or suicide with thoughts of, “What’s the point of going on?” This stage may be necessary as an outlet to feel the deep emotions that are coming up, so healing from these emotions can begin.

Acceptance

In this stage, individuals start to feel a sense of stabilization. It is not necessarily a feeling that everything is going to be okay, but more that in the midst of everything, you can be okay. This is when some people report they fully started to re-enter reality. The new situation may not be “good”, but you are able to start to figure out how to live in this new reality. Individuals go through a process of learning how to be adaptable, adjust their perspective, and often re-adjust as they get used to the change in their life. In this stage, you start to experience emotional and cognitive clarity, you are engaging more in social relationships, and you feel like you are ready to start making forward movement in life. Just because you make it to Acceptance does not necessarily mean you stay here, but each time you come here, you often get to stay longer.

The Stages of Grief and Loss can provide a sense of knowing that you are in a normal process that many people have and will experience.

What are the different kinds of Grief?

  1. Anticipatory Grief – This type of grief happens before the loss is actually experienced, such as having an aging pet, or witnessing a loved one who is terminally ill. You have not technically experienced the loss but you are experiencing the coming loss.
  2. Disenfranchised Grief – This type of grief happens when you experience a loss that is not recognized by others, it is stigmatized, minimized, or you can’t openly mourn your loss.
  1. Complicated Grief – This type of grief can result in a person feeling stuck in a state of bereavement due to an ongoing situation. An example is living in a house where the other person used to live with you and you see their stuff or have memories you shared with them in this space many times a day.

How to cope with the pain when grieving?

  1. Acknowledge your pain (to yourself and a trusted person)
  2. Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions
  3. Feel your feelings
  4. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you
  5. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you
  6. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically (eating, sleeping, hygiene)
  7. Try to maintain your hobbies and interests
  8. Don’t let anyone tell you how you feel and don’t tell yourself how to feel either

How to seek support for your grief?

  • Lean on your friends and family
  • Work with a therapist or counselor
  • Draw comfort from your faith or spirituality
  • Join a Support Group that focuses on grief and loss
  • Talk to others who have experienced a similar loss
  • Process your feelings through listening to music, journaling, making art, poetry, etc.
  • Read books or listen to podcasts about grief
  • Plan ahead.  When you know you have grief triggers such as special dates, or important milestones that might awaken the grief, be sure to engage your support system around grief triggers.

Everyone experiences grief so when you are the one grieving, reach out to others as you are not alone in your experience. Be kind to yourself. Hold yourself with grace and understanding. If you find yourself with limited support, then reach out to your local crisis lines for support.

Elizabeth Dubler-Ross Foundation

HelpGuide.org – “Coping with Grief and Loss”

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City Club of Eugene – Press Release – January 30, 2024

Jaclyn Baker
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YouthLine: Bringing Peer-to-Peer Support to Every Youth

Speakers: Dwight Holton, CEO Lines for Life, Emily Moser, YouthLine Program Director Craig Leets, YouthLine Deputy Director

Forum Sponsor: Vista Counseling and Wellness Center

Date: Friday, February 23, 2024, at noon

Location: Maple Room, Inn at the 5th, 205 East 6th Ave., Eugene, OR

Livestream: City Club of Eugene YouTube Channel

Coordinators: Betsy Pownall, Joel Korin

Content warning: This program includes discussion about suicide and its impact on the individual and the community Suicide rates in Lane County increased by 80% from 2000 to 2020, according to a report from Lane County Public Health. In 2020, the suicide rate in Lane County was 65% greater than the US average, and 21% greater than the rest of Oregon. In the small communities of Junction City, Florence, and Cottage Grove, suicide rates were twice that for all Lane County. In May 2022, it was reported that suicide rates among youth under the age of 24 had nearly doubled in Lane County. In 2021, 42% of high school students reported persistent feelings of sadness or helplessness. This crisis is especially evident in communities of color and among LGBTQ youth, where rates are rapidly increasing, there is hope. While suicide continues to be the second leading cause of death among youth in Oregon, there has been an overall reduction in youth suicide over the last three years. 

