friendship

A Guide to Creating Genuine Friendships in a Busy World

Have you ever met someone you instantly clicked with? This spark of friendship usually comes from a reflection of mutual openness and presence. The right energy, intention, and intimacy can form faster than you think when talking to new people with intention.Ā 

Fast connections don’t have to mean shallow. Whether you’re meeting someone new, deepening a friendship, or strengthening your romantic bond – you can discover how to create closeness and relate to others quickly:

Start With Emotional Honesty

Vulnerability can be a great way to open up to others, allowing them to feel comfortable doing the same. It’s not about oversharing, but showing up and being authentically you. Try replacing small talk questions with more vulnerable ones like, ā€œWhat’s been on your mind lately?ā€ or ā€œWhat was a highlight of your week?ā€ It encourages both of you to share your unfiltered selves and speak on a deeper level.Ā 

Mirror, Listen, and Validate

When people feel seen, they feel a sense of closeness. That’s why practicing active listening allows you to truly hear someone. For example, if someone you meet tells you about a recent accomplishment, you can mirror their sentiment by saying, ā€œIt sounds like you felt really proud of that moment,ā€ and validate their emotions by saying, ā€œThat must have taken a lot of courage.ā€ It tells the other person that you understand where they’re coming from.Ā 

Slow Down and Be Present

Genuine curiosity and unhurriedness to get to know someone better make a difference. People can tell when you care about what they’re saying, are giving your full attention, and encouraging them to share more because you actually want to know more. Communicating the message that you’re here with them and intrigued can grow your connection.Ā 

Final Thoughts

Emotional intimacy isn’t about the speed of an interaction, but about the depth of attention you give within it. When you lead with empathy, kindness, and curiosity, you can create friendships that feel like they’ve existed for years.

After all, true connection is not about how much time you know the other person, but about how willing you are to see and be seen.

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Women’s History Month – Let’s Celebrate Women in Therapy

By: Tanya Kramer

In light of Women’s History Month, it seems like a good time to reflect on prominent names of women who often get missed when discussing the history and evolution of therapy.Ā 

Below is not an exhaustive list, but it will expand your knowledge of women who have or continue to directly impact the counseling world. You will find a brief description of their impact and you can learn more about each one by doing your own research or by clicking on the links at the end of this list.

