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The Highly Sensitive Person (Book Summary)

Darcy Knight

Vista therapist Ben Heifetz, LMFT, LPC provides a compelling summary of Elaine Aron‘s book “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.” Backed by a solid body of scientific research, the book describes how highly sensitive people experience the world differently and what they can do to embrace their trait and live well.   

  • Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are common but in the minority, making up about 20% of the human population, and they are equally represented in both men and women.  However, HSPs make up about 50% of clients in therapy!  One reason for this is that HSPs are impacted more strongly than non-HSPs by difficult childhoods and are more prone to depression and anxiety.
  • High sensitivity, also known scientifically as Sensory-Processing Sensitivity (SPS), is a genetic trait that has been found in over 100 species in addition to humans.  The trait likely developed as a type of survival strategy.
  • The components of high sensitivity can be described by the acronym DOES:
    • Depth of Processing means that HSPs think more deeply and consider more information and nuances than non-HSPs.  This lends certain advantages but can also lead to overthinking and indecision.
    • Overstimulation is common for HSPs because noticing all the details and shades of meaning can feel like quite a lot, especially when the situation is intense, complicated, or lengthy in duration.
    • E is for both Emotional Reactivity (HSPs react more strongly to both positive and negative experiences) and Empathy (HSPs are highly attuned to the feelings of others and actually have stronger mirror neuron systems in their brains).
    • Sensing the Subtle means that HSPs literally perceive more of the details and small variations of information than non-HSPs.  This is likely due to processing the sensory information more carefully in the brain rather than differences in the sensory organs themselves.  This ability leads to qualities such as strong intuition but also contributes to how HSPs can become easily over aroused.  
  • In American culture, HSPs frequently receive the message that they are too sensitive and there is something wrong with them for feeling and experiencing the world the way they do.  Thus, healing for HSPs involves accepting their biologically innate trait, learning to appreciate the advantages of sensitivity, and reframing past experiences in light of their new understanding.  HSPs also need more rest and periods of low-stimulation than non-HSPs.

Curious if you’re highly sensitive?  Take the self test HERE

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When’s The Last Time You Had a Great Laugh?

Jaclyn Baker
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Have you ever had one of those days where everything that could go wrong did?

You set your alarm for the wrong time…

Ran out of your favorite cereal…

And forgot to wash your only fancy shirt to wear to that important meeting…

Yup – those days are not fun, but we have them. 

When you want to lighten the mood, sometimes the best thing you can do is laugh it off. 

How, you may ask? Keep on reading. 

Change The Story You Tell Yourself

It isn’t always so easy to turn an embarrassing or tough situation around, but laughter has the power to boost our mood and change our perspective.

When something doesn’t go as planned, we have two choices.

We can either feel bad about it and let it impact our day.

Or, we can say to ourselves, “Yes – that happened, and everything is going to be okay. Let’s look for the humor in the situation.”

You Can Take On Anything

With laughter comes perspective. 

Sure, maybe you took a wrong turn and got lost, or accidentally spilled coffee all over your desk…

But we’re all human, and sometimes the unexpected happens. 

And you know what else? Those unexpected events usually turn out to be the best stories and memories. Being able to laugh at yourself and try again can give you a brand new sense of confidence. 

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.” – Barry Humphries

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Changing The Way You Look At Goal Setting

Jaclyn Baker
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How many times have you started a goal just to end up forgetting about it a few weeks in? 

Instead of waiting for a special occasion, like New Year’s or your birthday to start that new project – just start and see what happens. 

Be Intentional 

Hitting the refresh button and starting all over again can be tempting, but often, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Creating a habit or a routine takes more than hoping that things will change once that day comes. 

Instead of resolutions, try setting intentions. 

Intentions give you some more wiggle room and can take some of that pressure off.

An intention like “I will be more patient with others” gives you a less strict guideline that you can grow on more and more each day.

Put a Plan In Place

Making a solid plan could be the secret to making your goal become a reality. 

Take your intentions even further by breaking them down into small steps.

For example, if you want to learn a new language, you will need to get familiar with the basics first. 

After all, anything worthwhile doesn’t happen overnight. 

Prepare For Distractions

As much as you plan, sometimes life can get in the way. 

When plans pivot, let them!

 It’s okay to skip a day or two when you need a break as long as you don’t lose sight of the end game. 

“By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands – your own.” – Mark Victor Hansen

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Yes – Self Doubt Can Actually Be Helpful At Times

Jaclyn Baker
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You know that little cloud of confusion that can sometimes block you from making decisions? That little cloud is called self-doubt, and if you let it, it can take over quickly. 

Now, self-doubt isn’t a bad thing. You just have to learn how to balance it.

That feeling of doubt can give you some time to think a decision through and see if it’s wise. 

However, too much of it can keep you jogging on the spot for far too long. 

See The Upside

Sometimes doubt can play a part in making a big decision. Seeing the silver lining and using your doubt-powers for good takes some practice, but it is attainable. 

When it comes to the big life choices, some doubt can help you evaluate them deeper. 

But don’t let it be the final decider. All you have to do is trust your gut. 

Challenge Your Fears

Call your self-doubt out and ask yourself why these feelings are flooding in. 

Is it because you don’t think you’re good enough? Or that you just have a bad feeling? Whatever the reason, challenge these fears.

Putting a name to the feelings that swirl around you will become more manageable in time. 

“If you don’t have some self-doubts and fears when you pursue a dream, then you haven’t dreamed big enough.” – Joe Vitale

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Discovering Your Authentic Self

Jaclyn Baker
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To learn who you are and what you want sometimes you need to unlearn what others tell you.

Authenticity comes from within. 

It’s natural to want to know how you fit in the world and find your place. 

But you don’t have to sacrifice who you are to do that. 

Trust Your Decisions

Do you lean on others to make decisions for you?

Don’t give others the power to change the way you feel about your decisions. There is nothing wrong with asking others for their point of view and seeking advice. But if you disagree with their recommendations, you don’t have to take them. 

It’s so easy to procrastinate on making decisions due to the fear of making the wrong one. 

Just because you fear something doesn’t make it true. 

Remember that no one knows you better than you know yourself.

The best thing you can do is trust your instincts and let them guide you.

Repeat Affirmations

It’s okay to think about your needs! Even though there’s no “I” in team, there is one in independence. 

Practicing daily affirmations can help keep you on track and tap into the power you have inside.

They can also help you remind you who you are and what makes you unique.

Life is your journey to discovery and every day is a learning opportunity. 

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” E.E. Cummings

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The 4th of July: A Kaleidoscope of Impressions

Darcy Knight

The 4th of July and freedom have different meanings to different people, and our life experiences influence how we feel about it. This year we are embracing a diversity of perspectives; striving to hold space for the views of others and understand their experiences, while also valuing our own experiences.