This reduction reflects Oregon’s commitment and funding to expand youth mental health and intervention programs, such as YouthLine and Lines for Life. Suicide is a public health issue, and this is a call to action. These numbers affect everyone, and everyone can help. It starts with listening. YouthLine, a service of Lines for Life, provides a peer-to-peer help, support, and crisis line for youth ages 10-24 every day of the year, with options to call, text, or chat. With call centers in Portland, Bend, and Warm Springs, YouthLine recruits upwards of 200 volunteers and interns each year to serve youth all over the country. In this program, we will cover the three core components of YouthLine: the help, support, and crisis line; youth and workforce development; and education and outreach. Additionally, speakers will discuss the top issues for which young people seek support from YouthLine and provide some tips and resources for supporting youth. Finally, our presenters will share a brief history of Lines for Life and describe the important work the organization has been doing throughout Oregon for over 30 years.

Dwight Holton is the CEO of Lines for Life, the leading suicide and substance abuse prevention non-profit in the Northwest. Lines for Life helps over 170,000 families a year with its crisis intervention and prevention services, including mental wellness promotion, advocacy, and public policy development. Mr. Holton took the reins at Lines for Life after 15 years as a federal prosecutor, most recently as United States Attorney for Oregon. He prosecuted hundreds of federal criminal cases in Oregon and Brooklyn, New York, including terrorism and violent crime, narcotics trafficking, fraud, and environmental crimes. Through his work as a prosecutor, Mr. Holton learned the importance of early intervention and prevention strategies – and as U.S. Attorney, he launched efforts to improve access to addiction treatment and better mental health services.

Mr. Holton has worked to carry Lines for Life programs and initiatives to diverse communities throughout Oregon – including a satellite YouthLine office that opened in Central Oregon in 2019. Mr. Holton has also led efforts to expand cultural engagement at Lines for Life, supporting neighborhood empowerment to build better access to mental wellness and crisis intervention services in communities of color. He serves on the boards of Salmon Safe and the Basic Rights Oregon PAC, and the Oregon Alcohol and Drug Policy Commission. 

Since 2002, he has taught classes at Lewis and Clark Northwestern School of Law in Portland. Mr. Holton lives in Southeast Portland with his wife, Mary Ellen Glynn, and their children. Emily Moser is a member of the Leadership Team for Lines for Life.  She directs YouthLine Programs and oversees the agency’s youth-related services. These include mental health education, training, and outreach; youth development and mentoring for more than 150 youth volunteers; statewide school suicide prevention; and a pilot program for online crisis support via social media. She has been on staff at Lines for Life for over a decade, with a primary focus on youth. 

Ms. Moser is a trainer in several evidence-based mental health and suicide-related programs, such as safeTALK, Youth Mental Health First Aid, and the Olweus  Bullying Prevention Program. She has also provided Crisis Intervention Training to law enforcement agencies throughout Oregon. Ms. Moser has actively participated in statewide youth development via the Oregon Alliance to Prevent Suicide and Southwest Portland Boards for youth athletics. She earned a BA from the University of Oregon in business and dance, and MAT from Lewis and Clark College, and an MPA from Portland State University. Ms. Moser spends much of her free time outdoors with the family, which includes her husband Greg, two children, three dogs, and a cat.

Craig Leets began in January 2022 as the first YouthLine Deputy Director at Lines for Life, after spending a short stint at the Oregon State Treasury and almost a decade in Higher Education, where he led LGBTQ resource centers. Much of his career has focused on advocating for minoritized communities and facilitating organizational development to create more welcoming environments for all people. 

Outside of work, Mr. Leets has served on boards for local nonprofits supporting survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. He earned an MA in Counseling and Personnel Services from the University of Maryland and a BA in Communication Studies from Chapman University. Outside of work, Mr. Leets enjoys spending time with friends and family, taking long walks, sampling localvegan food, and drinking decaf coffee from shops across Portland.

Program Sponsor:

Vista Counseling and Wellness Center is our featured sponsor for this forum, YouthLine: Bringing Peer-to-Peer Support to Every Youth. Vista Counseling strives to provide the highest level of care and service to our clients and community, helping them to remove barriers in order to reach their full potential.

About the City Club of Eugene:

The mission of the City Club of Eugene is to build community vision through open inquiry. The Club explores a wide range of significant local, state, and national issues and helps to formulate new approaches and solutions to problems. Membership is open to all, and Club members have a direct influence on public policy by discussing issues of concern with elected officials and other policymakers. The City Club mailing address is PO Box 12084, Eugene, OR 97440, and its website is cityclubofeugene.org.