  • Mary Ainsworth – demonstrated the importance of healthy childhood attachments, created the ā€œStrange Situationā€ assessment, and increased understanding around attachment styles.
  • Eleanor Maccoby – focused on developmental psychology, pioneered the psychology of gender roles.
  • Anna Freud – influenced Erik Erikson’s work, created the concept of defense mechanisms, and expanded the field of child psychology (yes, this is Sigmund Freud’s daughter)/
  • Martha Bernal – first woman of Mexican descent to earn a doctoral degree in psychology (1962), researcher on how the mind and body interact, championed efforts to study Latino Psychology and mental health issues in minority populations.
  • E. Kitch Childs – in 1969 she opened her practice to marginalized populations including the LGBTQIA+ community, people living with AIDS, etc., she researched Black women and how incorporating feminism into therapy could empower them.
  • Jean Lau Chin – explored assumptions about gender and race, her work in leadership styles, diversity, and women’s issues influenced governmental policies regarding cultural competency.
  • Jennifer Eberhart – studied how subliminal images trigger racial stereotypes and affect what people see, her work on understanding how people code and categorize others according to race has helped highlight stereotypes in policing and schools.
  • Tsuruko Haraguchi – pioneered research on mental fatigue, first Japanese woman to receive a doctoral degree in any subject area.
  • Ruth Howard – conducted groundbreaking child development research including a specific study called ā€œA Study of the Development of Tripletsā€ (included 229 sets of triplets including many ethnic groups) resulting in her career focusing on the underserved communities.
  • Marigold Linton – cognitive psychology research focusing on how long the brain can retain information, first indigenous woman in the United States to receive a doctoral degree in psychology.
  • Inez Prosser – her study called ā€œThe Nonacademic Development of Negro Children in Mixed and Segregated Schoolsā€ helped initiate discussion about school desegregation, one of the first Black women to earn a doctoral degree in psychology.
  • Mary Whiton Calkins – navigated completing all doctorate requirements at Harvard but was refused a degree because she was a woman, developed the ā€œpaired-associationā€ technique, she was the first female president of the American Psychological Association.
  • Maria Root – researches trauma, eating disorders, multiracial identities, and feminist therapy, created the ā€œBill of Rights for Mixed Heritageā€ to affirm mixed race identity, she is a trailblazer in the study of multiracial individuals.
  • Alberta Turner – a leading voice in the study of mental health disorders and juvenile delinquency, a civil rights activist who dedicated her career to implementing reforms in the criminal justice field.
  • Leta Stetter Hollingworth – did research on intelligence, gifted children, and women, proving that women were as capable as men ā€œregardless of what time of the month it isā€.
  • Karen Horney – refuted Freud’s ideas, brought increased attention on the psychology of women, and introduced the ā€œtheory of neurotic needā€ meaning people are able to take a personal role in their own mental health.
  • Ursula Bellugi – pioneering researcher in language and the effects on the nervous system, demonstrated how American Sign Language (ALS) draws on many of the same areas of the brain as spoken language.
  • Melanie Klein – contributions to the field of play therapy, discovered how children communicate through play.
  • Mamie Phipps Clark – developed the ā€œClark Dollā€ test, researched racism’s impact on Black children, and played an important role in the famous 1954 Brown vs. Board of Education case.
  • Florence Denmark – research on violence, prejudice, stereotyping, ethnicity, and gender earned her the role as the leading representative to the United Nations for the International Council of Psychologists and the APA, a founding member of the Association for Women in Psychology in 1969.
  • Naomi Weisstein – her paper called ā€œPsychology Constructs the Femaleā€ helped launch the meeting of feminism and academic psychology, a founding member of the Association for Women in Psychology in 1969.
  • Bluma Zeigarnik – established the ā€œZeigarnik Effectā€ defined by how people have the tendency to remember information for unfinished tasks while erasing them from memory once the task is done.
  • Margaret Floy Washburn – first woman to earn a PhD in psychology, made strides in the fields of animal cognition and motor theory.
  • Marie Jahoda – trailblazer in the study of racial prejudice, positive mental health, and authoritarian personalities, studied the psychological impact of unemployment, she developed the theory of the ā€œIdeal Mental Healthā€.
  • Rosa Katz – co-wrote ā€œConversations with Childrenā€ which chronicled more than 150 conversations with children which provided a foundation for the psychology of learning
  • Elizabeth Koppitz – wrote several books that influenced the psychoeducational assessment of children, involved in creation of the ā€œBender Gestalt Test for Young Childrenā€ and the ā€œPsychological Evaluation of Children’s Human Figure Drawingsā€ which are related to learning disabilities and exceptional education
  • Virginia Satir – recognized for her approach to family therapy by pioneering the field of family reconstruction, created the ā€œVirginia Satir Change Process Model.
  • Kay Redfield Jamison – work centers on bipolar disorder, authored a number of books about mood disorders, suicide, mania, depression, named by Time Magazine as a ā€œHero of Medicineā€ as a clinical psychologist.
  • Carol Gilligan – originator of ā€œThe Ethics of Careā€, best known for her work on ethical community and ethical relationships, in 1996 she was named by Time as one of America’s top 25 most influential people.
  • Francine Shapiro – originated and developed eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) which is a form of psychotherapy for resolving the symptoms of traumatic and other disturbing life experiences.
  • Julie Schwartz Gottman – co-founder of the Gottman Institute which is an organization dedicated to strengthening relationships through research based products and programs, co-creator of the ā€œSound Relationship House Theoryā€
  • Jennifer Lynn Eberhardt – investigates and researches the psychological association between race and crime which reveals the extent to which racial imagery and judgments impact our culture and society, specifically in the domain of criminal justice.

Learn More About These Women:Ā 

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Friendship Resources

By: Jen Champion

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candleĀ will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” – Buddha.

Do you want to deepen your listening skills, carefully articulate clear communications, and foster compassion and friendliness?

Bring yourself and a friend to our online and in-person Friendship Share, July 24-Ā 28.

No experience is needed; everyone is welcome. Practice in a chair, on a mat on theĀ floor or both.