Video and Broadcast:

This program will be live-streamed and will be available on the City Club of Eugene’s Facebook page and YouTube channel. Rebroadcasts and recordings will be available the Monday immediately following the program at 7:00 pm, on KLCC 89.7 FM and available later as an episode on City Club’s podcast. Visit cityclubofeugene.org for links and details.

Contact: Betsy Pownall, betsy327@comcast.net, Joel Korin, joelkorin@gmail.com

The Positive Effects of New Experiences

Jaclyn Baker
,

If you’re someone who shies away from change, the transformative science behind new experiences might just alter your perspective. While the idea of stepping outside your comfort zone may seem daunting, it explores the profound mental health benefits that come with embracing the unknown. 

From reshaping neural connections to boosting mood regulation, unravel the secrets of cognitive and emotional well-being, and explore a life of boundless possibilities. 

Rewires Your Brain

Give your brain a makeover! Novel experiences are the secret sauce that stimulates neuroplasticity. 

It’s like a brain workout, enhancing cognitive flexibility and breaking free from those negative thought patterns associated with depression. Who knew change could be so liberating?

Increases Social Interaction

Social interaction is your golden ticket to reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness often associated with depression. 

Many new experiences involve interacting with others, whether through group activities, classes, or simply sharing an experience with friends. 

Boosts Confidence: Strut Your Stuff

Conquering new challenges isn’t just about skill acquisition; it’s a confidence booster! 

Whether you’re mastering a new skill or waltzing out of your comfort zone, each positive experience adds to your self-worth and self-efficacy. It’s time to strut your stuff! 

Reduces Ruminative Thinking

People with depression tend to ruminate on negative thoughts and feelings. 

Engaging in new experiences can redirect your focus away from rumination, providing temporary relief from distressing thoughts. Time to break free from that negative thought carousel!

Helps in Focusing on the Present

Experiencing something new often requires being present in the moment. This mindfulness can help you let go of past regrets or future worries and focus on the here and now. 

Savor the here and now – it’s like a therapeutic spa day for your mind.

Inspires a Sense of Purpose

Embarking on new adventures is more than a mere change of scenery; it’s a transformative journey that can profoundly impact one’s sense of purpose. 

New experiences act as catalysts, stirring the soul and inspiring individuals to redefine their purpose. For those navigating the complexities of depression, each new encounter becomes a stepping stone toward overcoming challenges and discovering a renewed sense of joy and fulfillment.

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Embracing Joy: A Holistic Guide to Holiday Season Wellness

Jaclyn Baker
,

The holiday season is upon us, bringing with it a whirlwind of traditions, expectations, and emotions. 

For many, it’s a time of joy, connection, and celebration. Yet, navigating through this time isn’t always easy. Amidst the festivities, stress can sneak in, creating an overwhelming cloud over what should be a cheerful period.

In honor of When Difficult Relatives Happen To Good People, Leonard Felder – here’s a comprehensive guide filled with tips, experiences, and strategies!

Infuse Festive Cheer into Every Corner

Decorations can work wonders, lifting spirits and setting the holiday mood. Taking crisp outdoor walks bundled up, marveling at neighborhood lights, and indulging in homemade hot apple cider, can be simple yet powerful ways to celebrate.

Mindful Gift-Giving and Family Conversations

Planning gift-giving strategies with family members, whether through Secret Santa or charitable donations, alleviates financial and mental strain. This thoughtful approach ensures that the joy of giving isn’t overshadowed by stress.

Light Does Come Back After the Solstice on December 21st

A simple way to celebrate the natural seasonal change is to light a candle and take it into every corner of your home, welcoming the light back. This is one of my favorite personal traditions. It may seem like there’s a long dark winter left to struggle through after the holidays are over, but the truth is, the days are already getting longer. -Joanna

Prioritize Activities and Connection Over Material Things

Engaging in shared activities, planning family meals together, and fostering meaningful conversations can create lasting memories. – Annette

Coping Strategies and Self-Care Tips

Recognizing the importance of self-care and implementing strategies to counteract negative feelings is a crucial aspect of navigating the season.

Practical Tips for Holiday Preparedness

Stocking up on comforting foods and being mindful of store closures on holidays ensures that small details don’t diminish the festive spirit.

Finding Joy Amidst the Chaos

As the holiday whirlwind engulfs us, it’s essential to remember that amidst the chaos and expectations, our well-being is paramount. Prioritizing joy, connection, and self-care helps us navigate this season with grace.

Wishing you a season filled with warmth, joy, and moments that matter most. – Ash

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Holiday Survival Guide Ideas

Jaclyn Baker

The holidays can be a wonderful time, but they can also be a stressful time.   We asked our staff for their best tips for surviving the holidays.  

For a few years when my children were young, I questioned “tradition”: Things I believed I was obligated to do to “celebrate” the holiday season.  I started letting go of things for a year, to see how it impacted our family life. Some traditions returned, and some permanently disappeared. Something I let go of for good was writing and mailing Christmas cards. While I don’t get many Christmas cards anymore, I feel less stressed, less anxious, and I am able to be more fully engaged in the moment, rather than sitting and writing cards to people I may never see again. 

Once the dark nights start falling, I light candles every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. It softens the brightness and busyness of the outside world, and marks the end of one week, the beginning of the next. #wicklight

When in doubt at the holiday table where anything might be said: Talk movies, shows, and books. If you stay on the topic of the movie, show or book, you may be able to keep things calm(ish). If someone mentions something that could be a trigger, mention Succession! That’ll change the subject! 

My way of surviving the holidays is by saying ‘no’ to things so I can spend more quiet time with my family and animals. It actually feels good to stay still while the world is madly turning. 

If you feel triggered and anxious at a family gathering, go do the dishes. It works for me. 

I feel that this time of year can be so stressful. It has always helped me to think in terms of giving, especially to those in need.

How to survive the dark month of December? I get outside and exercise on a daily basis – hiking, biking or walking. My mind feels clearer, my body less anxious, and my soul, nourished.

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Rekindling a Sense of Awe

Jaclyn Baker
,

 

By: Darcy Knight

Remember when you were a kid and the world just seemed a little more amazing?  Maybe it was seeing a rainbow, splashing in a puddle, or just the ability to spend hours eagerly searching for the perfect stick, digging a giant hole in the sand, or staring in wonder at all of the bugs you can see in one shovel full of dirt. 

That feeling has a name and it is awe.  Dacher Keltner, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, and the author of Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life, defines it as the “feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your current understanding of the world.” 

But as we become adults we get more distracted by the responsibilities of life, the to-do list, the never-ending adulting.

Is it worth it to try to also fit in some time to find some positive awe in your life?  Keltner says yes, as experiencing awe can produce many positive effects. It makes us calmer, kinder, and more creative. It creates a decreased focus on the self and can therefore be at least a temporary cure for self-absorption, helping us to gain perspective.  In his book, Dr. Keltner writes that awe is critical to our well-being.  His research suggests it has health benefits that include the release of oxytocin, which promotes trust and bonding, as well as calming down the nervous system.

It increases feelings of connection to others and can increase feelings of empathy.  Experiencing awe with others can lead to an increased willingness to cooperate.  It also can increase feelings of meaning or purpose in life and can help us cope with stress and grief.

Awe can increase both spiritual feelings and scientific curiosity. 

And perhaps surprisingly, Awe is credited with increasing physical health.  Dr. Keltner found that awe activates the neurons in the spinal cord that regulate some bodily functions, as well as slows the heart rate and breathing and relieves digestion‌.

Like any new behavior, rekindling your sense of Awe does require some practice.  But teaching yourself to engage in awe-awareness in your daily life can have great benefits. Try one of these ideas starting today 

  • Get out in nature–one of the most common sources of awe is nature.  It is both the vastness that shows us something that is so much bigger than ourselves as well as the often unfathomable beauty. Leave your electronics at home and practice losing yourself in the world around you. Notice the sun shining through the trees, the smell of the outdoors, the songs of the birds.
  • Hang out with a child–Children have not lost their sense of awe about everyday things yet.  Spending time in their world will help you see all that can be amazing in your everyday life.
  • Listen to music–there is a reason that your favorite song can instantly change your mood.  Music elicits emotions that may be harder to access on their own.
  • Explore Google’s Art Emotions Map, which has images meant to elicit emotions.
  • Slow down and take notice of your daily tasks.  Notice the smell of your coffee or tea, the beautiful light at sunset as you are cooking dinner, the moment of joy you feel upon completing a project, or the way it feels to connect with others in your life.