Our collective inspiration will lead us through improvisational and guidedĀ movements.

We will develop and practice an herb meditation and close with a gong glow. Ā You will be surprised when you relax in the arms of a loved one.Ā You are indeed your best friend.Ā 

Register Here

Class DescriptionĀ 

Upcoming Opportunity this Fall: Choose 2-6 people for your group practice.

Schedule the date and time for your group to practice. (cannot be during ourĀ scheduled classes)

We love to travel! Invite us to your workplace, farm, family gathering, parade, or event.

Our Group and Team Spirit classes are a great way to share and grow.

Also offered online for team members working in various locations.

Questions? Contact Jen: jchampion@vistapsych.com

Leave a message for Jen at 541-517-9733

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Behind The Chemistry of Friendships

Have you ever wondered why you’ve clicked so well with someone right away? Or what drew you to your current friendships?Ā 

The chemistry behind friendships gives you a window into why you may surround yourself with the people in your life.

Forming Bonds

Believe it or not, strong connections can form through close proximity, shared life stages, or shared interests. Being close to someone who shares the same taste in music, shares your same humor, or has gone through similar experiences can all set the foundation for friendship.Ā 

Creating Chemistry

If you’ve felt an unexplainable pull from the friends in your life, there may be a scientific reason. Social scientists have considered the “mere-exposure effect” as a factor. When you have the chance to constantly be around another person, whether through school, work or in your community, you can grow familiar with their presence.Ā 

Good Impressions

It’s no secret that some friendships begin in an instant. That’s why science indicates that you can be “in sync” with those you tend to see similarities with. During the first impression of a person, it’s not unusual to get a sense of who they are. In fact, findings suggested that a decision to start a friendship can begin as early as just meeting a person.Ā 

 

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Best Friends Day

Did you know that June 8th is Best Friends Day? It’s a time to celebrate the social connections we have made as well as recognize the benefits that building strong social connections has on our lives.

It’s no secret that friends do so much for us–spending time together, celebrating the good times, and comforting us in the hard times. But having a social connection is also beneficial for our well-being and mental health.

Friends can:

  • Boost happiness and reduce your stress.Ā 
  • Improve self-confidence and self-worth.Ā 
  • Increase your purpose.Ā 
  • Help you cope with challenges you may face.Ā 

On this day we can also remind ourselves of the power of social connection. Research indicates that a lack of human connection can be more harmful to your health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure. The pandemic has decreased our in-person connection while also increasing our online interactions.Ā  While technology can help to connect us in new ways, excessive screen use also disconnects us from nature, from our own thoughts, and from others. We need face-to-face interaction in our lives and losing that piece of our society over the last two years has not been healthy.

If you are searching for ways to expand your social connections and make new friends, try some of these suggestions from the Canadian Mental health Association

  • Join a new club, or try out a group activity
  • Reach out to an old friend you’ve lost touch with
  • Volunteer for a cause you care about
  • Eat lunch in a communal space
  • Introduce yourself to your neighbours
  • Ask someone for help when you need it
  • Do a random act of kindness

Now is the time to check in with friends and acquaintances and let them know that they are important to you.Ā 

For more resources, check out the links below.Ā 

7 Thoughtful Ways to Celebrate National Best Friends Day

Connect With Others | Mental Health America

The Power of Friendship

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World Kindness Day – November 13th

November 13th is World Kindness Day!Ā 

This international holiday was created to highlight and encourage good deeds in your community and to remind us that simple acts of kindness have great power.Ā  Let your friends, family, and even strangers know that you appreciate them.Ā  Saying thank you for an act of kindness can improve someone’s day. This day was created to help you realize that you can make a difference, one act at a time.

Here are some ideas for acts of kindness that you can try from inspirekindness.com.