Take a moment to rediscover the awe in your life!

Resources for Rekindling Awe

The Power of Wonder: The extraordinary emotions that will change the way you live, love and Lead

50 Simple Ways to Bring a Sense of Awe into Your Life

Six ways to incorporate awe into your life

Awe-spotting: 5 ways finding awe can transform your life

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Practical Tips For Greater Happiness

Jaclyn Baker
,

In life, you often face challenges that can cast long shadows of anxiety and despair. But what if you could alter your perceptions and responses to these difficulties? What if you could rewrite the script of your inner dialogue, transforming it from self-doubt to empowerment?

With these impactful ways, you can steer your mindset towards positivity and embark on a journey that can redefine your reality and lead to a happier, more fulfilling life. 

Embrace the Power of Gratitude

Discover how the simple act of counting your blessings can unleash a flood of feel-good hormones, like dopamine, and shift your thoughts away from negativity.  

From the simple joys of using your senses to the profound blessings of food, shelter, and cherished connections, gratitude can redirect your thoughts away from negativity.

Pursue Passions and Conquer Challenges

Delve headfirst into activities that kindle the flames of your passion and bring boundless joy. Whether it’s your vocation, creative pursuits, or fitness goals, directing your energies toward what you love can be an enduring wellspring of happiness. Just be mindful to maintain equilibrium with your other life obligations.

Furthermore, perceive the challenges in your path as opportunities for personal growth and discovery. 

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Tips on Talking to Loved Ones in DV Relationship

Jaclyn Baker
,

By: Betsy Pownall 

It is difficult to know what to say when someone shares that they are in an abusive relationship. Whether it be a friend, family member, client, there is this moment of pause~the thought of ‘how I respond right now will really matter’. Here are some tips on what to, and not do to/say when someone discloses this vulnerable fact of their lives. This information is from WomenSpace (now Hope and Safety Alliance). 

What to say:

“I’m sorry this has happened (or is happening) to you.”

Acknowledge you have heard what has been said, that you heard it and are listening. Acknowledge the courage it takes to disclose abuse and the strength it takes to survive. This is your opportunity to empathize.

“No one deserves to be abused.”

This is a universal statement and an opportunity to connect with the survivor.

“It’s not your fault.”

Don’t minimize the violence or blame the victim. The batterer is accountable and responsible for his/her choices and behaviors.

“You are not alone.”

Violence in relationships is a widespread social problem, yet the victim often feels very alone. By generalizing, we can help the survivor understand that the abuse is not about who they are or what they did but about their partner’s attempt to maintain power and control.

“There is help.”

Empower the survivor by offering information choices, safe space and support. 

What not to say/do:

  1. Give advice.
  2. Change the subject.
  3. Ask trivial questions.
  4. Intellectualize the problem.
  5. Become emotional.
  6. Make decisions for them.
  7. Be evasive or elusive.
  8. Handle everything yourself.
  9. Ask ‘why’ questions.
  10. Pity them.
  11. Indulge in silly witticisms.
  12. Become insensitive or cold.
  13. Cut communication.
  14. Be judgmental or rejecting.
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3 Tips to Level Up Your Zen Game

Jaclyn Baker
, ,

We’ve all been there—tapping our feet impatiently while waiting for a response, or feeling like time is slipping away as we await a much-desired opportunity. But what if we told you that patience is a skill you can nurture and cultivate, just like any other?

But here’s the thing: your ability to practice patience isn’t solely about waiting; it’s about understanding the balance between your desires and the timing of life’s rewards. Unrealistic optimism, while motivating, can sometimes set you up for disappointment with its lofty expectations.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself wrestling with the clock or struggling to keep calm during those seemingly endless moments of waiting, read on. It’s time to reclaim your patience! 

Tip #1 – Embrace the Unknown

Patience starts with embracing uncertainty. It might seem daunting, but guess what? We’re naturally better at handling it than we think, especially when eagerly waiting for something we truly desire. The truth is, it’s the desire that makes waiting easier.