  • Smile when you walk by others
  • Write positive messages on post-it notes and leave them for people to find
  • Call a relative you haven’t spoken to in a whileĀ 
  • Pick up trash you see on the ground outside and throw it in a garbage can
  • Hold the door open for someone
  • Chat with a stranger and ask them about their day
  • Pay for a stranger’s coffee or meal
  • Compliment someone
  • Send a positive or encouraging text to five people in your contacts
  • Surprise someone with flowers
  • Tell a family member or friend you love them
  • Write a note on the receipt at a restaurant for your serverĀ 
  • Offer to help with someone’s errands
  • Give a surprise gift to someone you care about
  • Send a kind card or note to a friend
  • Surprise co-workers with home-baked cookies or treats
  • Plant a tree
  • Spend less time on your phone and more time with people you care about
  • Organize a workplace giving campaign
  • Offer a classmate help with homework
  • Talk to someone new
  • Practice gratitude
  • Volunteer
  • Give someone a hug

Ā A small act of kindness can go a long way.Ā 

For more information and ideas, check out these websites:

https://nationaltoday.com/world-kindness-day/

https://inspirekindness.com/world-kindness-day

Getting to Know The Real You

Whether you realize it or not, you are constantly changing.

You are not the same person you were this time last year.

As time goes on, our values, goals, and ideas tend to evolve.Ā 

You should never force yourself to participate in something that doesn’t feel right.Ā 

But at the same time, you can never know how you feel about something unless you try (sometimes more than once).Ā 

Setting Goals

Setting new goals and diving back into older ones can teach us a lot about ourselves.

Imagining your future self is just as important as discovering your present self.

Where would you like to be five years from now?

What can you start doing today that will help you get there?

We can’t expect great things to magically fall in our laps.Ā 

We have to put the work in to make those dreams a reality.Ā 

Describe Yourself

How would you describe yourself to a complete stranger?

Would you start listing your personality traits, family, goals, job, all of the above?

You are so much more than your job or your hobbies.Ā 

Every single piece of you makes you who you are.Ā 

List Your Values

What do you value in others and yourself?Ā 

Do you care about community, authenticity, generosity?

Take a moment to write down the values you cherish in life.Ā 

Putting these values down on paper can help you look at them in a new way and help them feel more tangible.Ā 

Keep in mind – this list does not have to be a set-in-stone thing.

You can easily add new items to the list or even erase some as time goes on.Ā 

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6 Hacks to Transform Your Work From Home Routine

When you work from home, there will always be little distractions that pop up.Ā 

Everything from kids to pets to dirty dishes can be very distracting and take up a lot of time and energy.

Oh, and let’s not forget about social media and the TV! If you’re ready to say goodbye to those distractions, you are in the right place.Ā 

Set Fixed Hours

Working from home does give us a lot more flexibility hours wise, which can be both a good and bad thing.

Have you ever had one of those days where you were in the zone and the day just flew by? As much as we love those days, they can also throw us a little off course.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go above and beyond.

But at the same time, life is all about balance.

Working unrealistic hours is not healthy, and can lead to frustration and burnout.

Study Your Creativity

We all have our own focus styles. Some of us are more creative in the afternoon, while others are more creative in the mornings. As we stated earlier, working from home does give us a lot of flexibility.

If you prefer doing difficult tasks that require a lot of creativity in the morning, then plan your day around those tasks. That way, you can spend your afternoons doing more mundane tasks such as catching up on emails.Ā 

Let Your Family Know When You’re in Meetings

Almost all of us have had our children interrupt a very important meeting at least once.

The only thing is, that sometimes it can be tricky to get back into the zone after being interrupted. The next time you have an important meeting or strict deadline, don’t be afraid to give your family a heads up first.Ā 

Spend Time Outside

Getting out of the house at least once a day is so important for our overall creativity and energy levels. You can take a walk around the block or read a book on your porch.Ā 

Get Organized

ā€œFor every minute spent in organizing, an hour is earned.ā€ – Benjamin Franklin

When we have so much going on, it can be tough to know where to even begin. Writing out all of your to-do’s in order of importance can help prevent a lot of guesswork and decision making during the day.

Take Plenty of Email Breaks

Don’t get us wrong – email is an incredible thing.

However, you don’t want to become glued to your inbox. Replying to emails can be incredibly time consuming and exhausting.

Yes, some emails are urgent – but not all of them!Ā 

Before answering an email, ask yourself if the email can wait a few hours, or if it needs to be taken care of right away. Prioritizing your email correspondents can potentially save you hours, if not more every month.

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You Can Still Network During COVID-19 – Here’s How

Networking events are a fantastic way to meet like-minded people, grow your network and hand out business cards.Ā 

As you know, in-person networking events and conferences have been put on hold for almost nine months now.