When this happens, focus on what you can influence, take a step back to ponder your reactions, and finally let go of any restlessness you feel.

Remember, there’s usually a silver lining if you’re willing to look for it!

Tip #2 – Keep It Real

Are you a self-proclaimed perfectionist whose patience takes a nosedive when things don’t go as planned?  We’ve all been there! The moment life throws a curveball, impatience swoops in, disrupting your mood and the harmony of your surroundings.

You hold the key to transforming impatience into a superpower! 

By adopting mindful goal setting, practicing open communication, and embracing adaptability, you can shift your perspective, set realistic expectations, and transform impatience into a force for balance and harmonious connections. 

Tip #3 – Transform Your Attachment Style 

Do you often find yourself seeking constant reassurance from others, leading to impatience? Then, work on your attachment style to break free from this cycle! 

Seeking external validation can lead to dependency and reduced self-soothe. To transform insecurity into safety, be aware of your thoughts and responses to discomfort, and be curious about your own responses.

You can nurture patience even in stressful situations by pausing, reflecting, and consciously introspecting. So, let’s embark on this journey of self-discovery and unleash the power of patience within! 



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Connected Loneliness

Jaclyn Baker

By: Christina Bein   

Have you grown up observing that talking about feelings are reserved for a certain range of emotions? Humans are born with the ability to express a set of primary emotions in their early life. This includes joy, sadness, fear, surprise, anger, and disgust. All emotions can be linked back to these primary ones (see emotions wheel). In a lot of societies, it’s appropriate and easier to talk about feelings linked to joy, surprise, and disgust. It’s acceptable to share happiness and celebrate with someone. It’s OK to feel surprised about something unexpected. It’s also somewhat more normalized to say when something is displeasing. 

These are surface level experiences that society is comfortable acknowledging. When it comes to the other primary emotions, it becomes harder to share. This makes it more difficult to be authentic. It also makes it challenging for people to learn to understand, how to be empathetic, and hold space for what is perceived as “uncomfortable” emotions.

In many cultures the feelings of fear, sadness, and anger are taught to be repressed. This makes it harder to be connected to one’s genuine and vast range of responses to life. 

Generally viewing history, the aforementioned repressed feelings were associated with weakness (not valued to help with survival) and has generationally been pervasive as teachings through the greater expanse of lineages. The following generations interpret how they are not welcomed or given a safe space to talk about what they are struggling with, or that their feelings are just “too much.” This creates disconnect and loneliness.

The feeling of loneliness coupled with negative thoughts builds the idea that no one can understand that we do not want to burden others with this struggle. It leads to isolation. 

When a person is alone with a persistent negative narrative it can start to seem like no one can help. This negative thought loop is like running in a hamster wheel. It goes nowhere productive, just stuck and suspended in one place that feels terrible. The way through loneliness and despair is to get unstuck from that hamster wheel, to reach out for a lifeline. Talking to someone else that is trustworthy and can kindly hold space for feelings is a great resource to interrupt the negative thought loop. 

Effort is a required initiative in making social connections, and positive relationships are an effective aspect of overcoming depression.

It’s OK to Ask for Help

Not everyone may be well equipped to hold space for the myriad of human experiences, but there are trained people who can be helpful. Here’s a start on where to find them. Explore options to seek support from a mental health therapist. It’s great to start with your insurance provider to find in-network providers. Or explore local agencies and practices to see if they are accepting new clients or sign up to be on their waitlist.

Call or Text 988 to reach the Suicide Prevention Hotline

It’s a 24/7 service with trained crisis counselors to provide compassionate support.

Walk-in Crisis Clinics

Portland, OR: Cascadia Urgent Walk-In Clinic. It’s open 7 days a week, Monday-Friday

from 7am to 9pm. Saturday-Sunday from 9am-9pm.

Located at 4212 SE Division, Suite 100, Portland, OR 97206. Call at (503) 963-2575.

Eugene, OR: Hourglass Community Crisis Center. It’s open 24 hours a day from Monday-

Friday and 8am-12am from Saturday-Sunday.

Located at 2443, 71 Centennial Loop suite a, Eugene, OR 97401. Call at (541) 505-8426.