Just because we can’t actually get together with people face-to-face does not mean networking is off the table.Ā 

We just have to go about it in a slightly different way.Ā 

Keep on reading to learn how you can safely network during COVID-19.

Log Into Zoom Events Early:

Several speakers have been organizing virtual events via Zoom during the pandemic.

However, having solid one on one conversations via Zoom events isn’t always an option.

That is if you join the event on time…

A great way to sneak in some one on one time with the speaker is by attending the event 5 – 10 minutes early.

Chances are, the speaker will already be logged in to ensure everything is set up correctly.

You can take that opportunity to introduce yourself and even ask them a question if they have time.Ā 

Follow Up:

Forming solid relationships takes time, energy and effort.

The simple act of following up only takes a few minutes but delivers results!Ā 

Keep in mind, your follow up techniques don’t have to be fancy.Ā 

A couple of days after the first meeting, you can send them a short and sweet email thanking them for their time and advice.

And about 2 – 4 weeks later, you can email them again to touch-base.

Be Active On Social Media:

Posting on social media is amazing, but it’s not always enough to form solid relationships with like-minded people.

Networking online does take some time and energy, but it will be well worth it in the long run.

Taking even 10 minutes out of your day to like and comment on popular content can help get your name out there.Ā 

Don’t be afraid to start conversations with people who don’t know. Every friendship and business relationship has to start somewhere!

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When to Call and When to Text

Here’s something for you to think about.

How many hours a week do you think you spend talking on the phone?

And how many hours a week do you think you spend texting?

Chances are you spend many more hours a week texting. And you are not the only one. Texting is very easy, and you can reply basically whenever you’d like. While talking on the phone requires you to be completely present.

These past several months, most of us have been texting a lot more than usual.Ā 

Texting has been one of the easiest ways to stay in touch with friends and family while social distancing.

The only thing is, texting is not always enough.

Of course, texting friends and family is far better than having no communication at all.

But there’s something special about hearing someone’s voice and/or seeing their face.

Sometimes text messages can get misunderstood or lost in our inbox.Ā 

Here’s an example. Have you ever vented to a friend via text after a bad day and didn’t get the response you were looking for?

Maybe you felt like they didn’t understand. Or maybe you felt like you weren’t there for you.

Chances are, your friend didn’t fully understand the situation or misread something in your text.

Phone calls make it much easier to get your point across and clearly communicate emotions.Ā 

Don’t get us wrong. Texting is great too.

It’s a very practical and easy way to pass on a quick message or confirm small details.

But solely relying on texting can make it much harder to maintain strong and healthy social connections during COVID.

Simply picking up the phone and calling a friend just to chat can go a long way.

Typing is one thing. Voices are another.Ā 

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What Scientists Have To Say About Boredom And The Brain

Think about it. Your brain never gets a day off.Ā  Every single day our brain works hard to listen, make decisions, and keep us safe. The brain is so devoted to protecting us that it never takes a break.

Even when we’re sleeping, our brain is still running. Keep in mind that getting enough sleep is extremely important for our brain, and it’s health.Ā When we don’t get enough sleep, the brain can’t function properly, which can lead to problems down the line. Believe it or not, sleep isn’t the only gift you can give your brain.Ā 

Wondering what the other gift is?

If you guessed embracing boredom, you are correct!

Benefits of Embracing BoredomĀ 

The idea of sitting down and doing nothing can seem quite counterintuitive. However, it can actually work wonders on our productivity.

When we are constantly on the go, we are much more likely to experience burnout and decision fatigue.

Several studies show that boredom can increase productivity and creativity.Ā 

Just Be

When life gets busy sometimes, we can forget to take a minute to just be and do nothing.Ā 

Many famous writers have said their best ideas have come to them while taking a shower or organizing the house.Ā  It just goes to show how powerful the brain can be, and how ideas can come to us anytime. So many of us have a daily to-do list. But, it may be time to think outside the box and start a to-be-list.Ā 

Taking a casual walk around the block or stretching for as little as 5 minutes a day can make a huge difference!Ā What are you waiting for? It’s time to embrace boredom and give your brain the rest it needs. Learn More