Both offer mental health crisis care from trained professionals that can also connect people with further needed supportive services.

Become familiar with your local mental health Mobile Crisis Services like:

Portland, OR: Project Respond | 503-988-4888

Eugene, OR: CAHOOTS | (541) 682-5111

Trained crisis mental health professionals go out into the community, to the location of the distressed person in need of supportive mental health services. This is also a service that people can call to support someone they care about.

Inpatient hospitalization for mental or behavioral health:

Portland, OR: Unity Behavioral Health. Open 24/7.

Located at 1225 NE 2nd Ave, Portland, OR 97232. Call at (503) 944-8000.

Eugene, OR: Inpatient Behavioral Health at PeaceHealth Sacred Heart Medical Center

University District. Open 24/7.

Located at 770 E 11th Avenue Eugene, OR 97401. Call at (458) 205-7013.

Voluntary inpatient hospitalization for mental health crisis, especially when one is at risk of hurting oneself.

Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP):

Is a short-term and therapeutic psychiatric treatment program that functions within a group setting to support safety, stability, and helpful coping.

Several hospitals provide IOP services. It would be beneficial to check with your insurance provider to see which program location would be in-network. Otherwise, contact your local hospital or medical clinic for program inquiry.

You don’t have to be alone. Explore how you can get connected.



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U.S. Suicides Hit All-Time High in 2022

Jaclyn Baker

By: Betsy Pownall

Three weeks ago the Center for Disease Control posted the number of completed suicides in the United States in 2022. About 49,500 people took their lives last year, the highest number in our history. It is suggested that the United States suicide rate is “more common in the U.S. than at any time since the dawn of World War II”.

Suicide is complicated and a range of factors are driving the rates up, such as depression and availability of mental health services. The nation’s gun suicide rate was the highest last year, and for the first time, Black teen suicide rates surpassed white teens, researchers at Johns Hopkins Unviversity discovered.

The largest increases are in adults, ages 45-65 and more than 8% in people 65 and older. White men, in particular, have high rates. The CDC is expanding a suicide program to fund more prevention in communities through schools and community agencies.

There has been more than an 8% drop in suicides in people ages 10-24 in 2022, which could be because of the increased attention being paid to youth and adolescent mental health.

Read the article here: US suicides hit an all-time high last year – AP News

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How The Beach Can Support Your Mental Health

Jaclyn Baker
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Sandcastles, crashing waves, and the smell of salty air—it’s an instant recipe for relaxation. But have you ever wondered what makes the beach such an excellent place for mental health? Well, let’s spill the seashell secrets! 

Water, sun, and air – all of these natural elements offer some form of mental health benefits that help the mind unwind and create the perfect backdrop for social gatherings. So, whether you’re a sunbather, a sandcastle architect, or simply someone who enjoys the serenity of the shore, there’s science behind that beachy bliss. 

Breathe In, Bliss Out

Turns out, fresh air isn’t just good for your lungs—it’s a secret elixir for your mind and soul too! It’s time to wave goodbye to stuffy indoor spaces and unlock the magic of the beach. 

Researchers have uncovered that outdoor activities have a more potent impact on mental health than indoor ones. That daily jog through the park or a leisurely stroll on the beach could be your shortcut to a happier mind. From birds chirping to the waves crashing on the shore, every moment spent outdoors is an opportunity to soak in positive vibes.

Now, swap your office desk for a picnic blanket, or bring your yoga mat to the garden for an invigorating session of downward dogs!

Embrace The Zen Life By The Shore 

The beach isn’t just for sunbathing and sandcastles—it’s a mindfulness playground!  

The sand, the sun, the waves – it’s all a reminder of Earth’s touch. Wiggle your toes into the sand, let the golden spotlight shine on your skin, and embark on a mindfulness adventure with the ocean’s lullaby.

Each scene, each sensation—it’s an invitation to be fully present.

Enjoy Sun, Sand, And Team Spirit 

Volleyball, football, soccer – you name it, the beach has it. And guess what? These games aren’t just about scoring points; they’re about building connections too. High-fives after a great play, shared laughs during a friendly match – these moments are more than just fun; they’re building blocks for new connections.

Bring your A-game, and don’t forget your sunscreen – you’re about to have the time of your life and create unforgettable memories!

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